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When people assume your sexuality

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by AJ56, Aug 5, 2015.

  1. guitar

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    It's funny, today I've been dwelling on the complete opposite since it took me so long to really see/come to terms with the gay in myself: how many people could tell I was gay before I could? When I first started coming out it was totally shocking to whoever I told. After last week's massive coming out to everyone on Facebook, I was rather floored by the number of "I kind of knew" messages I received.

    Before I really realized I was gay, quite a few people in my teens and early 20s asked if I was, which I always denied because I didn't think I was. I wonder how many more people thought it or discussed it behind my back.
     
    #41 guitar, Aug 6, 2015
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  2. imnotreallysure

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    I'm not sure about where you live, but the vast majority here don't - most people have either blue or green eyes and a lot of people have red/blonde hair.

    In any case, that's not a good comparison - you can see people's eye and hair colour upon meeting them, but you can't see their sexuality. When meeting people, I always assume they're straight unless they say otherwise.
     
    #42 imnotreallysure, Aug 6, 2015
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  3. Steele

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    I'm talking about before you actually meet/see the person. Like when your friend's telling you about someone you haven't met yet.

    If you're going to just assume that someone's straight until proven gay, whatever, there's nothing I can do about it, just know that it's going to make some people uncomfortable, keep an open mind, leave room for the possibility that they're not straight, and consider using gender-neutral terms when the subject of sexual orientation comes up (instead of asking "do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend," just ask "are you dating someone?").
     
  4. imnotreallysure

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    Still, there are many more blonde and blue-eyed people than there are gay/bi people. Assuming that someone is straight before meeting them is perfectly reasonable, and 95% of the time you would be correct, at least.
     
  5. YuriBunny

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    Maybe assuming it in your head, but it seems rude to say so aloud.
     
  6. Indigos Star

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    This. Or when someone says "Oh no you aren't, you're just a baby and you're going through a phase"

    Ok for one thing I'm an adult, contrary to popular belief- I can legally do adult things

    And for another thing that's not your fucking business

    I've liked girls for at least a decade and a half, don't tell me what I do or do not like :tantrum:
     
  7. Closet Shut

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    Maybe it's just me.. but is it really that offensive if someone assumes that you're straight? it's one thing if you clearly addressed your orientation to them in some way, but other than that, maybe it's the way you dress or mannerisms, whether we like to admit it or not.. there is a stereotype that people associate with being straight or LGBT. & for some people, they may have never been around a lot of LGBT people, so maybe they're just not aware of anything else, I know it sounds stupid.. but, I think while most people know that we live in a world of people other than heterosexual, it's still kinda second nature for people to assume someone is straight. It's one thing if they make a subtle comment that would seem to insult someone who may be LGBT or come off hostile if you confirm your orientation as LGBT but it's another if it's just an honest mistake, I've noticed a few times with some LGBT that some will actually get offended, if a straight person was offended by being asked the opposite type of question, & that in itself is even a bit hypocritical, but I dunno.. that's just me.
     
    #47 Closet Shut, Aug 10, 2015
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  8. Steele

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    Actually, not really. Over 90% of the population has brown eyes or dark/black hair. Maybe not where you live, but this is true for the world's population as a whole. But even if it weren't true, it's not about how often you'll be right, it's about making sure that everyone feels respected and acknowledged and is able to be open with their sexuality. If you or some other LGBT people don't mind when others assume you're straight, awesome, more power to you. But for a lot of LGBT people out there, this is a big part of why they feel shame and disgust in their sexuality and stay in the closet for so long, and we need to respect that.
     
  9. Foz

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    I say EC hijacks the mission to colonise Mars and we set up a homonormative society where everyone is assumed to be gay :lol:
     
  10. KayJay

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    I'm inclined to believe this as well. I would never tell them to their face as that may make them uncomfortable but unless someone tells me otherwise I just assume they are straight because that's the norm. This doesn't mean not being straight is wrong because it isn't the norm, just that everyone assumes certain things about people. If I meet someone that's 20 I assume they can drive until I'm told otherwise, I assume anyone I meet masturbates unless I'm told otherwise and I assume everyone I meet eats meat unless they tell me otherwise.

    I can see how it may negatively impact the LGBT community as it caters to an environment where you have to express your sexuality verbally to someone which makes coming out hard because if you aren't straight it puts it all on you to let everyone know that you aren't. Especially with how lots of people still make homosexuality to be a flaw in a person. That's definitely a valid concern and one I couldn't ingore. At the same time though I think that it's really the people who are homophobic who contribute to the problem. If you told someone accepting that you're gay then it really isn't a problem to do so since they won't see you any differently. So the problem isn't that everyone assumes you're straight until told otherwise, it is the people who hate homosexuals and other minorities that make telling someone you aren't straight a problem. Those bigots are the people who cause this issue, if the whole world was accepting of LGBT folk it really wouldn't be an issue. Once the stigma of being LGBT is erased I doubt people would stop assuming everyone is straight since all anyone would need to say is "I'm actually x or y sexuality" and then that's that. No hate or nonsense it just is what it is and now they know.

    Maybe I'm looking into this way too much but I don't see it as much of a problem if at all. The real problem is the stigma of being gay that makes it something people are shameful about.
     
    #50 KayJay, Aug 10, 2015
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  11. soulcatcher

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    Some people just can't take the hint.
     
  12. armydude

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    The overwhelming majority of people are straight. It's really not an outrageous assumption. Being gay comes as a surprise. No need to be offended if people think you're like 95% of the population... or the only lifestyle they know.
     
  13. soulcatcher

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    Anyways, I find it funny that people assume stuff since according to some surveys, up to half of young people are attracted to the same sex to some extent.
     
  14. europeanguy

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    haha I had the opposite problem in a similar situation, my dad said "you know one day when you find a young lad or you lass and your with them" and then he carried on into irrelevant parts but he said dude first!, i mean apparently i manage to come off as at least bi (according to my friend when i asked him) apparently "never had a girlfriend/shown no interest in getting one but never shown an interest in guys either" means probably gay or bi...great thanks dad why cant i just be shy or something? XD


    also as we are talking about eye colour and stuff...is grey eyes normal in england i cant tell haha
     
    #54 europeanguy, Feb 2, 2016
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  15. RainbowGreen

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    My parents did that all the time.

    For example, my dad would always tell me how ''all the little boys will be after you''. I was only, like 12 or less. It pissed me off because I could really care less at that age. It made me feel as if I was not my own person or something. I hated having a female body and being seen as female, so he didn't really help by saying that. My mom didn't really do much of it. I know she was probably very confused as to what my sexuality was. All her friends told her that I would become a lesbian. Nah. I'm probably as far from being one as I can be. You need to be a girl to be a lesbian, which I'm not. I'm sure she did slip some ''when you get a boyfriend'' kind of stuff in there, though.

    As for my friends, I find it funny how genuinely clueless they are about my sexuality xD They don't know and they don't assume either. I have at least two friends who asked me about it and said stuff like ''I have no idea what your sexuality is. Like, I really don't know.'' Well, good, friend, I only learned the answer a month before you asked me :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    In general, yeah, it can be annoying, but people don't really assume what I like anymore. I'm too confusing, I guess :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  16. mychemromance99

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    WoW that's a great idea :wink:

    On a more serious note, I don't mind it when people assume my sexuality (gay or straight).
    The majority of straight people is overwhelming, so I don't care about it.
    But if some straight guy continously objectifies women, asks me to go out with a girl, I politely ask him to stop. It's just plain annoying that some straight guys objectify women so badly.
     
  17. TheGirlWhoLived

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    It doesn't really bother me if people assume. But it bothers me when I feel like I can't talk about it. Or when I do decide to talk about it, I get judged.
     
  18. kageshiro

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    its no one's business, why should I care?
     
  19. VideoGAYmer

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    before i came out at school, EVERYONE assumed that i was gay, some people just strait up asked me. not that annoying.

    what really annoys me is when my family assumes im straight, my mom is begging for grandchildren (she even has names planned out). My dad is, though, he raised me to respect women; i hold the door for them, they get the last piece of cake and i always walk on the side of the path closest to the road so they can be cushioned by my mangled corpse if a car were to crash into me and there happens to be a woman behind me (i'm not posh it was just what i was brought up to do). so it really annoys me when he goes on about how all of this will get me a wife. maybe not the last one because i'll be dead.

    apparently blue is the most common in England, but i have a grey/turquoise eye colour, so I've been told.
     
  20. ems

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    Couldn't put it better my self. Its so annoying and hurtful