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When people assume your sexuality

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by AJ56, Aug 5, 2015.

  1. Lyana

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    I think it's pretty normal. When I meet someone, I tend to assume they're straight, too. Until I know, I'm pretty inclusive when I talk ("So do you have a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend?") but in my mind, they're straight.

    Every single person I meet assumes I'm straight, unless it's in an explicitly pro-LGBT environment. I'm fine with that. If it does annoy me, I set them straight. It only really gets to me if they're also LGBTphobic.
     
  2. AsiaJ33

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    It happens to me with random people at school or something, but not family. Ever since I can remember, my family has always made sure to not specify, just in case we like people other than the opposite sex. I'm really lucky for having such a supportive family (my parents are divorced though, and my dad isn't really in the picture, so it's really just my mom.)
     
  3. Linthras

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    Only when it leads to annoying questions/statements, which is very rarely.

    My personal philosophy is that my sexuality is my own concern.
    If people want to know, they can ask, or closely observe me, but if they're going to assume that's their problem and there's very rarely anything you can do about it, except explaining the truth them, which I can't always be bothered with.

    With the exception of civil rights, I just don't see my sexuality as a that big a part of my personality.

    *Edit. Just to clarify, everyone assumes I'm a heterosexual male.

    ---------- Post added 6th Aug 2015 at 04:23 PM ----------

    ^this^ basically.
     
    #23 Linthras, Aug 6, 2015
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  4. BryanM

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    People rarely assume my sexuality anymore, although I am completely out.
     
  5. AJ56

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    Aw that's great that your family does that! My immediate family is very supportive of LGBT rights too!
     
    #25 AJ56, Aug 6, 2015
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  6. Wallace N

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    I experience this sometimes with new people I meet. I recently met a guy (friend of a friend), who was, admittedly drunk, but kept talking to me about women, in an explicit way as well. Asking me about girls I want to have sex with, asking me how many I've been with...what exactly do I say to a guy who's almost a stranger? I don't feel like I owe him the revelation of my sexuality.

    But later on that night, the two of us finally started having a more in-depth conversation. We were both drunk, but he was more serious now and he asked me legitimately who at the house party we were at I found attractive. My chance. So I specifically pointed out a guy near us that I thought I was fairly attractive. He just nodded and then started telling a story about his gay friend.

    He probably felt a little embarrassed that he had assumed I was straight and spoke about female sexuality with me so brazenly, but when he did find out I wasn't, he didn't make a big deal out of it at all, and even tried to relate his own experience with a gay friend. That's how most people are around here, and I'm grateful for it.
     
  7. Berru

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    It makes me a little sad when people assume I'm straight, because it feels lonely not being able to tell them. I used to not have a problem with correcting people if I felt it necessary, but as I grew older, I grew shy :/
    I miss having someone to talk about women with, and being able to say "I used to date this girl who did this and that " instead of "I used to date this guy/person"
    I said the word 'bisexual' for the first time in many years the other day, and it took me three to four hours to get up the courage.

    When I was younger, I did the same thing to other people though, although it was kind of in reverse. I assumed/thought everyone was bisexual by default and figured out their preferences later in life, so I would always get angry and confused at girls not wanting to even give me a chance :grin: lol
     
  8. AJ56

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    Very interesting story. I wish I could come out to one of my guy friends, but I'm scared of their reaction.
     
  9. YuriBunny

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    This is why I came out of the closet when I did. It just got so annoying. My mom was always implying I was going to have a boyfriend or that I had a crush on one of my guy friends. And she talked about the husband I would apparently have someday. I kept wanting to scream, "I'm gay! I like girls, and I will never ever like guys like that!" It kind of made me depressed. I felt I would disappoint her by coming out, because she pictured me with a boy. I wish I could've always heard her imply, from a young age, that she wasn't going to assume I'm straight. Because I'm not, and I think most straight people would be irritated if everyone assumed they were gay. They just don't know what it's like for us. That's why it feels so good to come out of the closet. We're not getting those assumptions anymore from the people we came out to; we're being seen as who we really are.

    This.
     
  10. XenaxGabby

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    It annoys me. Though to some degree, straight people have no reason to assume that I'm anything but straight, as I don't fit the stereotype. But still I long for the day when people stop being so gender-specific. Instead of asking if someone has an opposite sex partner, why not ask if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend? I realize that society still has a long way to go before that happens.
     
  11. AJ56

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    This is how I feel with my stepdad when he talks about me having a girlfriend or wife one day. In a way, I feel like I would disappoint him since he has always pictured me with a girl. I would love to shout out to him "I'm gay! I like boys!" but I'm not ready to come out to him yet.

    This is a very good point that you bring up! I think that every parent should consider the possibility that their child might be gay (or even bi). It would make it so much easier on the child so that way it's not as hard to come out to them.
     
    #31 AJ56, Aug 6, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2015
  12. Weregild

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    My parents keep saying that I should get out more, that a boyfriend would help solve all of my problems. I've learned to ignore them, but it does annoy me.
     
  13. Emerson96

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    It doesn't annoy me as much I guess, but I do find it annoying when I tell people I'm bisexual and they assume I'm just confused.
     
  14. imnotreallysure

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    People assume I'm straight all the time. Doesn't bother me. I just correct them if I need to - for example, if they ask if I have a girlfriend.

    It's to be expected that people will assume you're straight unless you give them a reason not to. The vast majority of people are straight.
     
    #34 imnotreallysure, Aug 6, 2015
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  15. Andrew99

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    Me and my mom at Costco
    Mom taking forever looking at clothes*
    Me: ugh!
    Old lady who works at Costco: this is what it'll be like when you have a wife
    My mind: really? Let's be real here for a minute do I look like I would ever get a wife?
     
  16. Steele

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    And the vast majority of people have brown eyes and/or black hair, but we don't necessarily make assumptions about a person's hair or eye color, so why should we make assumptions about sexuality?
     
  17. Lawrence

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    One thing I learned several months ago from an injury that made it difficult to talk, is that people assume I'm straight, unless I talk. Since I'm "out" I can correct people when I want to.

    Sometimes it's awkward when I realise "oh noes, am I making this straight/gay person uncomfortable because I'm expressing my attraction to the gender they aren't attracted to!?"

    It's difficult to explain, but I forget that bisexuality isn't the norm.
     
  18. CamaroBlack

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    That's exactly what happens to me lol but my family doesn't know me at all
     
  19. Andrew99

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    At an event
    Tent lady: do you want a pen or a tattoo
    Me: a tattoo is fine
    Tent lady: oh and here's a mirror so that way for when you have a gf you can make sure you look good
    Me: haha ok

    Neighbor: alright I'll see ya later Andrew and good luck at your new school
    Me: alright thanks
    Neighbor: and just think about what the girls are missing
    Me: haha yea...
     
  20. Skaros

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    I usually don't mind when people guess my sexuality. I only mind with my family, but otherwise I don't really care.