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When did you realize you're gay and not bi

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Geek, May 6, 2017.

  1. Geek

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    For those who are gay, was there a period when you thought you were bi before realizing you were gay? If so, how long did it take you in between realizing you're gay and not bi?

    For those bisexual, was there a point when you thought you were gay but later realized you were bi? How long did it take between thinking you're gay and thinking you're bi?

    Example: Thinking you're bisexual at 17 and realizing you're gay at 22. Or thinking you're gay at 13 and realizing you're bi at 16.

    I'm curious as someone who has flipped back and forth wondering if i'm gay or bi and still have yet a clue.
     
  2. Creativemind

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    I'm a lesbian that thought I was bisexual when I was a teenager. I think I was 19 when I finally learned I wasn't.
     
  3. OGS

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    I thought I was bi for most of my high school and about half of my college years. I actually had a pretty active social and sexual life with women and it seemed... fine, at any rate much less complicated than my feelings for men, which I didn't really act on. Until I did... and it only took one kiss for me to realize that this was totally different. Haven't thought about a woman that way in 25 years.
     
  4. AuroraBorealis

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    I was confused until about a year ago, I always thought I was probably bisexual, because there were guys I thought were really nice looking, but thinking about it..that's all they are to me..a pretty face, not even an attraction to the male physique. I was 18 when I realized this
     
  5. BostonStranger

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    I realised I was bi when I was 17, but looking back it was obvious since the day I was born. I've never thought I was gay though.
     
  6. Quantumreality

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    Hey Geek,

    I'm a Bi guy, but I was terrified by the thought that I might be gay throughout my teenage years.

    I had my first girlfriend at age 13 and it was good, but a bit awkward. However, a couple months after that, when I was in the locker room in a Gym class in Middle School, I realized how much I was noticing some of the other boys when they changed or went to the showers. (Most disturbingly, I noticed a certain stirring 'down there' when I was fixated on a few of the boys.) At that point, I was terrified that I was actually gay, but I had never even heard of the term bisexual. And even throughout high school, I never had ready access to real information about sexuality to understand my sexuality.

    It wasn't until I had access to real, solid information at my University library that I was finally able to put 2+2 together and understand my sexuality. Understanding came, for me, at age 23. It still took another two years before I fully accepted my sexuality and started to really become comfortable with it.
     
  7. SohoDreamer

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    Only very recently to be honest. I've spent a good deal of time living as straight and repressing my sexuality, therefore believing I'm straight on the surface and refusing to listen to my thoughts and feelings, even though deep down I knew I was gay. At the very most I'd play with the idea I was bi, and in my high school years I even came out as that for a while but then subsequently got scared and went back into the 'closet' and lived as straight until literally the past few weeks when I felt ready to explode if I didn't tell someone that I'm gay.

    After having done so, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders and I've told a few other people since, all of whom have been very supportive and cool about it. It definitely took admitting to myself who I am before I could tell others, but now I have done both, I am pretty confident in the fact I'm gay. I feel good about this but I know it'll still be a long time before I'm fully comfortable and not anxious about it.
     
  8. martialmaster

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    I've recently realized that I'm gayer than I am straight, but I have to be a little bit bi to have successfully had sex with as many women as I had. Not to mention, if I kiss a girl I will get an erection. I have realized there are a number of times I've seemingly "shot myself in the foot" on purpose to avoid having sex though. When I watch porn I still watch straight porn because gay porn shrinks my dick out of discomfort. I still count myself as bi, but I know full well my mind only lays the "relationship" feelings with other guys, not with women, something I'm still rather annoyed about.
     
  9. SarahLee

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    Even though I didn't know the word lesbian at that age, I know I've been aware since I was about 8 or 9 years old. I was always attracted to women, turned on by women's bodies and fascinated by seeing girls with their clothes off in gym class. Men never did that for me. Still don't! I married a man but the physical desire wasn't there. I never doubted once in my life that I am lesbian from the day I was born. Expressing it to others has been my problem because of the stigma connected to it when I was young. Now, I don't want to lose my lifelong friends and family members over it. But I won't turn down a woman who strikes the right chord with me :wink: I'm always looking.
     
    #9 SarahLee, May 7, 2017
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  10. SemiCharmedLife

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    For a long time I thought I was bi, and tried to fight off the part of me that liked guys. Once I finally came out to a couple of people and gave myself permission to think about guys, I realized that was all I wanted to do, and one day I was just like "yup, ok then."
     
  11. Browncoat

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    I did the opposite really - thought I was gay before I realized I was bi.
     
  12. Geek

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    how long was it before you realized you were bi and not gay
     
  13. Iliricon

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    Pretty much 10 months ago my brother asked me whether I'm gay. I said no, only to correct myself about a month later when he visited me and we talked it through (less drunk that time). So I'd say, 9 months ago (around the time I joined this forum).

    I never really knew what attraction was until I allowed myself to think about sex freely. Since then I've been "gay until further notice".
     
    #13 Iliricon, May 8, 2017
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  14. Assassin'sKat

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    I had been questioning it since freshman year of high school. There were times when I'd question it before high school, but I really wasn't comfortable admitting it to myself. Freshman/Sophomore year, I'd tell some people I was bi, thinking maybe it was true, maybe not. Junior year, I thought, "nah fam, totes migotes a hetero". I recall memories of telling people I'm straight. Then, after a long time of the whole "I don't fucking know, who cares?" attitude, I went back to thinking I was bi the summer before senior year. I also fell in love for the first time, with a girl. She originally said she was bi, but shortly after we met, she said she was straight. She became one of my dearest friends, while I was in denial of what I truly felt. Some crazy things happened, and our friendship ended painfully and suddenly. This gave me some time to really think. I was more hurt than I had ever been about anything. I really looked at the way I was feeling, under the belief that the pain would go away if I came to truly understand myself. I realized my feelings for this girl were not platonic in the least. She was always on my mind, and I still wished her great happiness, even though she hurt me. I realized my feelings for her were nothing I could ever imagine feeling for a man. But, even with this realization, I still thought I was bi.
    Six months of trying to move on, and I finally realize that I am gay. So, this is a year after saying I am bi, and really believing it. After having few close friends for a period of time, and some self reflection, I look at the facts. I had always felt uncomfortable when in a relationship with a man. Even a good man. Uncomfortable because I didn't want them. The idea of having a boyfriend makes me feel trapped. Also, I had never developed a real crush on a man.
    I had never really found them attractive. I mean, some are good looking, sure, but none attractive. None my type. Growing up, people asked me if I had a boyfriend. My response was usually, "None of the boys in my class are cute enough." I realize now, wow, what a silly response. But I did mean it. I remember trying to figure out what a "cute" boy was, so I could figure out who it was cool to like or not like. At first, I thought I was supposed to like light haired men with chin length hair. So, it didn't make sense to me when other girls started blushing over the guys with buzzcuts. I remember instances of them saying "Oh my gooooddddd isn't he cute?" and I was just like, "Yeah, totally! I guess..."
    While I have memories of obsession or fondness of various women. Such as lava girl in the first grade. Man, I remember talking about her and her "pretty smile". That girl from my third grade class, who just didn't like me back apparently, as she got annoyed with me trying so hard to befriend her. I didn't realize it back then, but thinking about how she reacted to me now, man, I was kind of annoying.
    And I'd always thought Ellen Page was cute. And her voice, too.
    So I thought about all of these feelings I've always had and finally came to the conclusion that I was gay, at 18. A month after graduating.

    So, in short, I had always questioned it but called myself bi at 17 and called myself gay at 18. I am now 19.
     
  15. choni

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    I've been questioning since I was 12. I finally declared I was bi (to myself) when I was like 15. And now I'm pretty sure I'm gay at 16
     
  16. Browncoat

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    About 3 or 4 years I think. I would have crushes on girls but until one person in particular, a few years ago, they just never became sexual for me. Then kinda of like when I realized I like men, when I finally admitted it to myself it just all became very natural and obvious.


    So yeah, came out in reverse. :lol:
     
  17. lonewolf79

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    I think I knew I was gay around 15/16... but didn't come out till I was 25. I first told myself that I was bi, but with a preference for guys... then I was like.. um... no... gay! I came out... it was not too bad... but 12 years on, I have gone back in the closet for personal reasons and I suppress everything about my sexuality just to keep peace in the home. Weird I know.
     
  18. jenne

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    For me it was really easy..I went from straight to gay..i never thought I was bi... And I have no idea why I thought all these years that I was straight!!! (Maybe because that was the expected thing ) but The minute I realised I liked girls... boys were no longer an option..
     
    #18 jenne, May 9, 2017
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  19. artition

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    I always knew I was lesbian but I came out as bisexual incase I was rejected. That was when I was 10-12. Then I gradually came out as a lesbian.
     
  20. Nychthemeron

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    I started questioning at 13. I only recently realized I was gay. So, a few years.

    Mostly, my romantic and sexual orientation were messed up, so they confused me. I could date anyone but only guys seemed sexy. The term for this is apparently "biromantic homosexual" but you could argue that I'm actually just bisexual with exclusive sexual interest in dudes. Either way, I identify as the former and introduce myself as the latter because it's simpler.