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When did you "know" your orientation?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by GhostDog98, Jul 12, 2020.

?

What age?

  1. <11

    13.9%
  2. 12-13

    12.5%
  3. 13-14

    13.9%
  4. 14-15

    6.9%
  5. 15-16

    2.8%
  6. 16-18

    6.9%
  7. >18

    43.1%
  1. GhostDog98

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    I'm just curious of the average age and of what age you should "know" what orientation you are. (And I get that this can be a fluid thing that changes over time but I'm just curious)
     
  2. Nic2552

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    I started questioning myself around junior high school, then it high school it started to become more clear as to what I like but was in denial about my sexuality due to lack of experience.
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

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    I was completely oblivious until around 27 years, when I started questioning my sexuality, and then I knew at around 28 years.

    There isn’t an age by which you should know. Everyone figures it out when they are ready.
     
  4. mellissa

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    I was 12 when I realized how inappropriate my feelings for my friend was. I kept telling myself that I'm not a lesbian and that this is just me admiring her as a person.

    By the time I was 14 I though "okay I like women, but I still find certain men interesting (smart, mature, relatively good looking)." So I told myself I was Bi. Then by age 17, I accepted the truth that if I could be with a man or woman for the rest of my life it would be with a woman and that what I thought was sexual attraction for men was just me mirroring the things I saw in the media so I could blend in.
     
  5. rktonks

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    I was nine when I started noticing girls. I knew I was bi but I was terrified and convinced myself I had an eating disorder. I went down so far that illusion as to have actually created an eating disorder. But I accepted myself fully when I was 13. It took a while. That was when I acknowledged I was bi, though I had sorta know for years.
     
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  6. justinf

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    Maybe you’re only asking out of curiosity, but: there is no timeline by which you have to know your orientation.

    Some people have been perfectly aware of their orientation since they were just kids, others are in their fifties or sixties and are still trying to figure it all out.

    So by any means don’t worry too much about it - you’ll figure it out too when you’re ready.
     
  7. BiGemini87

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    In retrospect, there were signs as early as my early teens, but I didn't pose the question to myself until I was...19, or 20? I don't remember the first time I wondered (to myself and aloud to some friends at the time) if I was bicurious, but it was my mid-twenties when I actually started going back and forth between denial and genuine belief that I couldn't be bisexual (due to some misguiding notions that I'm sure a fair number of bisexuals have heard from other people over the years).

    I'm 33 now, and came out for the first time just over a year ago. Frustrating as it was for me to realize it so late in life, I also can't regret it, nor do I think there's such a thing as the "wrong" time. It's never too late to understand ourselves a little better. Sometimes, other life situations take precedence, and that's why it isn't immediately obvious. For others, the realization is too glaring to ignore early on. Everyone at their own pace. :slight_smile:
     
  8. solarcat

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    I don't know when I "knew" my orientation. I was about 23 when I came here, and came out to my family as gay (mlm) a few months later. But then I started thinking I may be trans, in which case I'm straight. Then I decided that I'm pan and female. But now I say I'm pan and nonbinary.

    So I think I said "gay" when I was 23, and pan a few years later.
     
  9. HM03

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    I was definitely in Grade 9, so like 13-14. It was extremely obvious at least a year before that but I was dumb lol
     
  10. lookingup9

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    I was 16 when I really started to take a hard look at my feelings for my female friends and wonder if I was gay. I had crushes on girls before that (my first one was at age 10) but I had just written it off as really wanting to be their best friend.

    But at 16 is when I had a friend I really liked and I clearly remember thinking to myself "in some alternate universe, if she wanted to be your girlfriend, you'd be thrilled wouldn't you?" That was one of my earliest Am I Gay? thoughts.

    I didn't really want to believe it or accept it as the truth until I got to college. I first put it out into the universe by talking about it online and I didn't tell anyone I actually knew until around 6 months after that. It was a drawn out and difficult journey and things are still not easy now to be honest, although I am proud of the progress I've made.
     
  11. AnxiousJB

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    This for me, only reverse the sexes and I finally accepted it this year at age 27.

    As others have said, there is no strict timeline or time limit to figuring it out. It'll eventually clarify with time.
     
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  12. bingostring

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    About 5 or 6 years old!!
     
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  13. Lexa

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    Over 18, like 35? I kept doubting. Psychotherapy helped. Now I'm sure of what I thought. :slight_smile:
     
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  14. LaurenSkye

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    I was in my mid-20's when I really started noticing guys and accepting it.
     
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  15. Snowqueen

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    I guess I might have known as young as 13, had a major crush on a guy on tv and lingered a bit too long looking at men in underwear in a home shopping catalogue, when my brothers were looking at the women in bras and panties.
     
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  16. Adz6

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    I knew I was gay around 16 yo
    I would go surfing with my mates and in the water they would be talking about how pretty such and such was and How they would like to ask her out. when I would be sitting in the line up and I would be thinking to myself I have no interest in what they were talking about but I would always be looking at my surfing mates and thinking how I could ask him out and not be ostracised.
     
    #16 Adz6, Jul 19, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2020
  17. kelse888

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    I think I was 11 or 12 when I kind of figured I wasn’t straight. It was an epiphany moment for me when I learned what bisexuality was and I instantly applied it to myself. Now at 25 I’ve realized that I’m actually a lesbian and have come to accept it in this past year because I slowly realized that I was never really attracted to men, I just assumed I did.

    And now thinking back as a kid, the signs of being attracted to women were there, but since I was a kid I just didn’t really know what all those feelings meant.
     
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  18. Sparky2002

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    I was 11 and I kept trying to convince myself that i didn't have a huge crush on my best friend
     
  19. sweets32

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    i was 18 and i just broke up with my boyfriend and at that time i thought I was done with men so i was hangin out with my best friend i had realize that i was more attracted to her so i was curious and had my first girlfriend by 20
     
  20. CntntDltd

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    This was before I found out I was trans - I had a crush on a girl around 9-10 years old, and I was in denial for about a year. I finally told her (I had no idea that LGBTQ+ even existed), and she's been my girlfriend since. I've been trans since 5 months ago. I'm currently 14. I personally don't believe there's an age you should find out.