One of them was sister. She was insanely homophobic back in the day, so coming out to her properly was not easy. However, over the years she changed. Suddenly, sometime back, she started to say how gay people are oppressed, she was wrong in being homophobic, LGBT people should have their rights etc. That's when I came out to her. She took it well at that time. I even used to send her pics of my crushes and she used to take it well. Then suddenly (after she had a baby) she started to ignore any gay related messages. She started to even deliberately forget that I am gay. She started asking me if I liked a girl in my class, when she is going to get her sister in law etc. It went on and on ... I'd to rebuke her properly after which she stopped but now she completely ignores the topic. I came out to another relative of mine about 3 years ago. He took it well. In fact he was very LGBT friendly, he was in places like Canada, London etc and went to pride parades. However a few months ago he told me how sodomy is a sin and how I will go to hell if I ever do that etc etc (he was borderline atheist/agnostic before ... suddenly he found a newfound love for religion to bash me). Then he came to my house and kept telling me to get a girlfriend, girls are beautiful etc etc -- he acted like he doesn't have a clue to my sexual orientation. He basically "forgot" it or living in denial. If people were always homophobic or showed their true colors right from the start, I'd understand. But when people pretend to be allies, and you come out to them, and they show their fangs - I don't like that. Remember how JKR used to be so gay-loving and then bam - come her transphobic views.
JKR was never gay-loving. She wrote one gay character, made no indication of his sexuality in any of the books, didn't announce it until all the books were out in an attempt to score "diversity points", and then completely ignored the gay relationship between Dumbledore and Grindelwald that she claims existed when Fantastic Beasts gave her every opportunity to make it overtly canon. I could go on about how she's always been transphobic and it's literally written into the books, but this thread isn't about her. It sucks, when people change in terrible ways. It sounds like your other relative was indoctrinated into a homophobic religion and has bought into it so thoroughly that he's trying to convince himself that you have too. Your sister...since she changed her views after she had a baby, I wonder if she's having trouble dealing with the idea that you're never going to have the heteronormative idea of a nuclear family, if she just wants you to find a nice girl and settle down and have kids that her kids can grow up with so she doesn't have to explain the "gay uncle" to them. Whatever the reason, I'm really sorry this is happening to you. Coming out is hard enough without having to worry that your generally accepting relatives are going to "change their minds" so to speak.
I'm sorry your sister and this other relative of yours have done such a 180 regarding your sexual orientation. It happens sometimes, but it's strange that both of them have undergone this change so closely together. Did something recently happen that you know about, some argument or family get-together that might have contributed to their change in demeanour?
I thought of coming out to a family member a while ago, because they began to become more accepting of transgender folks. Gladly, I didn't, because it turned out they don't believe bisexual people exist and that they're confused or promiscuous. As we all know here, that's not true. I'm technically omnisexual, which means being attracted to all genders (but with a preference). Sometimes, I tell people I'm bi, because it's easier. More people know what that means. I'd hate to be in a situation where I have to justify my existence only to be dismissed and talked down to, because I'm supposedly "confused" or "young." My point is, it really does suck when someone you care about is coming around, only for them to say something terrible. All it does is undo the trust you're building to come out to them.
Sounds like the sister spent too much time on social media and now she feels guilty. I don't think it's worth talking to people who change their views after a smart person on TV tells them to. If she was homophobic and changed her views because now it's not cool to be homophobic, she'll switch back as soon as the wave will move to a different side. This is why I'm sociopathic and avoid people like her. They're just a cog in a machine, and if the machine turns on you one day - she'll disown you and act like she's a beautiful person. You need to realize that family doesn't mean anything. You just happened to be related. Have a more objective view of whoever it is you're talking to.
But JKR was never gay-hating either. Based on her tweets, articles and interviews, she does support same sex marriage and relationships, and seemed like a nice ally to the LGBT+ community. How she would take a 180 degree turn regarding trans issues bothered me. A lot. But let's not give importance to useless people. In my sister's case, she never liked LGBT people or couldn't wrap her head around the concept of same sex relationships, and was very vocal about it initially. However after I came out (not directly, through my cousin), she acted like to support it just to be on my safe side. I mean I stopped talking with her due to her homophobic comments, and since we were very close back in the day, she understood that the only way to talk with me is by showcasing acceptance for the LGBT group. Hence she pretended to be supportive just so that we can talk freely. However after she had the baby, she stopped caring about anyone else. Only her baby and husband mattered. I became a nobody. So yeah now she's back to her old views. That said she is not verbally abusive to me anymore. I don't know about the other relative. Thank you everyone for responding.
I know it's not the same, but I have felt betrayed by supposed allies recently. My group is largely straight guys and a mixture of openly lesbian and bisexual women. However, there are a couple of gay guys in the group and I've noticed recently that how the rest of the guys treat them is different from how they treat the women in the group. I was under the impression that they were OK with the community, but they seem much more accepting of female homosexuality then male homosexuality. This has made me re-evaluate the company I keep. It has been a disappointing surprise. Pretend or conditional allies are...well, not great to say the least.
The same homophobes who spout homophobic nonsense everyday are same ones who secretly watch lesbian porn every night. I guess because for straight men, the sight of 2 women is arousing, hence they like lesbians. But 2 men is puke worthy to them so they dislike it. Just hypocritical. The male relative I am talking about is so much into lesbian porn it's not even funny (we grew up together and he used to watch lesbo stuffs and still do from what I know). So ya it's hypocritical.
I'm extremely wary of who I let in my inner circle because of this. If you really get to know me, then you've earned my trust and for good reason. I used to be more naive and then someone started telling my secrets and there was a bit of chatter according to my mom (rumors that I'm gay I think, I'm really a bi trans guy). So now I'm slow to trust and try to just keep my distance from most people here.
I think ultimately it’s a privilege of being in the majority that straight people can choose whether to accept or not accept LGBT+ people. That’s because really everything they know is based on external sources. Sometimes you just have to step back and stop engaging. It’s harder with close family, which is why developing a “chosen family” can really help give you the support you deserve.
I saw the thread title and thought it was about life in general. I see that it focuses on the relationships of LGBT folks to all kinds of other folks including other LGBT folks. This thread is a little depressing because it raises the question of how much progress there has been if some people are still this uncomfortable. It was brought up that people - mainly men - are far less comfortable with male homosexual activity than female homosexual activity. I think some people need to get a life. Friction causes arousal in all kinds of sex and that's exactly what's going on in the lesbian porn they're watching but are okay with. I understand why people are wary. As for life in general, betrayal by any ally - friend, family member - and over any issue is one of the hardest losses to bear. Many people are traumatized by any kind of significant betrayal.
