1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

What's wrong with me? What should I do?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by badger, Apr 26, 2016.

  1. badger

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2015
    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So I have come out to those closest to me and for the most part everyone was extremely accepting. I've recently downloaded dating apps (non-exclusively gay ones) but I can't physically get myself to change the settings so I'm interested in the same sex. For some reason, by me doing that, it is the first step to being out publicly. I'm nervous just to switch the settings and have even hovered over the button. Any suggestions of what I should do? I'm an anxious person so that definitely contributes to this. But I don't know what I am scared of if I have already told those I am closest to. What is wrong? What should I do?
     
    #1 badger, Apr 26, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2016
  2. gryf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2016
    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    new haven, ct
    Gender:
    Male
    Basically, wait a bit.

    It may be that you're not quite ready to date.

    I completely understand the anxiety. I've been there, sometimes I still am.
    Wait until you can accept yourself more. It helps (for me) to say "I'm gay. I'm alright with that" or something similar to yourself. Also I find it helpful to tell more people. It makes it more real and helps burn the bridge to the closet. I don't want to be back there. I doubt you do either.

    Once you are OK with yourself, go for it
     
  3. canonymous

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2016
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    In my own recent experience, I would say go for it. As you go on dates and have more gay experiences, you will get more comfortable with your new identity.

    One way to get around having the being "publicly out" thing is avoid putting face pics on your main profile page, and state that they are available publicly or upon request. Granted this will lower your number of hits, but it will help get yourself out there. Also, people do this for a variety of reasons, whether it be closeted, or just not wanting employers or other people in the community knowing about their dating life.
     
  4. Danyboy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2016
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Omg, I just saw this post and I can relate so much to what you're going through !
    I was in this EXACT same situation when I came out 3years ago and I think a lot of pple were there too. I couldn't even put a picture on my ****** profile ahaha... funny times ;p.

    Great advice so far.
    You're still a bit ashamed of being gay. You're not comfortable with others knowing you're gay yet and that's fine.
    What really helped me going through this was time and telling more pple you're gay. It's a gradual process, you won't be comfortable with it in like a night. But as soon as you realize that the majority of the people are fine with you being gay, you'll stop being ashamed of it. That's what worked for me ^^.

    Feel free to message me anytime :slight_smile:. Excuse my English, I'm french :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #4 Danyboy, May 6, 2016
    Last edited: May 6, 2016
  5. malachite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Orlando
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There is NOTHING wrong with you, what you're feeling is totally normal. Just because you've come out and accepted you're gay, but that doesn't mean you've adjusted to it yet.
    Don't over think it, let it settle for it bit. You're stressing yourself out because you think you've got have it all figured out now....you don't. Take your time with this life is a marathon not a race. You will get there.