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What's good about being single and gay/LGBT/queer?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Suomi, Nov 9, 2017.

  1. Euler

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    You are missing the target by light years by asking what is the upside of being single gay guy. If you don't want to be alone then there is no upside no matter what and no matter what potential upsides we list you would not be satisfied.To me it sounds like your problem is not being a single and gay. However, being a single is a symptom of your issue.

    Based on this thread you have said 3 things about yourself:
    - you don't have friends
    - other ppl don't like you
    - things were easier if you were straight

    You said other people don't like you and that's why you don't have friends. Let's just assume for a second this is true (I suspect it isn't but just for the arguments sake lets assume it is). Have you stopped and asked yourself why don't people like you? Surely people don't just automatically hate you just by seeing you.
     
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  2. Suomi

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    Ugh. I'm really angry as fuck right now. You're entitled to your opinion. But I'm sorry.

    I know trans women have issues,

    But feminine gay men have it worse, and I'm not changing my perception sorry.

    I'm black and gay and feminine and I just feel people think I'm too over the top and loud and I don't like befriending girls as I wish I were a girl.

    I can't befriend guys because I crush on them. I flirt with guys and can't keep my fucking hand off straight guys. Since you're all in my fucking business.

    I want to be famous and successful as a R&B and jazz singer and and an actor. Be a famous celebrity. That way I can talk shit, show my art, make friends, have a boyfriend and gain confidence for myself. Maybe audition for American Idol or Survivor or some shit. Fuck. Those are just pipe dreams though.

    Even in normal society, I just get fired from my jobs, and I feel I don't know what else to do.

    I just wish I had a boyfriend, so I don't have to be in this apart of shit. If I were not black and gay, it would be easier to find a lover. Ugh.
     
    #22 Suomi, Nov 16, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2017
  3. Euler

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    Have you considered being less loud and over the top? Have you considered why you are that way? We often get told that people should like you just the way you are. That is true to some extent: you shouldn't change just to please whims of others BUT if you find that no one likes you then perhaps you should reflect. For example, if you don't take any showers ppl naturally steer away from you. Of course it is your right to not to take showers but it is also other people's right to choose their friends. If you are loud and making a huge number about yourself then perhaps people feel you are self-centered and self-absorbed.

    It is good that you realize that those are just dreams. However, those dreams reveal something about yourself. Desire to be celebrity often reflects the desire to be loved and adored which likely stems from the fact that you don't feel loved. Why is that? You want to gain confidence which of course implies you are insecure. If you are insecure becoming famous is difficult and even if you did become one it would be unlikely to give you more confidence or make you feel loved.

    Why do you get fired from jobs? Employers don't just fire people just because it's fun (it's not). They usually have pretty good reasons for that and if you consistently get fired it suggests you are doing something wrong. Get to the bottom of the reasons why you are fired and correct those reasons.

    Why do you think your life would be better if you had a boy friend?

    It may or may not be easier to find a lover if you were straight and white but you know what? Those were the cards you were dealt and there is not going to be a new deal. You have to make the best out of the cards you have. It may be you never become rich and famous and get a super hot BF who worships you but you know, you don't need any of those to be happy and at peace with yourself. Because that is what you ultimately want, right? To be happy.
     
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  4. Suomi

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    No, because I think I'm a good person. I'm just a little more flamboyant than most. Which is why I want to become an entertainer.

    I see what you mean, but it's not like that at all.

    Because I don't have any friends and family support really that much. I was born an identical twin and they always wanted us to be in entertainment because we were twins. We were actually apart of Michael Jackson's music group of like thousands of kids that auditioned around the time his History album came out, and we were supposed to be apart of this male vocal group that never came together or went through. We then went on acting auditions for stuff, but it never worked out. My twin brother sadly passed away from cancer when he was 14, and I felt incomplete at that point, as our mother had already passed since then, and I didn't have much family support.

    So I'm still holding onto the dreams and I'm 27 now. Even though I don't really like how the music industry is now, I don't have to follow those rules. You can call it elevator music, I don't give a fuck. I like all types of music. But pop and dance music and R&B-Hip Hop urban and jazz music most of all though.

    I also want to be an actor, doing both drama and comedy. I want to be a comedian as well. I also want to be a writer. I'm' currently writing a crime thriller novel right now about guys, some of the characters are gay/bi men, robbing banks.

    No, I know if I were famous, I'd be more happy with myself. It's my dream.

    I do want a boyfriend just as equally too. I have nobody else.

    They just don't like my attitude. They think I'm too womanly. I would sing during breaks and stuff and they were just jealous as I do have a good singing voice. They thought I wasn't focused on my work. The straight men would also say I was sexually harassing them. Even though I would only joke and fool around with them, and I am tactile, I like to touch guys, I'm sorry. Which is why I want a boyfriend. They think I'm bothering them.

    Because I'll have someone who loves me. I feel so alone and unloved. I want a partner, or a guy friend with romance involved. Or at least motivation. Be able to kiss a guy or something. I don't like hooking up or going to sex clubs or gay sex bar clubs. Ugh. fuck that.

    I do like to drink and party though at my own house though. Way cheaper, and I can control the music.

    Then I'll just kill myself or go to jail. Is that what you want? Because if I can't get what, that's what is gonna happen.

    How dare you say some shit like that? You think that was going to make me feel better about myself?

    I do need a boyfriend to be happy, and I need a career. I want a boyfriend, and I want to be a famous entertainer, and I don't need you crushing my dreams.

    If fucking all these talentless shitty people on MTV, X factor, Big Brother, all that shit can be famous, I can be fucking famous.

    You can fuck right off with that.
     
    #24 Suomi, Nov 16, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2017
  5. fadedstar

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    I don't think there is anything despite all the platitudes and clichés about needing to love yourself first/being okay on your own (if you have unresolved mummy/daddy issues there's a small grain of truth to that, but for most people that doesn't apply.) Humans are social animals, we're meant to be together. People get weird and demented if they're on their own too long and then it gets even harder for them to find someone. People can sense it and just assume the person has "too much baggage." For some twisted reason it seems like nature has designed us to only receive love when we don't actually need it, when we're sure of ourselves and confident etc..

    The only good thing I can think of is not having to deal with the stress of someone getting paranoid or suspicious about you cheating on them.
     
    #25 fadedstar, Nov 16, 2017
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  6. Truna

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    How are you going to be a great entertainer if you can't even be a kind person online? Or if you can't hold a job? And how are you going to get a relationship if you don't have the confidence to make friends out of strangers? How will you make others happy when you can't even make yourself happy?

    I don't think you made this topic to actually hear any good things because you're stuck in a really unhealthy state of mind, and you want to validate your own opinions.

    Everyone in this thread has made really good points. It's up to you to recognize them.
     
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  7. Euler

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    In the real world it does not initially matter are you a good person or a bad person. All that matters is what kind of impression people have about you and if the impression you give to them is negative they don't even want to know you and can't really find out what kind of a person you are. It is not fair and it is not nice but that's the way the world is. And you do exactly the same thing to other people.


    I'm sorry yet not surprised to hear this. Identical twins have a very special relationship that is even more intense than with regular twins or siblings. You have not only lost your brother but also your mother. These two events have massively impacted you and I think you don't even realize by how much. Everything you have said strongly indicates you have serious depression and dealing with that should be your first priority. I urge you to talk to a therapist or a psychologist.

    I can't tell you is that really your dream or not but I would not be surprised if that was actually the dream of your parents and not really yours. Children want to please their parents and if parents set a goal to their kids no matter how difficult the kids feel they have let down their parents if they don't achieve the goal.

    What makes you think so? I can tell you from my personal experience that achieving dreams do not impact your long-term happiness. Achieving a goal is going to make you happy for a while but after that you are back in square 1.

    Hollywood is full of rich, famous and incredibly unhappy people. All the fame and fortune did not bring them happiness so why do you expect you would be any different?

    Your problem is not not having a boy friend. Your problem is being lonely and not feeling loved. You cannot expect to have a real relationship before you have fixed yourself. Treat your depression, self-reflect and get some friends first.

    And you know this because they told you so or is this just something you think? Now, I don't know what work have you done or if you focused or not but if your boss thinks singing at work is a problem then it is a problem. I don't think they give a rats ass about how good or bad your singing voice is so them being jealous is definitely not the reason.

    If I told you that a man at work has been accused of sexual harassment of women and his defense was he was only joking and that he likes to touch people, what would you think? Although your intentions may not be sexual (although previously you did admit that you fall for straight guys) it does not really matter if the people target of your actions feel they are. You have no right to touch people if they feel uncomfortable about it nor do you have any right to make jokes at work that make them uncomfortable. At work your co-workers have no possibility to leave and get away from you. To me it sounds like you were fired for a very good reason.

    This just highlights what I have said before: your problem is the feeling of not being loved, not not having a boy friend.


    We are being a little dramatic here, aren't we? What makes you think I would want you to commit suicide or go to jail? Why would a random stranger on the internet want that?

    You may not recognize it yet but this kind of shit is exactly what you need to hear. The point is not to make you feel better (nor worse) about yourself but to make you look at your situation from a different perspective. And I know that the different perspective is not to your liking. Unfortunately, if you want your situation to change you need to do something about it. Change does not happen on its own. And to change you need to see what is wrong.

    Here is something to make you feel better. Things don't have to be this way. You can change your life for the better. You are still fairly young. And the best of all, you don't need to depend on others to make you happy. The keys are in your own hands - just walk to a door, pick the right key and open the door.

    You are 27 yet you sound like 17. You need to grow up and someone needs to tell you that you cannot keep living in a dream world. Take your head out of the echo chamber and start working for your own happiness.

    Clearly you have no idea how the entertainment industry works. Being talented is not enough to become famous because there are tens of thousand of people like you just in LA dreaming to become celebrities, yet there is no room for tens of thousands of celebrities. Those who became famous not only worked hard they also got lucky. You may be twice as talented as they are and might have worked twice as hard as they have and yet die as poor nobody. You would agree that basing your financial future on the assumption of winning the lottery is irresponsible and detached from reality. The same thing is if your plan for your future rests on the assumption that you will become rich and famous.

    Remember when I said that your impression about yourself may be very different from the impression others get? You think there is nothing wrong with you and the fault is somewhere else. How would you see a person who tells a random stranger, who took cumulatively 1h of their time just to try to help you, to "fuck right off with that"? Do you think you would see that person as someone you would want to be friends with?
     
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  8. Suomi

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    I am a kind person. Just I don't like being toyed with, as this is a delicate issue.

    Just because I can't hold a job, which I can't, doesn't make me a bad person at all. I know we all have to contribute to society in some way.

    I do talk to strangers. Just being that I'm' black and gay, some people don't' want anything to do with you. I don't mind making friends, yet you can tell when you don't mesh with other people, based on superficial shit you can't change about yourself.

    I am respectable and I understand and keep my distance. I wish I could just keep and use magic on guys so they would like me, even though they are straight and/or racist, but I can't. People just don't like you, and that's just the way it is.

    You should be giving me more credit that I understand and accept this sad loophole and vortex at least.

    I am happy, I just don't like the life I have, and it makes it harder to be happy, for good reason if you ask me.

    That's your opinion, and I accept it. I made this thread as a general question, not necessarily on myself, but it sort of morphed into that unwillingly, but whatever. I respect your opinion and what you have to say.
     
  9. gravechild

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    I didn't know you had a twin (identical?), so I think we should focus on that, first. I've heard that losing a twin is like losing a partner (sometimes more), and its common for identical twins who have lost a sibling to commit suicide within a few years. The fact that you're still here is actually pretty incredible. Therapy wouldn't be a bad idea, but you've got to be open to ideas and listen, not reject them. I've heard there are even such groups for people in your position.
     
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  10. Suomi

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    I'm' just myself. I like guys who are quiet, I like guys who are loud. I don't care. If you like me, I like you. As of late, guys who are "Well you're kinda loud for me man, but you do you." To me that shit doesn't count. You either like me or you don't.

    I do know God loves me though, as I'm a gay Christian.

    Yes, it's really upsetting to deal with deaths of loved ones.

    With being identical twins, I also read notions online, that identical twins usually die soon after the other one does, if they don't die together. So that really makes you think or start to ponder about certain stuff.

    I went through therapy when I was younger. I was told by the psychologist to stop coming. I don't think therapy would do me good. I mean I'll consider it, but I don't know.

    I don't want to take anti-depressants really. When I was on medication in my teenage years, I didn't like what they did to my body. I was like a living zombie, and I hated. it.

    This is my dream. Our parents at the time luckily supported it. So it was a joint thing. We wanted to do commercials, do music, do acting.

    If anything, the fact I still have these thoughts, shows this is a dream also more towards my own purpose.

    Because I'll have confidence from being a socialite. I might gain networking opportunities to join elites or things like that. Or at least like you said, I'll hear horror stories from the entertainment industry. Which either way I'll be happy. lol. This is still my dream.

    People will know who I am. Get a number one single on music charts (I hope lol.) Be a cast member in a film/tv series. Get the book I'm working on published. Do comedy sketches on youtube, which I've been neglecting my youtube channel though.

    Having a boyfriend, will treat my loneliness. Or just knowing my purpose in the world.

    There is a such thing as non verbal cues? You do know that shit, and are aware?

    I can tell by their actions they didn't like me. They would refuse to sit by me during lunch and stuff.

    I worked in retail, legal jobs, clerk jobs. I worked at a insurance/travel agency at one time. restaurant jobs, server/busboy/dishwashing jobs, hotel jobs, shit like that.

    Yes they were jealous of my singing. Any real man would love me for me to sing to him. Sorry.

    I never said I didn't understand that touching people without their consent is wrong. I'm just upset that my personality doesn't agree with that. I am working on it.

    I just feel alone and upset that way. I feel at least with gay guys, it's double worse. I can't touch women or men. Fuck.

    Right, and having a fucking boyfriend with make me feel loved. As a gay man, I don't' want to befriend a fucking straight guy. I can be cool with him, and have him respect me. But I want a man that's mine, so I wouldn't' give a fuck what straight homophobic guys think.

    Because what other options do I have? If you don't contribute to society, you go to jail or end up dead sadly. You turn to a life of crime, or a life of ill gotten gains.

    Being a celebrity, whether you want to agree or not, is contributing to society.

    I agree to disagree that change doens't happen on it's own. Sometimes things do happen unexpectedly. Sorry.

    But really got angered by that part where you said, "Maybe your life won't be better." To me it just seemed kinda harsh for you to say, "Life isn't going to get better." Like that. You should never say terms like that.

    You don't tell someone who failed their driving test for the 100th time. "Maybe you shouldn't drive."

    No fuck that. Unless that person has a disability or whatever, driving is a main part of society.

    Career and romance are a big part of society. Sorry. I have to disagree.

    It would be nice to have support. Which is where these entertainment aspirations come in.

    It's hard when you don't seem very supportive. There are things that are kinda slightly discouraging me. Lots of media is homophobic, especially the urban music scene and stuff. With acting and stuff; Not much parts for black gay feminine men to play, but whatever. It's still my dream.

    It's not really the rich part, it's the famous part. Having a career. Having friends. Seeing my music out there, or perhaps me collaborating with other artists in the R&B/Hip Hop arena, as me being a R&B and jazz soul singer.

    A good way I've noticed is people doing these reality tv shows as of late. I've been auditioning for reality tv for years now.

    I always wanted to do voice acting for cartoons and video games too. Maybe act in sitcoms and dramatic shows too.

    I still want to be a Power Ranger, maybe audition for that shit lol.

    I don't know.

    I used to feel that this was a dream everyone wanted, but I don't know. I'm really determined to entertain other people by my personality.

    As you think I want to do it for the money, not necessarily.

    If that person was a gay black guy, and the other guy was a gay/bi guy that said, "Let's go out to eat, here's my number.", and he was flirting with him. Then I wouldn't mind.

    If he was just teasing him, telling him to stop playing victim, all that bullshit. Then he can fuck off.
     
    #30 Suomi, Nov 19, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2017
  11. OGS

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    I'll just stick to the original question for now. Being married is awesome but so was being single in that you got to date. Being married is more fulfilling but I don't have a problem with saying that in a very real way being single was more exciting. So many men to meet each interested in different things. It was wonderful. I will admit that when I met my husband I first had that sort of shock of recogntion, this is the special person I'm going to spend my life with, but it was followed quickly by the realization that this whole crazy life I'd been living was suddenly over. Enjoy the stage of life you're in. If you do the next one will always come too quickly
     
  12. Suomi

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    I like how when I called you out on your shit, you stopped. Interesting. Smh.
     
  13. Suomi

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    I fucking disagree.

    My life isn't that exciting, in fact it's been very fucked up.

    I love men, and I'm fucking gay, and I don't' fucking want to be, and I want a boyfriend since I'm fucking forced to be.

    Sorry that shit doesn't work for me.

    I wish I had a boyfriend, I fucking hate being single. Ugh.
     
  14. Lin1

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    I am sorry but why did you post? Your original question was about asking people for their thoughts about the positives of being singles. Lots of people took the time out of their day to write to you about their experience, it's fine if you don't feel like their experience applies to you but there is absolutely no need to be as rude to everyone as you have been on this thread.

    Your attitude in most of the threads you participate in is appalling, and you may want to blame your celibacy or lack of friends and success on you skin color/sexuality /other people's jealousy but based on only this thread it is pretty clear that your negative attitude to everything and everyone is a big part of your problem and a big part of the reason why you probably are in the situation you are currently in.

    Kindness come a long way when trying to meet people and there is no doubt in my mind that if you talk to the people in the real world as you have been talking to them on here that you would be finding yourself in the exact same position you are now even being straight and Caucasian.

    You can either tell me to fuck off (which I expect you to do) or actually try and acknowledge that yes, people may have made a few fair points and that a change in attitude may be needed to get the change in life you are expecting.

    If you feel like you can't help that negative attitude /outlook on life, you may, like other people have suggested, suffer from depression. Talking to a therapist about it as well as about your internal homophobia and finding the correct ways to deal with it and tackle those issues (doesn't have to be medicine, could just be therapy sessions, talk group etc...) could make a lot of difference in your overall happiness. After all, like somebody else pointed out and even though it is cliché, if you don't love and embrace yourself nobody will be able to do it for you. A boyfriend may seem like the perfect solution to you but very few people effectively want to be somebody else's anti-depressant (not least because it almost always lead to an highly toxic relationship), so wether you want to admit it or not, some work on yourself is going to be needed if you really want to see a change in your relationship status anytime soon.
     
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  15. Suomi

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    They did. But the thread then turned into guilt trips pointed and attached to me. So at that point, I'm going to respond if I'm in the crossfire.

    I do get carried a way a couple times, and I apologize if it seems like I'm hurting you. That's not my intention.

    Why can't I blame the way I was born, on the way I act. I'm just being myself. I can't be anybody else, other than myself I'm afraid.

    I don't see myself changing, and why I should I? I've done nothing wrong, except be black and gay and feminine. Which are sadly not positive things seen in society, to be, in both straight and gay arenas, but again. I didn't ask to be born this way at all, so I'm not changing sadly.

    If I were straight and white, I wouldn't be on this site, and I would most likely be in a relationship.

    I would have white straight male privilege, and I would have no reason to suffer from sexuality and race issues which are most of my problems.

    Will I be perfect? No. But my life would be a lot more privileged and happier.

    I'm not changing myself for someone else. Yes I have an attitude, and that's what makes me special from everyone else. I'm fine the way I am. I like the way I am. I don't' like the way I was born, and the life I have to go through with society. It's a difference.

    I do. So if that's apart of me, getting professional help for something I can't change about myself, what for? I'm not hurting myself or other people, which I'm not.

    Yes I'm depressed.

    That's why I want a boyfriend. Why fucking pay a therapist to tell me shit I could have told myself? Why befriend straight people so I can just be envious of them, (especially straight men which I need to refrain myself from.)

    That's why I want a boyfriend.

    If I didn't love myself, I would have killed myself. I just would like a boyfriend. Just because I bitch about being black and gay and not loved and hated by everyone and hating being single, and not having a boyfriend. Doesn't mean I don't love myself.

    It won't be like that.

    Just have a touch my hand, smile at me. Let me rub his back, cuddle with him, let me cook for him, get drunk and high together, a guy to kiss my lips, hug me, say my name, go to the movies, go travel with, sleep with, that's enough. I don't need him to be my slave. I don't need him to be my pin cushion, none of that shit. It's not like that.

    I feel being black and gay, I can't have that, and I feel like it's unfair.

    I don't need to work on myself, I'm fine the way I am.
     
  16. Lin1

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    I don't think you understood my post.

    You once again keep saying that all your problems are due to the fact that you are black, gay and feminine. But it's not, I know quite a few feminine gay black guys who happen to be in a relationship. When I say, you probably would be in the same situation if you were white and straight it's because if you express yourself the way you have been expressing yourself on EC, with the same amount of rudeness and content for others people, people probably wouldn't want to date or befriend you either even if you were to be white and straight. I wouldn't date a guy or even a girl who would speak to other people and dismiss other people the way you have here wether they were the hottest person alive or not and I am definitely not the only person thinking this way. Rudeness closes you door, wether you are white, black, yellow, purple or blue and straight or gay.

    I wasn't suggesting you consult to change being black or féminine, that's not a problem, I was suggesting you consult to deal with your internal homophobia as well as your general outlook on life. You have said a lot of things on EC as well as seriously displayed an anger problem on here that definitely do need to be addressed, if not for your sake for the sake of the people on the receiving end.

    I reiterate that people don't want to be other people's antidepressant. I have no doubt that you will be a loving boyfriend but people can and do feel when someone else need them and is dependent on their presence and their love, people can and do feel when someone is desperate to find someone and that's usually a turn off and if it's not and it's usually because they are in a bad spot themselves or are wanting to benefit from other person's desperate need for someone, that's why finding ways to be happy being single is important. Because that will automatically make you more appealing and less likely to end up into a toxic relationship.

    You have made the whole post about YOU, by the way. It started with people replying with general answers as you had asked but you kept saying it was bullshit and wouldn't work for you because X, Y and Z so you are the one who made it all about you. See the last reply from OGS who stuck to the original question giving you a general answer based on his experience yet your replied making it all about yourself?

    It's also not crushing your dreams to tell you that it may be difficult to end up in the entertainment industry. I am surrounded by people who work in the industry (either as actors, professional dancers, script writers or technicians for the cinema and stuff) and by a lot more who want to be in the profession. Truth is, there isn't a spot for everyone, and it's very sensible to tell you that building a career in something else may be the right way to go about it. Nobody is telling you to abandon your dreams but to approach them in a sensible manner.

    I repeat that a lot of good points were made by others, I am a bit surprised by the fact that you seem to expect things and people to change towards you when you aren't willing to change towards them, but if you are happy that way, good on you I guess.
     
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  17. Suomi

    Regular Member

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    I did. You are trying to say bad attitudes are universal, regardless of race, sexual orientation gender, etc. I have to disagree. Gay men with attitudes (which being gay I don't blame a guy for having an attitude), are seen as worse than straight men with attitudes. Women with attitudes are treated different than men with attitudes. People who are gay that have attitudes are treated differently etc.

    It's deeper than that.

    Well that's you. You are not everyone.

    I also don't act this way in real life. This is a sacred place, and my inhibitions are lowered a bit.

    I currently have a crush on a straight guy. He's very rude, says inappropriate jokes, has said very hateful racist/homophobic stuff to my face, women seem to like him, he's just a grade A asshole. But I love this man so deeply and I want him. So why am I attracted to him then?

    Aren't humans fascinating for this shit to happen?

    I don't have internal homophobia. I meant to bring that up last time you mentioned it. Okay?

    Yes I'm angry, and for good reason. In real life, I respect other people. I'm just a little upset right now. The internet is just a place to vent. I don't appreciate you judging me like that.

    Again, I said it won't be like that. I know the signs of clingy actions and stuff. You think I'm ignorant and foolish?

    I also don't' see the issue of reciprocating that persons feelings .Sometimes people go through shit in their lives and are permanently scared and just act that way.

    You're seeing it as a crazy clingy person, I don't. So.

    Well it is my thread, and I didn't intend for that to happen. Since it did, it doesn't matter anymore. It's whatever at this point. It's now a free for all .

    It's the fact his attitude about it was making it seem like an impossible dream.

    The way you just put it, is more sensible and polite.

    The way he put it, was very disrespecting and he was trying to crush and soil my dreams.

    When did I say I want people to change?

    I did say that people don't' like me, and I wish I could make people like me, but I just can't.

    I just said I want a man that loves me.

    I don't want people to change at all. Where did you get that.

    I want other people to be themselves.

    I want to also be myself.
     
  18. gravechild

    Regular Member

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    Have you ever thought that crushing on a straight guy is a "safe" way to form attachments, since it doesn't involve commitment or rejection? You already know in advance that he's off the table, so you can keep gazing from afar.

    I think internal homophobia might also play a part, since who can be considered more "masculine" than someone who isn't into men at all? There are stories of gay men interested in "straight" guys, but as soon as they reciprocate interest, the gay men loses motivation and moves on.

    Anyway, you can't start a thread asking for advice and then shoot down every post. I mean, you can (you have), but I'm not sure what the purpose is? Are you looking for someone to agree with you? Validation? Keep in mind that comfort isn't always healthy or in your best interest... Hard truths and struggle are needed to grow and move forward.
     
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  19. Euler

    Regular Member

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    The point of the anti-depressants is just to help you enough so that you can cope with your daily life and seek therapy. The point of therapy on the other hand is self-reflection. I don't know the reasons why your therapist recommended you not to come. Maybe you did not work well with that particular therapist.





    Now, that just sounds silly and immature. Why do you want people to know you? That sounds kind of narcissistic.


    But do you know how to get along with a boy friend? Or with another human being for that matter?

    No disagreements here. However, I wasn't talking about if ppl dislike you or not. I questioned the reasons you gave why you think ppl didn't like you.

    I'm not sure if you intended that as a joke but I'm pretty sure nearly everyone here would agree that if you start singing to a co-worker at works it's just awkward. I would stay clear of a co-worker who would randomly sing at me.

    Well, given everything else you have said I wasn't at all sure if you realized ppl don't like being touched without permission and that it's a perfectly acceptable reason to fire someone.

    Umm. How about just finding a regular job that you like - or at least can stand - and then focusing on trying to be happy. I don't care if you contribute to the society or not. (And dying or going to jail are not the only alternatives, one common alternative is to becoming a welfare leach.)


    Yes, and nearly every week someone wins the lottery. However, generally speaking, if you want something to change in your life it's up to you to make it happen.

    Perhaps you should improve your reading. Now, your quote is inaccurate as I have nowhere said that "maybe your life won't be better". I guess you are referring to this line:

    "It may be you never become rich and famous and get a super hot BF who worships you but you know, you don't need any of those to be happy and at peace with yourself. Because that is what you ultimately want, right? To be happy."

    I am stating a possibility that it is likely that you never obtain a celebrity status and get a super hot BF. In stead of wanting things that are unlikely to achieve you should focus on more attainable goals such as getting a regular job and settling for just a normal looking BF (not that you anywhere stated that he would have to be super hot this is just an example.) If you set yourself goals you are unlikely to reach it's going to make you unhappy. This is very different from saying that your life won't get better. In fact it's the opposite of it. I am saying your life can and most likely will get better if you set more realistic goals and focus on the root causes that make you unhappy.

    I disagree. If someone, despite their best efforts, has failed a US driving test after 100 attempts, then it is rather obvious they are not fit drive and trying to take the test 101st time is unlikely to change the outcome. Maybe that person should try to come up with an alternative plan to get around if the primary plan has failed.

    Yes, career and romance are essential parts of life and I'm not saying you should give up on either of them. I'm saying you should try to get a realistic career, not a day dream. And when it comes to romance, well, it seems like you got some personality issues which make it hard for you to make friends and unless you just need a fuck buddy, no one is willing to date you unless they at least can get along with you. My advice is try to improve your personality. Learn to be less loud and more considerate of others. I've seen ppl change and it's entirely possible.


    I'm having hard time seeing how entertainment aspirations and support go together.

    I think you and me have very different understanding of the word "supportive". To you, the word seems to mean unconditional support of your dreams and views irrespective how realistic they are or what is the likely outcome of encouraging you to pursue such dreams. To me the word means helping you to achieve long-term happiness and steer you towards a direction where you are likely to succeed in that and telling you honestly if I think something is unhelpful in that. By all means, pursue fame all you want but don't make it your long-term survival plan. Get a job and go to auditions as a side job.

    You don't need to be famous to have a career and friends. I would in fact claim that being famous is detrimental in getting friends for 2 reasons: 1) it tends to attract people who are attracted to fame and 2) regular ppl tend to think famous ppl wouldn't be their friends so they don't even make an effort to become your friend. It can become really lonely.

    And how has that worked out for you? If you had some special talent don't you think they would have picked up you by now?

    Are other ppl enterained by your personality or the show you put up? So far I've gotten the impression that ppl are mostly annoyed by you being loud.

    So tell me exactly how does it help you to "play the victim"? Granted, your life is probably much harder than for someone white and straight but how does complaining about that help you? Let me tell you a personal example. When I grew up I was severely bullied and quite universally not liked. As I was not black I couldn't really blame racism for it but my mom had an alternative excuse. It was because I was so smart that other kids were just jealous of me. Now, that narrative was incredibly damaging to me because it prevented me from doing some genuine self-reflection thinking that the fault is in everyone else but me. Now, the reality was that I had poor social skills and wasn't that pleasant personality. Only years later did I realize that. Once I made a conscious effort to try to fix those personality flaws I suddenly started getting friends. Now, of course, not everyone liked me and not every bully stopped but most of my problems went away.

    Now, you may say it's not comparable because you are black but I disagree. The same people who don't like you for being black would probably find some other reason to not like if you are not exactly like them. And do you really want to be friends with those ppl in the first place?
     
    #39 Euler, Nov 21, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2017
  20. Lynn12

    Lynn12 Guest

    Suomi, when it comes to the entertainment industry you need a mixture of talent and luck. My cousin is an actor. He went to college for many years and got a degree in Theater Arts. He has been in commercials and has had some small cameos in some well-known TV shows and movies. He doesn't do it full time though. He goes on auditions, but when he is not doing a project he is working at his main job. You basically have to have another job unless you hit it big. I think what you need to do is take the steps needed to get into the entertainment industry. If you're serious about it, go get a degree in Theater Arts or whatever area you want to follow and work hard. Get some experience and some training in acting or singing. Don't put all your eggs in one basket though. Make sure you have another job lined up and then go on auditions. The entertainment industry is very competitive. You need all the experience you can get. After that, you just hope that you get lucky and meet the right person at the right time that will give you your lucky break.
     
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