So two years ago I came out here on EC as genderfluid. I felt great. It made sense of how I was experiencing gender and I finally felt free - the happiest I'd been in ages. Coming out on Facebook last year made a huge difference to my happiness and my relationship with my partner. The thing is, as time has gone on I've started to question my gender increasingly often. I feel like I'm being pushed towards binary trans. It's been a while since I've felt exclusively male and I'm beginning to wonder whether my default setting isn't just me locking down on an exclusively female identity. Often if I try and picture myself, It's like I'm happy to be genderqueer or with a drive to present androgynously, but I want to start from an afab body, not the amab one I have. I'd rather be an afab trying to look amab than the other way around. Conversely I don't feel that if I identified as exclusively female that it would be enough. What would I do with my masculinity which I feel is a valid part of me? It's like I'm a tomboy but I feel like often I'm just too masculine for that. I do get dysphoria. It sucks. But I worry a lot that transition wouldn't solve my problems. I do still have days where I'm happy with my body and being perceived as male, that I am male. Why is this happening? I thought once you'd found your gender, that was it. Sorry I'm panicking - It's hard not to when I feel the gender rug has been pulled from under me again.