What's A Good Age To Come Out?

The best age to come out is different for everybody. It would depend on how accepting and supportive your family, friends, and community are. If you feel comfortable in your own skin, and know that you will still have people who love you, then anytime (probably the sooner the better) would be a good time to come out.

But if you know that you'll have a hard time coming out because of bigoted people, then you may be better off coming out when you are older (possibly during college or after you have a career).

I think that at 13 years old, you may be respected and taken seriously, but there may be people who think that you are naive. Are you in high school yet?

 

You should tell you mom and brother! Imma attempt to persuade you to do it with a nice little story!

Picture this: Being able to bring your new totally cute girlfriend to dinner at your house. Picture playfully feeding her, messing around in your room, being able to wrap your arms around her and give her a nice, deep, and warm goodnight kiss at the end of your night together. And the best part is that if your family knew you wouldn't have to hide!
Wouldn't that be nice?
(sorry, it got a little mushy. haha)

 

....you just destroyed my whole fantasy!
hahahaha

 

I know what your thinking.

"If only..." I lived out there too! Then that would happen for sure! hahahahahaha

 

I'm not completely out and don't plan on coming so for a very long time so keep that in mind when you read my post. I came out to my immediate family when I was 15 and everyone except one person took me seriously. You may have a good shot

 

Unfortunately, for some people, the worry isn't a matter of "will they take me seriously." For some people, they fear ostracism and being abandoned by family. I don't want to scare you, but you may want to think about these things before coming out to your family. You have my support, whatever decision you make!

 

The "best time" is whenever you decide it is. When you feel the time is right, the people you're telling are ready, or you feel you have no other choice. Sometimes it's a combination of the three.

There are people that don't feel ready to come out until 40-50+ years of age. In fact, some people here on EC fall into that category. Some come out at 12, some at 22, some at 100. They do it whenever they decide to, and you should too.

And if your family doesn't take it seriously, then they have no right to be suprised when you bring home a boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

agree with black cat.
i half came out at 12, but properly at 16.
and again.
and again.
and again.

come out when you are ready

 

How old is your brother?

And maybe you could consider coming out to the gay cousin.

 

I have to admit it throws me for a loop every time that I see someone your age talk about coming out.

It was nearly 2 decades ago when I was your age. The world was a much different place back then. Don't Ask, Don't Tell had just gone into effect, for the most part the country was no where as gay friendly as it is now. The World Wide Web was in its infancy, and internet access was not widely available, so we didn't have sites such as these to help us. I remember how confused I was back then, I couldn't understand why I liked looking at naked guys. The only thing I knew for sure was that you did not tell anyone.

I also have a sister your age. I was a senior in high school when she was born. I remember planing dress up with her and watching Teletubbies. It is hard to think that she is growing up, and becoming interested is sex. In my mind she is still a little girl. It can be hard to let go of that innocence and watch kids having to deal with adult issues. So yeah you may have a problem with people taking you seriously, but that is our problem not yours.

The question of when is something only you can answer. If you feel comfortable and don't think you mom will react negatively you can tell her now if you want. If it is something you are not comfortable talking about, or think you mom with react negatively it is ok to wait. The important thing is to do it because you want to, not because you think you have to.

 

The age of coming out is different for everyone. I told all the people at school, who have never bullied or invalidated me in any way, before I told my mother, and I wish I hadn't told my mother so soon. (I started coming out at the end of May 2011, a month after I hit 14.) She doesn't take me seriously, thinks it is a phase, and so on. My brother, however, was the first person who knew, and he was absolutely fine with it.

I would say that you are the only one who can know if now is the right time to come out. Bear in mind that people will probably think diffferetly of you coming out at 13 than at 16 or older, but not necessarily worse. Many people will likely be accepting of you at any age. I'm glad that I've told all the people I have, as even with my mother, it means that by the time I'm getting a boy/girlfriend, she won't be able to say I'm going through a phase.

 

THANK YOU THANK YOU! I sometimes feel so old being on here!

 

It really does depend on your circumstances, but I think it has to come down to wondering why you should come out at this time. I presume it's that you want to be able to speak freely with your parents. That in itself should be the reason, rather than any feeling that you have to. I think the biggest thing you'd have to worry about is that she might think you'd be bullied. I think the most important thing for you to focus on is building up a peer support group, enough friends, and say your cousin, who can be there for you. When it makes sense to tell your parents, do. Don't rush that, and read up on literature from PFLAG: Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays before you do, so you're ready with any questions. Don't forget, at 13, your mother would probably not want to think about you being interested in boys that much either.

 

Depends. In some situations, it's pretty dumb to stay in the closet. If your parents are pursuing you and telling you repeatedly, "it's okay, we understand," to the point of hassling you, and your sister is telling you, "quit pretending you're not gay. It's pathetic," it might be time to come out of the closet, kid. At that point, you're only fooling yourself.

On the other hand, I knew an 80-some year old man who paid his family a visit in the past few years. His OLDER brother gave his aging and badly ailing dog a swift kick in the ribs just for spite, all out of homophobic nastiness. For some people, there is never really a good time for coming out to their families.

It's so personal that I doubt there's really any definite age at which it's more appropriate than at any other age to come out of the closet to one's family.

 

Based on my experiences you might want to wait until you get a little older. The only person who took me seriously when I was that young was my big sister. It also depends on your family and how you think they'll take it. Like when I was younger I went through "phases" of things I was into and then not into anymore (I think every young kid went through that tho) so my family assumed me liking girls was some kind of phase I was going to grow out of or whatever. I'm 19 years old and my mom still thinks I don't know what I am. If you think your family will take you seriously and not reject you or hassle you over it then I would say go for it. But just be careful because it's going to hurt if they don't take you seriously.