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Whatr is your opinion on "saving yourself" for your future spouse?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Kodo, Mar 16, 2016.

  1. Psaurus918

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    I have a relatively low sex drive, I'm not saving myself for that special person but at the same time I'm not looking for hookups or to rush into a sexual relationship.

    It actually makes it extremely hard when using dating apps/sites because it seems everyone wants to hook up
     
  2. Natasha Elyssa

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    I don't really want to "save myself" for anybody, however I wouldn't want to have sex with just anybody. I feel like I should have feelings for anybody I do anything with. Complete strangers are probably a no no for me. Yet, I wouldn't save myself for marriage or anything.
     
  3. Libertino

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    I'm with Psaurus on this one. I'm not actively saving myself, but my sex drive is so low (I'm fairly certain that I'm demisexual) that I have been effectively saving myself and probably won't do anything sexual with someone until I am in a meaningful relationship, if that ever happens.
     
  4. guitar

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    I have no desire for my potential future husband to have "saved himself" for marriage. I only hope he practiced safe sex and preferably didn't sleep with half of the city, increasing his risk (and my own) for an STI contraction. Sexual activity has a lot of positive health benefits and experience can be a good thing.

    With that said, if someone is a virgin, I really don't care one way or another. Everyone needs to start somewhere, and we can explore what he might like and not like together. :slight_smile:

    As far as the religious ramifications of that, I'm not touching that issue with a 40-foot pole. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  5. crazydiamond

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    I understand why some people might be more comfortable not having sex until they're married. But in my eyes, marriage is a really serious commitment that I would not want to make until I'm sure that the sexual chemistry matches the mental chemistry and the emotional bond that I have with someone. I think that sex is a very important part of a relationship and if you don't know what it's like, you can't really know how the relationship will go long term. That's how I look at it.
     
  6. Ruby Dragon

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    Well, I used to say that I'll wait until I'm married to have sex, but things just didn't work out that way... :grin:

    ETA: Oh, and my opinion on it is, to each their own :shrug:
     
    #26 Ruby Dragon, Mar 16, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2016
  7. KnucklesNation

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    It's old school but I respect it.
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    I think it's a personal matter. You can save yourself for the person who you expect to be "the one" only to end up feeling disappointed by them in some way (or several ways). Would you then regret saving yourself for them? I think you might.
     
  9. Loveislife

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    I'm not going for that. But to each their own.
     
  10. ForNarnia

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    Personally, if I got married, I'd hope it would be for life, but I really don't like the idea of having sex with only one person for my entire life.

    I think the whole 'saving yourself' thing is a little out-dated, and I don't really understand the importance of it. That being said, if a partner of mine wanted to abstain, I'd be okay with that.
     
  11. HuskyPup

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    I've never liked the idea, and can't fathom why it would be wise. What if you never find 'the one'? It sets up so many expectations that may not be able to be met. Also, I think it's wise to have sex before becoming too serious, to see if your sexually comparable; I'm married now, but I'd never wait till after I was, before I had sex.
     
  12. Aberrance

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    Well coming from a person who has no interest in sex (at the moment anyway). I think that 'saving yourself' purposefully is completely pointless. People separate and divorce and then what? I don't think you gain anything from staying a virgin until you're married. Its a personal choice so I have no problems with people choosing to, I just see it as kind of pointless in today's society, it doesn't mean anything.
     
  13. IronyIsMySkill

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    I don't mind people who want to wait to have sex until they are married. To me honestly it does not matter. I am not making a huge effort to wait, but if my future spouse would like to wait that is fine with me. It is also fine with me if they had multiple sexual partners. It does not make a difference to me as long as they were safe etc.
     
  14. truebraethic

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    Awful idea! I'd like to not be fumbling and awkward with someone with whom I plan to spend the rest of my life. And I wouldn't want to not know what I was missing.
     
  15. gravechild

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    Well, that's the thing: sex isn't everything for every couple, and especially with marriage, which was more economic or political for most of human history, it was something that wasn't given too much thought.

    You could say that love marriages paint a somewhat idealized image for people. Two people could get along outside of the bedroom, and have a so-so sex life, but put up because it provides stability for both parties.

    Two people could be great together under the sheets, but otherwise remain incompatible. A lot of guys would say "I'd totally marry this person" jokingly, but having to spend years together is quite a different scenario.
     
  16. Just Adam

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    I did think this way when younger but as time passed finding "the one " became far more murky so it was like why waste my life waiting and missing out on things. But frankly I would of rather waited now as when the fun bits done I tend to feel nothing and without any feeling there it is a bit hollow.

    I think everyone has to discover for themselves though what it is that is important to them.
     
  17. Matto_Corvo

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    I think if a person wants to save them self for their future spouse then they should.

    I don't think I'd save myself for them. But I'm not in the hook up/one night stand culture. For me sex should be done with someone I have built a relationship for me. I don't do silly little flings that were heading no where from the beginning. I like to build a friendship with the person I'm attracted to, then ask them on a few dates, decide he this could be a good boyfriend, and then late on have sex in the relationship. Its a more tradional way of doing things but its what I feel comfortable with. A very low sex drive helps with this.
    That and I don't see sex as being THE defining thing if a relationship. The emotional bond is the most important thing to me.
     
    #37 Matto_Corvo, Mar 19, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2016
  18. HuskyPup

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    Interesting...though I could never marry anyone I wasn't having sex with, and who also didn't share or want to explore various kinks and such. As much as my marriage is about sharing our lives for the past 25 or so years, it's also about rigorous, creative, evolving, exciting sex.

    It's hard for me to imagine life without sex; I think I's shrivel up and die.

    I'd be a horrible Monk; one reason why even Eastern religions never had that much appeal: Like Christianity, they still have a less than sex-positive position.

    I want a religion where the monks/clergy are encouraged to go at it like horny rabbits!
     
  19. mobrien1993

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    I don't want to necessarily save myself for marriage but just for the right person and I've always felt that way.
     
  20. HerrinDesFeuers

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    I don't want to wait until marriage. In fact I don't even know I if I ever want to get married, and if I wanted to marry a woman I couldn't even 'really' marry her.

    I don't want to wait for the 'right' person, either. When it happens, it happens. And if it's not so good or even really bad, that's no problem. It just means it can only get better.
    I don't like the idea of a 'perfect' first time because I think if your expectations are too high you can easily be disappointed.