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What were the signs , that made you realize your lgbtq plus?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Nic2552, Oct 29, 2019.

  1. Nic2552

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    Everyone has a different experience but what was the signs that made you realize you weren’t straight ? From childhood up until you finally accepted yourself..

    Love hearing everyone stories.
     
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  2. cjmiller

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    I remember working at a convenient store and there was this regular guy that came in every morning to get a coffee and the paper. I was around 15 or 16 and he must have been in his 40. The first time I saw him I felt something stir inside me and would look forward to every morning when he would come. My heart always would race when I saw him. I also started to fantasize about him all the time which really confused me.

    I'm not sure if he was gay but he was always very nice and I felt a connection but was too scared to acknowledge my attraction to him.
     
  3. I'm gay

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    I thought about and fantasized about boys in school when I was a teenager, and of course I masturbated thinking about them. I think that was my first real clue.
     
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  4. Benway

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    I don't know, I was always an effeminate little spaz, I remember watching "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" for the first time and when the scene with Bob Hoskins without his shirt on was on I just thought "What is that?"
     
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  5. Contented

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    As a young teenager I fantasized about a younger boy that lived next door. I masturbated many times thinking about his body and kissing him. Never did of course. Was always disgusted with myself afterwards. Didn’t occur to me to connect the dots until later.
     
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  6. BiGemini87

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    I think there were quite a few, though not all of them necessarily can be attributed to being bisexual; it's taken me a long time to differentiate between admiration for other girls/women vs. romantic/sexual feelings.

    The earliest precursor for me is probably the first grade. There was a new girl in my class and for whatever reason, I was drawn to her. It should be noted I didn't often like the company of other girls (I was a tomboy and didn't really enjoy some of the games other girls liked, though sometimes I did) so for me to notice her and be adamant about becoming her friend was unusual. Every bit as unusual when I wound up crushed when she didn't want to be friends with me. I won't say this was solid proof of what I've come to realize much later, but I do wonder if it was a taste of things to come when I finally did hit puberty.

    I can think of multiple cases where I was drawn to certain girls over the years, but much like at the age of 6/7, I can't say for certain if any of my feelings were more than merely wanting camaraderie. I know some were the simple want of close friendships, for sure. I also had a hard time being friends with girls (not that boys were any better; not until the later years, at least), so I tended to keep my distance when I thought they'd reject/ditch me. Given my few and far between healthy female friendships, I guess it took me a long time to learn how to have genuine friendships with them. I think in a lot of ways I'm still learning this lesson, which is why I'm also still learning what kinds of women I'm drawn to romantically/sexually.

    Oh, and dreams. In the past couple of years, I've had my share of dreams involving intimacy with other women (repeatedly the same ones) which really snapped me out of my repression. Once I did that, I started noticing a lot of other things, big and small.

    (Sorry, this is sort of a ramble). ^^;
     
  7. Robyn mac

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    When I was in my late teens men kept hitting on me. I blew it off and my friends would always playfully tease me about it, little did I know what would happen later in life . From 17 to 19 yr old it would happen even in front of my friends.
    After 20 yr, marriage got divorced had a girlfriend for many years. We went to a beach where people are known to get nude. Was talking to these 2 men by the water and got fully aroused. My girlfriend brought it up after. She introduced me to some men. We are still together but she brings them home for both of us.
     
  8. 1cgd

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    Same here, and had to run the water cold in the gym showers to keep myself from getting aroused by all the dicks and butts in front of me.
     
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  9. Sundara

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    When I was child, I like to watch a mature guy and he was my neighbor. You know in 80s sanitation iinfrastructure n developing countries were the worst condition. He was peeing under the banana trees behind his house and also behind my house. I peeked him from Windows of my bedroom.
    It was very clear I can saw his dick and I had imagined I could do something with his dick.
    From that moment I am sure I was/am different with other kids and I am a gay.
     
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  10. out2019

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    I could have written this! Expect it was a guy my age.
    I remember trying to masturbate and trying to think of all the 'hot girls' and my mind was saying, go go but my body wasn't budging :slight_smile: . Then I thought of the this boy giving me a blow job and orgasmed in less than 30 seconds. I was shocked and felt guilty for days.. But then I started to fantasize about giving him one, dating him, kissing him... but I went into the denial - for decades....I told myself it was just a fetish...

    I would always masturbate and 'switch' to a girl at the last minute to 'prove' i wasn't gay (this is very common with men in denial, I learned when I joined here) ... but something happened a few years ago: while I was looking at a ballet video, I told myself I was looking at the attractive woman but something about the guy, the video showed a butt shot of him in tights and I melted.... I started masturbating, I told myself I wanted to be gay, and I would not 'switch' and if I did that there was no turning back... sure enough a few months later I was here!

    But still had a LOT of denial...that's where this forum is so helpful:
    First someone suggested look into the mirror and say 'I am gay" I was shocked how warm and wonderful it felt! I was scared to say it all these years!
    then someone asked here, who could you imagine coming home to, looking into their eyes and saying 'i love you'... I finally after all these years let myself imagine it. That's where I shifted from afraid of being gay to realizing that I was keeping myself from expressing beautiful feelings of love!
     
  11. Danabutton

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    I guess the first time was when I was in 4th grade at a sleepover within my best friend. He had a toy paramedic kit and growing up as a child of the 1970s Emergency! Was a big show to watch....
    Anyway we decided to play doctor, he was the doctor and I was the patient and one thing led to another and I felt guilty as hell afterwards and spent years in denial...
    When I was in my teens I would get hit on by gay men when in worked in a video store...on the exterior I was grossed out but something would stir inside of me, possibly because someone was paying attention to me.
    I was always attracted to girls but felt inferior around them. When I list my virginity at 19 it was the best thing in the world because I was able to rationalize that I was straight.
    However, three years later when the ration ship ended I had this compulsion to have my belly button pierced and I felt sexy in a way I never did before. I was always on the line between androgynous and this was the third time something stirred inside of me...
    I could go on but I don’t want to bore anybody....
     
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  12. Contented

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    QUOTE="out2019, post: 6682983, member: 99550"]but something happened a few years ago: while I was looking at a ballet video, I told myself I was looking at the attractive woman but something about the guy, the video showed a butt shot of him in tights and I melted.... I started masturbating, I told myself I wanted to be gay, and I would not 'switch' and if I did that there was no turning back... sure enough a few[/QUOTE]

    These exact words could be my story. I fell in love with male ballet dancers and their incredible bodies. I would masturbate with fantasy of being with them. I no longer pretend to switch to women just before climax. It was so much more intense when I let myself go and think exclusively about a man. I wanted to be gay and fought it for awhile until I admitted to myself this was no phase I was gay and I wanted to be gay.
     
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  13. NotTooLoud

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    I was raised in a very strict Christain family and totally naive and I had been teased a bit by my friends, but could not understand why. I liked to look at pornographic magazines with a friend (at his house, of course!), especially Penthouse because it had men and women together, IN THE ACT (now I know and can admit that I was really just looking at the men!). Anyway, I had this Electronics class in 9th grade and we were making sound organs, remember those? Where the different lights go on when treble or bass is detected, etc.? And this other student, who very obviously worked out, was sanding the wooden box that held all of our electrical equipment, his arm moving up and down, up and down, and I could see his muscles and his veins sort-of popping out, and his biceps flexing. I wanted to go to him, like magnetically, and press myself against him and just feel him, up and down, up and down!
     
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  14. Tightrope

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    This struck a chord. In my late teens and early twenties, I definitely noticed handsome suits who were older than me. Most of them had dark hair. I must have had good taste. Many times, women would mention how good some of these guys looked. Was it a daddy issue? I don't think so. They didn't look anything like any of my male relatives and my father was very present in my life. I was more likely to notice them than guys around my age. It was a definite type that caught my eye.

    What was it about this 40 y.o. that got you going? I'm guessing he wasn't married.
     
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  15. Nickw

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    As a kid, I used to look at the guys in the underwear ads and it would arouse me. But, I would also get aroused by the women. So, I never understood that I could be "gay" since I was attracted to women. Gay wasn't about sex when I grew up. It was about a guy acting like a girl. So, I never saw myself as gay.

    When I was in Junior High I even had a boyfriend. We would "practice" kissing and hung out naked. But, we were too young to understand it.

    It sounds pretty stupid, but I was 20 when I understood what I was. I met a guy I liked and he could tell. He had a girlfriend. One day he took me aside and told me I could like both men and women...It was a thing...bisexual. The light bulb came on. He and I never connected because I was terrified. But, I remember that conversation like it was yesterday.
     
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  16. cjmiller

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    I couldn't say for say he was or wasn't married, I can't remember if he was wearing a ring. Like you I don't think it was a daddy issue since my was around and we had a great relationship.
    He was just so damn attractive and everything about him made me want to just be with him. It was really my first huge crush on someone.
     
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  17. HorizonSea

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    Recently, I didn't want to have a relationship with a man and I started to look at women differently than I used to.
     
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  18. Goya

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    The thing that really made me look at my sexuality was starting to have real feelings for a woman. Over the years it had always been artraction which I ignored and pushed down. This was different. I couldn’t look her in the eye, I loved things about her that weren’t just sexual attraction. I explored it, a lot, and here we are.
     
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  19. NotTooLoud

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    OMG, I knew I had to keep my eyes on the wall! But it was so f#cking hard to do so!
     
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  20. Choirboy

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    I don't know that there was ever any great confusion about what I felt or who I was attracted to. As a very young, i.e. pre-teen kid I remember gawking at guys a little older than myself and following their every moves. When I was 8 or 10, my dad got a brief membership to some club where we could swim, males and females completely separate, and there was a lot of nude swimming and wandering around the locker room. I remember looking rather breathlessly around at the guys and it had to have been pathetically obvious that I was checking them all out. By middle school and high school I found myself watching specific guys and fantasizing about them, usually darker skinned guys with curly dark hair (and if they had blue eyes, I was mush!). I always, always lingered on the cute guys and barely noticed the girls at all, except as friend material.

    The better question was how I ever managed to land in the closet. It was really all a big mistake in a crazy way. I never thought of myself as anything but rather shy and awkward, but otherwise totally normal. No one ever said anything about being gay as a positive or negative, or ANY thing. I somehow rationalized that the feelings I had for the right girl would far outweigh any other feelings I had. But it never seemed to happen, largely because I felt ridiculous trying to create feelings for girls, and they picked up on it immediately.

    So gradually I began to figure out the obvious, but I was still very focused on a family, while at the same time processing the gay men I did know, and the lives they led, and feeling that I wouldn't fit in well with their community or overall lifestyle. When I finally got to know the woman I eventually married, the feelings I had for her were genuinely different and stronger than any other woman I had dated, and we had a long time for things to develop (she was in an abusive marriage), so a bunch of different feelings like protectiveness, friendship, care, all came together and I saw her as that mythical "right girl".

    So my being gay was barely below the surface and I saw those feelings as something of an inconvenience, which I was surprised to discover really DIDN'T gradually fade away after I got married. And as our relationship got less and less ideal, coming out seemed like the obvious and sensible thing to do. Not to mention honest. So I never so much realized or accepted that I was gay, I just chose to stop pretending I wasn't.
     
    #20 Choirboy, Nov 6, 2019
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2019
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