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What was the one thing that made you start questioning your sexuality?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Lemony, Nov 20, 2020.

  1. Lemony

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    I’m interested to know what one thing made you start questioning your sexuality? Mine was a new close friendship with a girl and new discovered romantic feelings. Which Led to jealously of her “boyfriend” and then noticing I do found some girls romantic and sexuality attractive and realising the previous un known suppressed feelings of wanting to kiss girls.

    What was the process like? For me it was the constant, “I’m straight. Straight line direction. I like guys. Guys more so I’m straight. I’m straight. I was just feeling lonely after a bad complicated friend/relationship.”
    Repeated in my head. I struggled with this for like 2 years or so. I was 13 and didn't want to mention anything because if I did then I would have to talk about it which meant I could be In fact bi. The only person I talked to about it was my dog and she was a very good listener and supportive. Now I’m slowly trying to except it and my mum knows I’m bi and one of my friends.

    So what was your one thing that started it all? What was the process like?
     
  2. R3TR0

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    Hi Lemony!!

    I was always a “Tom Boy” I never liked the girly things and I would always have more male friends than girls, simply because I preferred footy to make-up! I actually really liked this boy in secondary school and there was no sign really of any MAJOR interest in girls. I mean, I thought some girls were attractive but never thought I’d be with one, could be with one or even be romantically attracted.

    It was just into sixth form really when I started to kind of suspect I may be bisexual. Girls became even more attractive to me but I was still “into guys” too. Looking back now though I reckon that was more me thinking in order to be “a little bit normal at least” I’ve got to try and like men.

    Low and behold, now at 28, I’m not attracted to men in the slightest and I’m completely gay and this is where I’ve been most comfortable in myself. Even though it’s only my immediate family I’m out to right now, if someone asked me if I was gay I’d totally say “Yeah”.

    So, sixth form I started considering, around 22ish I came out as Bi to immediate family, and now I identify as gay.

    ❤️
     
  3. BiGemini87

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    There wasn't just one thing that made me realize it, but I guess the recurrence of certain themes. Particularly being drawn to certain girls when I otherwise didn't want anything to do with most of them (at the very least because I didn't share many--if any--of their interests. And at the very most because girls could be incredibly mean to me growing up). The fact that the girls I was drawn to created similar/the same feelings as guys I had crushes on didn't help, because every time I'd start to figure this out, I'd shut the thought down before it was fully realized. :sweat_smile:
     
  4. PeterWI

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    Well, the gay porn was a giveaway. :wink: Seriously, though, it was attractions or desires to have sex with guys. Just... you know... try it out.

    It took me a while to connect the desires to actual sexuality. Apparently, straight people don't fantasize about gay sex all the time. Who knew?
     
  5. Hypernova

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    Nothing really I just started questioning it one day and now I'm a demigirl lesbian :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  6. CalP

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    Honestly I just assumed I was straight until one day when I was about 11/12 I just thought “I like guys.” and panicked lol. I then proceeded to look at pics of men and women and I preferred the men but I just told myself I liked the women. I honestly think it was just when puberty started and I had started secondary school, when I started to feel attraction to others I realised I only was interested in boys and didn’t care for girls. Anyways 17 now and that “omg I like guys” realisation at 11 is still true.
     
  7. Sparky2002

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    I was watching a movie with my friends when I was 11 and realized I thought the girl was cute. Then I realized I really liked my best friend. After a few months of thinking "this is stupid I have to be straight" and "what if that just happens sometimes but I'm not not lesbian," I knew for sure because I got a crush on another friend and I began to realize I could never see myself with a guy. Now I'm in high school and everyone around me knows.
     
  8. Waterapple

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    I really never knew what I was until 3 years ago, I always thought girls were pretty and once in 3rd grade saw a music video with Shakira and Rihanna and I knew I was different. I liked girls but was boy crazy because everyone else was, but one of my friends came out as bisexual and explained it to me. I realized then I was bisexual.
     
  9. FuelsMySong

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    Hello!

    The funny thing is I used to take these personality quizzes when I was around 11 that always included a question regarding my sexual orientation. English is my second language so I didn’t really get what they were asking. I knew what “gay” meant but I knew I was not gay (or perhaps I was just homophobic/had internalized homophobia as I am questioning now). I thought straight meant an extra level of gay haha…like “straight up gay” so I never picked the straight option. I always picked bisexual because “it sounds the nicest”. Only to realize that I liked both sexes/all genders when I was around 17. It took me a while to realize this because after I “came out” to myself, I started noticing patterns when I was younger like staring at women at the beach or feeling weird in elementary school changerooms. So far, I’ve had one boyfriend (lasted a month, we broke up when I came out as bi to him because he was a super conservative Christian and disagreed with it). I’ve also had one girlfriend, we started dating in November 2019 and she broke up with me in January 2020 (good riddance! LOL). I’ve only had sex once and it was with a girl (not my ex-girlfriend, a different girl) and I didn’t enjoy it because I never reached climax. I am questioning my bisexuality now because I only want to date girls but I want to see what it would be like to have sex with a guy. Maybe I am homoromantic bisexual, heterosexual? I don’t know HAHA. I don’t think I’m heterosexual though, just want to see if sex with men might make me climax because sex with that girl didn’t do nothing for me.

    Also, when I watch porn, my preferred genre is threesomes, no matter what the gender composition (3 men, 3 women, 2 men and 1 woman, 2 women and 1 men, etc.) but I would consider myself monogamous in real life and don't want to participate in 3somes.
     
  10. Thanatos

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    Hi Lemony,
    For me, it was the same as you. I had doubt about my relationship with a close friend of the same sex, and I realized at a time that I loved her. I was jealous at her boyfriend and did "fake" confessions (she still doesn't know I was serious). So I started questionning my sexuality and I discovered I was pansexual.
     
  11. Mysteria

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    For me, I was jealous too, but I was jealous of lesbians. I was jealous they could be with women, that they had came out. That and I always told myself if my marriage ended for some reason I wouldn't go for a man. That was my big clue.
     
  12. Chubnative

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    I believe I was 10/11ish and was reading People magazine and I saw an ad for Jockey underwear with Jim Palmer in these blue bikini briefs on. And there was another ad with Joe Montana in his skivies. Let's just say that those two magazines were missing a couple of pages. Haha.
    That's was a key moment that I can remember that I was attracted to men. And probably why I like older guys and such.
     
  13. solarcat

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    I've always kind of known that I found boys attractive, but I always rationalized that as normal. I mean, it's perfectly fine for straight people to find members of the same sex objectively attractive (same for gay people and the opposite sex, and ace people for any sex).

    One time a random guy I'd never met before tried to kiss me. He asked why I didn't want to kiss him, so I told him it was because I didn't know him. Then I thought about this, and concluded, reasonably, that I'd rather kiss someone I know than someone I don't, regardless of gender.

    I don't know what specifically got me thinking about my sexuality, though...
     
  14. RD Spencer

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    Had a big mix of same sex and opposite sex, desires and fantasies in my early teens. I knew right away what the same sex thoughts and desires meant. I decided to keep it to myself and not tell anyone. Now that I am much older, I am pretty sure most people can tell that I am not straight.
     
  15. yeah

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    Ten years ago, I was briefly obsessed with this lesbian celebrity for some reason. Kept thinking about her, fantasizing which was weird, I hardly ever had celebrity crushes... and one day it clicked. Everything sort of made sense. Like why am I always wearing dude's clothes and short hair or why I feel sick and awkward whenever I have some sort of a date lol.
     
  16. Loves books

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    The day I had my biggest crush. Id never felt that way before. A retreat team came to my school and we ended the day in the church which is literally next door to my school about 15 feet from it. I was sitting in a church when I realized that my ‘admiration’ of certain girls through the years was something else entirely. I had an epiphany in a church and wasn’t even religious. I was crying but because I was gay, I was crying because they told us we might and others were crying too. I was crying because I missed my brother. He hadn’t gone anywhere but we are really close in age and we were friends as kids but he’s a stranger now. I half expected a lightning bolt to come strike me down for discovering I was a lesbian but I was already agnostic by that point and I had already heard that that day that it was fine to be gay as long as you didn’t act on it. I hated that people were saying that the foreign student who actually asked, was gay. I asked about pre marital sex and I wasn’t having any. I dreamt about one of the girls from the retreat team. Nothing sexual just seeing her again. As I get older the crush faded and I feel silly when I think of it now.
     
  17. out2019

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    I know this might sound funny to some people, but I felt this way too. I made up every reason for it except, well, I might be gay :slight_smile:

    What finally made me realize it was seeing a dance performance, men and women had similar tight fitting unitards - you know you could see everything..I was primarily interested in looking at their rears, but I realized when I saw beautiful bodies together in the same outfits,I was only getting aroused and fantasizing about the guys.

    For the romantic side of things, I was on this forum and I said, well I still am attracted to women romantically (it never occurred to me I never fantasized about that or very little and it felt flat). Someone said, just imagine coming home and kissing someone and saying "I love you", who is it? I tried it and it was with a guy - and I realized I could easily imagine, fantasize and desire being with men romantically and it was super intense unlike my attempts at imagining being with women.
     
  18. Chubnative

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    I was like that in my teen years as well but it felt strongly more for men then women.
    My family pretty much knows what I am. My dad in fact found my magazine stash under my bed. And he questioned my relationship with a girl one time, by saying" you're not going to hurt her feelings"
    I really didn't understand him at the moment but later on I did.
     
    #18 Chubnative, Nov 28, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2020
  19. RD Spencer

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    What’s interesting is who some of my friends are and were. My longest running friendship from my mid-teens is with a guy who everyone thinks is gay. His sexuality has been brought up to me probably over a hundred times over there years by our friends, and even my sisters have asked about him. I know him well enough to say it is very likely he is gay but he has not come to terms with it at all.

    There was another friend I hung out with for a few years in high school who I suspected was gay as well. The funny thing is when we first started hanging out my mom was asking me all kinds a questions about him like about his name, who he was and how I knew him. I realized that the way she was questioning and her tone of voice was exactly how she was when asking one of my siblings about someone who they were dating. It was kinda weird and figured my mom was going off the deep end.

    While all of my guy friends were just friends, I get the feeling that some of my family thinks there was more going on. No one in my family has ever asked me out right if I was bi/gay but there have been dozens of times where there seemed to be some hinting. One sister in particular has strongly suggested but I just played dumb. I have also played dumb with some co-workers who have also seemed to be hinting at my sexuality. I wonder why they care?
     
  20. LaurenSkye

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    The movie "High School Musical" for me. All three leading guys in that movie.