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what was the "moment" you realized your sexual orientation?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Hope4love, Dec 5, 2018.

  1. Highlander2

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    The signs had been there for years, but I was always able to explain it away as a phase, or everyone sits on a spectrum kind of thing. But meeting a guy who made me realise that i was beginning to get feelings for that I couldn't explain away in a 'crush' sense, made me feel this inexorable tide of feelings sweep over me and made it much more difficult each time to deny they were real. The night he reached in and kissed me sealed it and confirmed that I'd not have enjoyed the feelings if I wasn't gay.

    And that was over 5 years ago now. Soon to be marrying my amazing fiancé - life has a funny way of turning out.
     
  2. Chaosbi

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    Cristina Scabbia. End of story.

    I found out about the band Lacuna Coil (around the time I was 14 yrs old) and when I saw her on the insert of their first CD, boom! done! I knew. I have had the BIGGEST crush on her since (I'm now 35). I have told my wife that she is the only person I would leave our marriage for and she totally agrees. She even said she'd even pack my bags for me. Since then I've been to over 10 shows of theirs and even met her about 5 times. For our 1 year anniversary we took a trip to see them (my first time seeing them live) and she surprised me with meet and greet passes.
     
  3. Shirtless

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    Excellent point!
     
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  4. Shirtless

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    I do not necessarily disagree with what you wrote, but if a man is watching a man and a woman having sex and is not turned on, or is focusing only on the man, or if he is watching two women having sex, and is repulsed by it, but is greatly aroused watching two men, I think that is a rather strong indication that he is gay.
     
  5. Shirtless

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    In terms of "when" I should have realized I was gay, I would say, probably about the age of 5 or 6. I have always found a shirtless man far more "interesting" than a topless woman. There is just something about a bare male chest, with nipples and navel visible, that really turns me on. As I reached adulthood, I felt myself "drawn" to certain cute slender men. I never acted on it, but oftentimes, wondered what they looked like without a shirt. On the occasions I was able to find out, I was not disappointed. Seeing a penis was a bonus. I never acted on any of these inclinations. I was confused, felt it was wrong, did my best to put aside the feelings of attraction, but it never occurred to me, or at least I chose to deny, even to myself, that I might be gay. As for women, I recognize an attractive woman when I see one, but they are not attractive to me in the same way that certain men are.
     
  6. dano218

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    I didn't realize this was the start of it however when I was in grade school I would get jealous of other guy friends giving each other hugs and stuff and wanted the same affection. Also most days I enjoyed playing house with my younger sister or barbies with her or even dressing up.

    When I really started questioning my sexuality was when I was in 7th grade and was at baseball game with my family and saw a gay couple. Thought they looked nice together and started seeing myself in a relationship with guys. Sounds rather silly but that I think that was a sign of what was to come for me. That is when I really started going on the internet and figuring out who I was although I did not really come out to myself until 10th grade and stopped lying about wanting to have a girlfriend.

    Also to what others said I think pornography when it does not matter the persons involved it can be very stimulating for anyone and does not necessarily determine sexuality depending on what is turning you on and I am not gonna detail that out.
     
  7. Shirtless

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    You must be younger than I. I am 61. I never saw an openly gay couple in public until the 1990's, when I was in my 30's. In the era in which I grew up, such things simply were not done.
     
  8. dano218

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    Yes I was actually born right in 1990.
     
  9. Gutterpunk

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    it was like that to me, but it included me being absolutely in love with one guy in my class, he and i live near each others, and we grew up together, so, it was super startling
     
  10. Lee65

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    I first suspected I was gay when I was 12. But I already knew that a lot of boys my age go through a temporary phase of being attracted to other boys. I knew for sure I'm gay when I was 14.
     
  11. Lawrence

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    I was 11 and crushed on girls and guys at high school. It was obvious to me. I'd often want to get it on with people I hardly knew. Then a few days or weeks later I'd wonder what the hell I was thinking because I no longer fancied them. Rinse and repeat with few exceptions

    I found the term "bisexual" when I was 15 and that's when I really began to accept myself
     
  12. Arriety

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    It took me forever. Heteronormativity is so intense and my denial was so complete I had an excuse for every thing i felt. When I was 15 I developed a crush on my best friend (she was straight and homophobic). I remember when I realised that I liked her body as much as her personality and she looked like she glowed and I couldn't stop smiling whenever I saw her. I asked myself if I could be a lesbian and pretty quickly rejected the idea because I didn't fit the stereotypes that I knew of. It felt so "other" and I couldn't identify with that identity, plus I knew I had no chance with her. So I repressed it and gradually fell into a serious depression that led to me flunking out of school at the age of 17 and I was so in denial that I had NO idea what had triggered the depression!

    Years of denial and repression have gone by and I even kissed a girl in a nightclub in my early twenties and thought it was the best kiss I'd ever had so I decided she must be a great kisser and maybe women in general kiss better than men! It's amazing the explanations that I talked myself into.

    I remember when I think I finally came out to myself I was drinking wine and watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding with friends and I became certain that I didn't want a relationship with a man. The character was fighting so hard for it and I knew I didn't want that. And then it kind of crashed into me and I was sobbing uncontrollably for the loss of who I thought I had been and the future relationship I had thought i would have and the realisation that I had been in love with my childhood friend and had somehow subconsciously held out hope that she would want me.

    That was just the start of the long coming out process. I never would have imagined it would be such an emotional rollercoaster. I'd always thought of myself as an ally and that being gay wasn't a big deal so it's really great to read about everyone's journeys here.
     
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  13. Rin311

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    It is a big deal though, isn’t it? :slight_smile: not in the sense that there’s anything wrong with it. But when it affects you personally - your concept of who you are and what you see for yourself in the future - it’s a huge deal.
    I can’t say I’m “happy” to be gay - I wouldn’t have chosen this - but I honestly can’t see myself living any other way, and I’m at peace with that. I hope we can all find that peace.
     
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  14. Kevin k

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    I've always sort of known I guess, but the "moment" I guess you could say was as early as 3rd grade, when I was caught looking at other boys in the bathroom. I got quite the lecture. I guess you could say that's when I realized it wasn't normal to like boys and girls.
     
  15. StarChaser

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    I dont remember the exact moment in which I realised I am gay. It is like I always knew it.
     
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  16. grayman

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    It wasn't a specific moment, but around seventeen I just started noticing things. I found myself looking at men when watching pornography and I sort of thought, "Well that's weird." Then I had a sexual dream about a male friend, who I've actually never been attracted to (I suppose that it was just hormones), but that sort of confused me as well. Finally, I just started questioning myself and realized I wasn't straight. At first, I was actually thinking I was gay and was devastated, to be honest. I suppose because society trains us to think that being straight is the "correct" way. After a lot of time thinking about everything, I finally realized I was bisexual. It took a while for me to be okay with it, but now I can comfortably say I am.