1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

what was the "moment" you realized your sexual orientation?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Hope4love, Dec 5, 2018.

  1. eismeister

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2018
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    54
    Location:
    Republic of Ireland
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I felt I was different than the other girls I went to school with when I was about 9. But went to Catholic school and everyone I knew was Catholic, so we weren't even told what masturbation was, much less homosexuality. I had crushes on female teachers and celebrities, but never understood why I had really no interest in boys. I just assumed that I was a tomboy who played too much sport to be interested in boys. Spent nearly 4 years in a relationship with a man in my early 20s before realizing 2 years into it that I wanted to be with a woman romantically. Took me another 2 years to come out to him and friends. So 26. I think for everyone who comes out later than their teens there are signs going way back we all ignored.
     
  2. Danabutton

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2018
    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    76
    Location:
    Baltimore
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I can’t help but notice....that sounds a lot like my situation as well...I was born in 71 and grew up watching shows like Emergency! CHiPs and Incredible Hulk....
    I noticed I was excited when someone was shirtless especially in doctor shows...
    I’m embarrassed to admit that but I think that’s when I knew something was different with me....
     
  3. Zooombini

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2011
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I had crushes on boys as a kid and I always thought girls were really pretty but that's all I thought about it. That all changed when I started hanging out with a girl and we'd pretend to be boys or married and just make out sometimes. I dunno, after that I just thought girls were amazing but I didn't realize I was bi until I was older and actually learned what it was.
     
  4. SiraRom

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2018
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Alabama, USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    The first time I knew something was up was when I was 11. The daughter of our new neighbor smiled at me from across the table at a potluck and I felt my stomach sink to the floor and my face flush. I had only had sexual feelings toward boys (well, a boy) at that point and I was quite confused. I had heard in church that this sort of thing was wrong and didn't know what to do. I battled these feelings for most of middle and high school at the altar when they would pop up, but I was also attracted to guys and dated throughout high school. I was throughly confused, but thought it was best that I keep all of these concerns to myself. Feelings toward women were sufficiently suppressed through college and I figured that it had mostly been a phase or that my feelings could be categorized as normal female sexual fluidity. I was deeply entrenched in Christianity, had internalized homophobia, and was pretty ignorant of the spectrum of human sexuality.

    I left the faith when I went to graduate school and the flood gates opened. I finally met other, open LGBTQ folks and realized that bisexual people actually existed. I developed a crush on the same girl as my current boyfriend (ironic). Broke up with the guy I'd been dating for almost two years who was very biphobic and reacted poorly every time I brought it up hypothetically. After that break up, I spent about a year exploring my sexuality and came to realization that I bisexual was probably the best description of my attractions. It would take another three years or so before I'd tell anyone but my SO about it.
     
  5. Shirtless

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2018
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Arizona
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    One way to test sexual orientation is to watch straight porn and then watch gay porn and see which one causes the greater turn on. When I watched straight porn, it was okay, but I found myself focusing on the naked man. Then I tried gay porn. Two naked men together? Wow.
     
  6. Chierro

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,059
    Likes Received:
    186
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Elementary school, like 4th...5th grade, super young. I think I ended up getting caught in a Google spiral. We had "the talk" at school and after my parents went to bed I decided to Google things and ended up finding porn and liked the gay porn. I didn't like a guy though until probably 7th grade I think.
     
  7. Sweldon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2017
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Oregon
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Okay, mine's going to be really cheesy and gay (pun intended).

    When I was 14 I started to question it. I learned what bi meant and thought "hm, that might be me..."

    Fast forward to when I'm 15. I met this girl. For identity's sake I'm going to call her Arabella.
    Arabella was the closest thing I ever met to perfect. She had beautiful tan skin, perfect curls, and had a smile that made my stomach tie in knots. Talking about her and thinking about her made me feel flustered, but I shrugged it off and just thought it was "friendly admiration" as we were new friends at the time and our friendship was budding.

    Then soon after my 16th birthday was when it hit me. It hit me like a truck, actually.
    Arabella and I went to this music festival in our hometown in the beginning of June. It was really warm out and it had rained earlier in the day, and the sun was just beyond the dark clouds. In the distance there was a double rainbow. Arabella was wearing a black croptop, short-shorts, and the Twilight Woods perfume from Bath and Body works. Talking and hanging out with her that day was boiling my thoughts with her. Then it hit me: We got lost in a crowd, and I got nervous, so I grabbed her hand, and she walked with me holding my hand for a few blocks until we made it out of the crowd. Holding her hand was one of the most happily overwhelming experiences of my life. I was absolutely terrified of being seen with her like that fore I live in a very small town, and my crush on her was pretty obvious among anyone that knew us.
    Now I can't smell the Twilight Woods perfume from Bath and Body Works without thinking of that night and my first lesbian crush. It was that night that really hit me that I was bi and was not just into boys.
     
    beenthrdonetht and Drizzle like this.
  8. Gleek99

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2015
    Messages:
    91
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Las Vegas
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I watched Glee and was like "oh sh-*
    (Hence my username)
     
  9. Wan2Luv

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2019
    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    New York, NY
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Something came up in a therapy session that caused me to make sense of strong feelings I’d had in the past w close girlfriends. I thought “ok so I’m attracted to people from both genders, I have more options.” Soon after I had a intense sexual experience with a guy (after a long dry spell), which made me feel more confident about myself sexually, and in turn spurred me on the explore further. I’m still trying to figure it out but don’t feel interested in men.
     
  10. Melancholy

    Melancholy Guest

    I'm contributing because the idea of sharing (in general) still sounds terrifying to me, so maybe it'll help.

    Always only attracted to women, but I had no idea what it was. Everything around me screamed that being of the opposite sex was a prerequisite for 'attraction' to occur, so, along with my mother's preoccupation with her image, and me feeling obligated to help preserve it, I never questioned this in the slightest.
    A week before I turned 18, I'd had another crush - but this was the first woman who was also exclusively into women. As this was the main thing that was different from everyone else, I feel like this was maybe what made me click. As in, maybe before I'd hoped of being close to the others in some way (but like I said before, there seemed to be no space for it, it didn't fit into any 'schema' or whatever,) yet this time it was like I'd finally had "permission" to fantasize or something. The, erm, -image- just kind of materialised into my head so easily. I was stunned for a moment, followed by being unable to ignore how different and natural it seemed in comparison to the idea of guys. I thought back to every other time this feeling was present and realised it only happened with women, so I finally named this as 'attraction'. Since then, I've been getting angry at the e.g. lost teenage years, revisiting all of the humiliating moments borne out of being in hard denial and certain times when it couldn't have been more obvious.

    I did, however, spend the following week wondering on and off if I'd suddenly "turned gay" *face palm*
     
  11. Brandy Bee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2018
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    89
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Absolutely true for me; there have been signs my whole life that give BIG clues about my sexual and gender orientation
     
    Alice89 likes this.
  12. squipped

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2018
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    This happened to me pretty young....I’d known about the LGBT community for several years but didn’t think I was actually a part of it, seeing as I’d only crushed on boys. Fast forward a couple months and it hit me with the force of a sixteen-wheeler—like, hang on a sec, what if I am attracted to girls?

    With this in mind, I did some research, thought about it, did some more research, thought more about it, and finally took the plunge and watched a video of two girls making out (just FYI, they were clothed, I wasn’t brave enough to go the extra mile). It turned me on, of course. However, I still wasn’t any less attracted to guys, so I stupidly decided I was straight.

    I didn’t have my first same-sex crush until age twelve, the subject being an extremely beautiful, smart, hilarious, kind girl I became fast friends with. (She and I are still buddies, I’m still in love with her, and she’s still oblivious....fun times) I guess that cemented my bisexuality in my mind? Anyway....there you have it!
     
  13. out2019

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2018
    Messages:
    883
    Likes Received:
    734
    Location:
    us
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    with all due respect, this is not good advice pornography is not a good indicator of sexuality - a lot of lesbians like straight pornography, straight guys like lesbian pornography.
    Pornography can also quickly escalate or be entertaining because it is 'thrilling' breaks taboos, or even creates anxiety.
     
    medamaude and Wan2Luv like this.
  14. Young Blood

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2014
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Toronto-Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Fell for one of my friends in high school. Took three to four years to realize what was actually going on and to kind of accept it
     
  15. Tritri

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2014
    Messages:
    319
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Nebraska, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I remember the exact date- February 22, 2014. I was spending a lot of time in denial, and couldn't force myself to stop thinking that I might be gay. Eventually I said "I'm gay" to myself a few times, and the relief felt great.
    Now, it's just a fact of life I'm used to. But the initial relief after denying it for so long felt amazing. I kind of wish I could revisit it.
     
  16. Shirtless

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2018
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Arizona
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I do not think it is anything to be embarrassed about. Thinking back on my own experience, I realize what I was attracted to. I simply refused to put the label on it. And most of time, I do not consider myself gay. I just enjoy seeing other men. Sounds crazy, I know, and it probably is, but it is how I deal with it, for now.
     
  17. Shirtless

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2018
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Arizona
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Actually, now that I have come to terms with it, I realize that, as long as I am discreet, there is a lot more "scenery" for me to enjoy. A man can be shirtless in public, and I am more likely to see a shirtless man than a topless female anyway.
     
  18. BMC77

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2013
    Messages:
    3,267
    Likes Received:
    107
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I can't remember the exact moment, but it was sometime in early 2013, not long after I joined EC. But I'd known for some time (at least several years) that I was sexually attracted to men, and I'd realized that I could be in relationship with another guy for some time. I just clung to a belief that I was "somewhere in the middle" of the Kinsey scale--i.e., I could also potentially have a relationship with a woman. But after joining EC, and thinking a lot, I realized that if I'm not a Kinsey 6 I'm darn close.

    I sometimes think I could have realized I'm gay in junior high if I'd had known that males can be attracted to other males. By the time I did have an understanding, I think I'd picked up an subconscious understanding that society did not like gay people...and so that gave lots of incentive to be denial. For example, it was incentive for me to cling to the thought that I could have a relationship with woman when I was in my 30s.
     
  19. BMC77

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2013
    Messages:
    3,267
    Likes Received:
    107
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Good point.

    And don't forget the chance of being able to discreetly see nude men in the gym locker room, either!
     
    Shirtless likes this.
  20. poohbearxo

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2017
    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    england
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I was watching a program with my family in February 2013, and this butch character was all I thought about. She was so hot, and I realised I had a massive crush on her.
    Fast forward a year, I was still confused so I decided to talk to this girl who was bisexual, and we ended up going out for about 4 months (until she cheated on me).
    I knew I wasn’t straight when I kissed her. I felt like I was in heaven. Oh and her smile, wow it was/is so incredibly beautiful.
    She made me go crazy. She was perfection.
    Also, once we were in a sauna together at our local swimming pool, alone, and all I could think about was making love to her (never happened unfortunately).
    I will never forget my first love and first relationship.
    I am bisexual btw :slight_smile:
     
    #60 poohbearxo, Jan 28, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 28, 2019