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what was the "moment" you realized your sexual orientation?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Hope4love, Dec 5, 2018.

  1. pasinhose

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    The first time I had anal sex. It had built up for a long time and I finally took the plunge. And it was a relief, exhilarating, calming and peaceful all at the same time because then I knew and a question was answered.
     
  2. Contented

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    Very similar experience, once I had anal with my now BF my world changed. It was humbling and empowering all at the same time. I loved every minute of it and pretty much knew right then and there I wanted this kind of sensual erotic pleasure and that I was most definitely gay. I have never looked back.
     
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  3. Destin

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    The first moment I considered it, when I was 13 and started to actually kind of like it when my male friend forced himself on me sometimes.

    The first moment I knew, when my thoughts changed from 'my roommate is a nice dude' to 'I wonder if my roommate would let me have sex with him' (spoiler alert...he did... :grin:)
     
  4. YuriBunny

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    I told a girl from my school that I had a crush on a girl we both knew, and she said, "So are you a lesbian? Or bisexual?" I'd thought I was bisexual for several years, but then I realized I'd never felt the same way about guys that I did about girls. Even if I thought maybe I'd be willing to date a guy, I still wouldn't be attracted to him physically/sexually. So I said, "Uh... Maybe a lesbian..."
     
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  5. BlueMonday

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    I watched Gay porn.
     
  6. Leah061

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    I still don't really know how to answer that, but I will be as candid with you as I possibly can. When I was little I always knew something was different, but I never knew what it was. Then in sixth grade people started calling me a lesbian. Looking back, I know that was probably because I spent a LOT of time staring at girls and people were picking up on that, but I didn't think that made me gay. I was absolutely mortified though, and luckily for me, my family ended up moving to another town the summer after sixth grade, so I knew I would get to start over, and no one would think I was a lesbian if I tried to act as feminine as possible.

    Boys liked me all through middle school and high school, and I liked that they liked me, and I liked that I was able to talk about boys with my female friends, even though I knew it felt like I didn't feel the same way about boys as some of my friends did. I even had a massive crush on my ninth grade English female teacher, but I was somehow able to push all of that down deep inside me and pretend it wasn't happening.

    I honestly believed that for a long time, but in college, I started to identify as bi. There wasn't anything that happened that made me wonder if I liked girls, just being in a different place from the town I grew up in, on my own, was enough to make me come to terms with liking girls. I just thought that nothing would actually come from me being bi, and that I would just keep dating men for the rest of my life. I tried dating and hooking up with guys my first year in college, and I felt so gross and sad about it, and I didn't know why, so I just stopped dating for a while.

    Then I started getting sick, and eventually got a cancer diagnosis, and that sort of took priority in my mind for a while. All of that changed me so much as a person, and I thought I just needed to be by myself for a while, and not date anyone. I know a lot of people, especially on this site, myself included, have a complicated relationship with religion, but the summer after my diagnosis, I found myself at this Christian music festival/workshop (I'm a classically trained musician) and although I hadn't spent much time in church after leaving high school, having cancer left me in such a dark place and I knew I wasn't myself. I didn't go to this particular music festival because it was Christian, I went because I knew it was a good program, and I wanted to improve on my skills as a musician. I knew there was something that I wasn't quite understanding about myself. It was four intensive weeks of studying music and rehearsals, and I felt so broken down that I felt enough of some kind of spiritual connection to whatever higher power exists, and I just desperately pleaded for some form of clarity. My world had felt so upside down for so long, and I didn't really know why that was beyond having cancer.

    Later that year, I ended up falling hard for a gay girl in one of my classes at school, and I knew what I felt for her was nothing like anything I'd felt for a boy. It felt like I had an answer to my prayer, and I knew why I had always felt so detached from myself. I knew that I was always meant to love a woman.

    I don't know why I wanted to share my spiritual journey (I'm sorry that sounds so pretentious lol) but I have been thinking about it a lot lately. Because I know that I have always been gay, but I am also starting to see that for whatever reason, I had to go down this particular path to see that. I feel like we're all on our own journeys, and we have to figure ourselves out in our own perfect timing. There is nothing wrong with the way you feel now, or the way you have felt in the past. We are all growing, and learning about ourselves together.
     
    #26 Leah061, Dec 12, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2018
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  7. beenthrdonetht

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    Well I feel a bit too secular after @Leah061 's (beautiful) story. (What instrument(s) do you play? I arrange Joplin rags for guitar. So soulful.)

    But OK. From very early on I was interested in other boys' equipment. Did the usual "comparing" and touching. That escalated to the also-usual "experimenting". But there wasn't a whole lot of emotion involved. Or orgasms. Then there was noticing girls, which also started early; no so-called latency period. But no young girls in my neighborhood to interact with.

    When dating became plausible, focus shifted to girls, all-out. (Aaah, girls.) But I never regretted my earlier experience or felt guilty. Possibly because my mom was a psychiatrist and of course I had read (or skimmed) all the books on the shelves, and absorbed the "descriptive" viewpoint (this is what people do) rather than the prescriptive or proscriptive (thou shalt/shall not do so-and-so).

    So then as I got to college and grad school, I started fantasizing. Had never really had a male-male interaction to "completion" Too bad, no Craigslist then. Still on the down low, but now if the topic comes up, I freely admit to being "not 100% straight." That's hardly remarkable here in California. People just smile and nod.

    TMI? I could go on but I will spare y'all. :slight_smile:
     
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  8. smurf

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    It took me for freaking ever.

    I had jacked off with guys, watched gay porn, had multiple fantasies, got a bj and I still thought I was just a phase or a horny straight dude.

    It wasn't until my first kiss with a guy that I just KNEW I liked guys. The nerves before it happened, the excitement, and the rush of it all was too amazing to deny. I also got hard like INSTANTLY from a kiss which took me way by surprise.

    After that there was no denying it. Still took me a year to finally come out though.
     
  9. Lone Wolfe

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    I saw a movie poster with the most beautiful boy on it, and I knew I was gay. I didn't just want to meet him, I wanted to ravage his body. I went to that movie so many times I lost count. I knew what I was at that point. I was 15 at the time.
     
  10. Jakebusman

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    For me it was elementary school When I was 9 knew I liked both boys and girls when I became a teenager and I started using internet I learned about Bisexiality and accepted it ever since been in the closet 20 years since I was 9
     
    #30 Jakebusman, Dec 14, 2018
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  11. Jamie92203

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    I crushed on a girl with a boyfriend
     
  12. OGS

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    It was my sophomore year in college. I had always kind of knew I wasn't straight but I figured I was bi and, well, it was a long time ago and if I was bi it just seemed easier to date women, which I did with gusto. It's kind of funny in retrospect but I was quite the ladies man--I've actually slept with more women than a lot of straight guys I know.

    Well, anyway. My roommate had this friend who would visit from Princeton and it was like he was me but at Princeton. We were both religious studies majors, we both did parliamentary debate and he was beautiful. He was also gay and out back when it seemed like no one was out. I was pretty sure he had my number but he was always respectful and never brought it up as we became quite good friends. Well one night we went to a party together. I didn't drink so when he got pretty drunk it was my responsibility to make sure he got back to the dorm safely. We stumbled along through the campus me supporting him as we staggered and talked and laughed.

    When we finally got back to the dorm we were there in the lobby and he went in for a drunken kiss and I went to turn away, which was of course the responsible thing to do. And then I just... didn't, instead I turned into it and went with it. And it was like lightning through my soul. So much so that my legs actually gave out, and of course he wasn't able to support himself in that state, so we fell to the ground, a huge tangle of legs and arms.

    And I laid there for a moment and ran over all of it in my head. It wasn't at all like it was with women. I had mistaken what I had with women for something else. This wasn't a difference of degree but of kind. By the time I was able to get to my feet I knew I was gay.

    Not bad for a kiss from a sloppy drunk guy...
     
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  13. Shirtless

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    From the time I was 5 or 6, I remember watching professional wrestlers and boxers on television and being fascinated that they were shirtless. As I became older, I used to wonder what other guys looked like without a shirt, and when I would finally see one of them that way, I usually was not disappointed. Growing up in the 1960's, television shows with shirtless men were among my favorites. I never wondered or much cared what a woman looked like when she was topless. Throughout all of this, though, I told myself I was not gay.

    To “prove” that I was not gay, I watched straight porn. The only thing that I found interesting about it was the man. I read that two lesbians having sex was supposed to be a turn on to straight men, so I watched one of those films, and it made me want to throw up. Finally, I decided to watch gay porn. I could not believe what I had been missing all these years. It was fantastic. I was in my 40's before I finally admitted to myself that I was gay. Somehow, it did not bother me.

    I am 61 now. I have never been married, and I have no children, and I am not in any relationship. From comments that people make in my presence, I think most people would be shocked to learn the truth about me. I have no intention of coming out, though, because I am concerned about the effect it would have on personal and professional relationships. And if I have no intention of having a relationship with anyone, what would be gained by it? A role model? Encouragement to others? Sorry, but that is not for me.
     
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  14. Adam1981

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    When I used to think about men when I had sex with my ex gf, and when I passed up sex with her to give oral sex to a man off Craigslist. I considered myself bisexual for a long time but am starting to realize I’m more gay than I’d like to admit.
     
  15. konigsberg

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    As far back as I can remember in my childhood, I had thoughts of boys and girls in romantic ways (I wanted to hold their hands, kiss them, etc.) but it wasn't until I was 10 that I met a lesbian and realized that being attracted to the same gender made me "different." It took me a while to find the right title for my sexuality and sometimes it was difficult being aware I was queer from such a young age, but I'm overall happy I had the realization when I did.
     
  16. Lari

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    Yeesh, I remember the specific moment when I realized I was gay.
    In 8th grade I had crushes on girls but thought that was just my mind being funny about wanting to be friends with them, when this girl I had a major crush on approached me and asked if I was ok with her hooking up with my then best friend (awkward guy I used to hang out with at school), it hit me like a punch and I was instantly jealous thinking "no, please hook up with me instead" but I kept my cool and said I didn't mind, and then I spent the night crying by myself.
     
  17. LogicNoSense

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    It happened quite a few years back when I realized that me confessing to girls weren't actually 'stress relief'. Having been raised without knowing anything about sex or sexuality, it took me a while to link those feelings to that of "Hey, I think I like girls, too...?"

    That moment of realization (and elation) when everything finally clicks into place...you suddenly see the world clearer, somehow.
     
  18. Elle993

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    The first time I said to myself “I must be gay” I was 24 and had an intense crazed teenager type crush on a girl but never told her or anyone else.. then met a guy and pushed those feelings away been with and married to that guy for 14 years now and a year ago these feeling started finding their way back to the forefront of my thoughts... can’t push them away any longer now.
     
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  19. Hawk

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    I started to figure out my orientation when I started questioning my gender, when I was around 19-ish. I was never exposed to LGBT people growing up, nor was it ever really talked about. Looking back I feel like I should have known sooner. Whenever I would talk to one of my friends I couldn't not look at her chest. Though, to be fair she was quite busty and wore a lot of low-cut tops. I would look at how my other friends would talk to her, and they would never look at her chest, and I was just thinking to myself "HOW"? I tried to force myself to like guys, or look at guys the way my friends did, but I think it was more of a platonic thing than anything, also I don't think any of the guys in my school were interested in me that way anyway.
     
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  20. emprincess

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    I started to understand I was asexual when I went to a women’s purity church event my conservative baptist parents insisted on when I was fourteen. They kept talking about getting married later on and abstaining from sexual temptation while dating until then, but I felt like I didn’t want to have sex in the back of my head and just wanted to date for romance and love. Of course not much later, I would also find out I liked girls romantically as well and not only guys as presented to me, although I feel that way about them too. I never talked about my feelings regarding dating or guys with my church peers or heteronormative folks because my feelings didn’t fit there definition of what all that is.