What was the final straw that made you decide to come out?

Well the one thing that spurred me on to tell my parents was getting a girlfriend but I do believe I would have come out to them even if I hadn't gotten into a relationship. When I first joined EC I could never imagine coming out to anyone but over time things changed. I think the best was to describe it is that eventually my desire to be out and open and honest outweighed my fear of coming out. I think there will always be a bit of fear. You shouldn't feel like you are forcing yourself to do it but at the same time I think I probably had to give myself a little nudge to go through with it.

 

Well for me my mom actually caught me on this site, and proceeded to politely harass me till I told her, I know I didn't help the situation either as I was being really secretive about it and just making her curiosity worse. At the time I was scared out of my mind worrying about how she would react, but she was really cool about it. Coming out to the rest of my family was actually really easy in comparison, as the ones that I was most worried about telling were my parents and they were super cool with it. They actually got me bi pride stuff for my birthday, after I only mentioned once (and that was me just talking to myself) that I would like some. So my advice would be that as long as you feel ok with it and you are pretty sure of their reaction Go For It! Good Luck!!!!

 

For my Mom, it was basically because, leading up to the day I came out to her, I acted almost like a completely different person and hardly spoke with her for that period of time (I normally have a great relationship with her). Because of how it felt like our relationship was quickly deteriorating, I decided to go ahead and come out to her because she had always told me she would support me no matter my sexuality and I wanted to keep the nice relationship we had.

 

For me, I just came to a point where I could lie about who I was anymore. It just became really uncomfortable. I had decided to come out at college first, but that blew up when I accidentally left my email logged in with the tab open and my mom saw the email. (Thankfully she was super supportive.)

So, for me I just got sick of feeling like I was lying about myself. I felt like I was unable to connect with others because I was not able to be truthful about who I am. I also was sick of all of the comments that I would get about how I needed to be more feminine, or about how I needed to find a boyfriend.

 

Hey peachy06,

What you are experiencing is very common among LGBTQ people. As we realize that we are 'different' from most others around us and as we struggle to understand and accept those differences, we pull back from those closest to us (usually family) and it changes our relationships with them. The good news is that most often, when we finally Come Out and our family is accepting, our relationships with then bounce back and usually become stronger than ever.

Coming Out, however, is a very personal decision. If/when you Come Out to your family - or anyone - is always up to you. You said that you are confident that your parents will be accepting. So, when you feel comfortable, your main decisions will be exactly how and when you wish to Come Out to them. Also, when Coming Out to parents, many LGBTQ people choose to just Come Out to one parents first rather than both at once. Most often, the one we Come Out to first is the parent of the opposite gender to ourselves. However, there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to Come Out. Only whatever works best for you.

I wish you all the best!

 

For me, the idea of remaining in the closet was no longer an option. The depression, anxiety and general frustration was beginning to take over my life and I reached a point where I decided to face it down. I knew there were certain risks in coming out, but there was also a risk to my health and wellbeing if I didn't. I'd moved out of the family home, so I had no fear of living in a hostile environment or ending up homeless, so the time had come - for me. As it happened, my worst fears were not realised and the overwhelming majority of people have been supportive.

 

There was no final straw. I came out as soon as I figured it out. I find it easier to deal with the bullshit and bad reactions earlier in life. If I waited, it would have set back my progression.

 

I've been conning out slowly and I some of my friends kept thinking I was gay so I posted on Facebook that I was bisexual with a preference for men. It was a on the spot decision

 

For me , there wasn't really a "final straw" so to speak. My sister just asked me one day- after she came out as bisexual actually-. Same with my parents, my dad just straight up asked me one day and I was happy to answer him. As supportive and accepting as I knew they would be and absolutely were, it was still a nerve wracking experience!

 

I came out to my friends because I was sick of pretending of being something I am not. I always liked girls, walked away from my first kiss with a guy cause I wanted it to be with a girl, so I kind knew for a while. I also needed my friends to be my support network and it is good to talk/joke with them about stupid things like dating.

 

Not so different to other replies here. I sort of gradually came out to friends as my life was pretty open with them. I came out as bi to my closest friends and then again later as lesbian and they all already knew. I had quite a few 'obviously' or 'took you long enough' responses. I never doubted that they'd be fine with it.

Family-wise though, it was a build up. I felt like I was being really distant with them. It was like the elephant in the room but only I could see it and it was awful. I'd get one of my family members on their own and be SO READY to tell them and then I'd just say something else instead. I tried hinting at it but of course nobody could read my mind. But then I started speaking to my now-girlfriend and figured that it was time. She didn't push me on it at all and in fact I'm confident she'd love me just as much if I wasn't out yet or for a while. I just had enough of the secrets and now I had a good reason to do it.

 

I came out shortly after I turned 25 after being closeted for 10 years. I was nowhere ready. Shortly after my 25th birthday and right before Christmas I had a severe mental and emotional breakdown. I ended up spending time in the mental health unit of my hospital for a few days because I was so unstable. I was very depressed and ridden with anxiety. I didnt want to come out to my family because they are older and very conservative. I feared rejection and abandonment. When I got out of the hospital I knew if I ever wanted to be happy they needed to know the truth. I told them just after New Years and they were surprisingly supportive and still loved me.

 

It felt like the pain from keeping it inside was greater than the pain from fearing how people would react. Like all of a sudden the dam just burst

 

To be honest I was in deep denial but then a peculiar set of circumstances occured. I was depressed and unhappy with my life after my divorce (yes, I was married for a few months!). I knew I had to take care of myself and go to the gym. It took me months to find the motivation to go to a gym. I chose one gym over the other (don't know why) and on the first day as I walked in, my eyes met that of another guy. there was something mischivous and playful in them and somehow I was fascinated. I still did not know why. Ieveryday i would look for him and he would stand nearby and look at me from a distance. after six months, one day I was unhappy as I had to go back home for final settlement of the divorce and this guy was waiting nearby. I deliberately ignored him becasue of my bad mood and as he walked away I got the feeling that he was sad and upset. I could feel it. I was very unhappy and began to feel restless. When i was away I kept thinking of him every minute and remembering all our encounters (we hadn't spoken yet). It was then that I realised this is love... and then began the process of understanding why I felt this way....
He was cute but very very shy.

 

To this day I cannot understand how I could feel his 'feelings' as he walked away (that he was sad and upset at my behaviour). No words spoken, no looks exchanged - just the feeling. A feeling so powerful that it turned my life upside down (for the better).
Sometimes you can get the feelings (vibe) from a person - without any words, looks - the power of emotions, I guess

 

My little brother saw my notebook had drawings of men kissing in it and showed my mom and then she wouldn't stop pestering me and I finally admitted it after a week. Than she told my stepdad

 

The final straw for me was thinking about what my life would be like in the future and realising that I really couldn't pretend to be someone I wasn't.

Coming out has been amazing because it's forced me to be more honest with myself and people around me. So in the main, I am much happier than I was.