I made a major mistake earlier today and said a comment which basically gave away that I am gay. Was talking to my sister and cousin about various political things, and the topic of HIV/AIDS came up. I said that I would be fine dating a HIV person provided that they use protection. That pretty much opens the closet door and I feel a bit uneasy now. What can I do?
That has nothing to do with being gay man. Women have HIV too so the protection comment could still be seen as you being straight anyway. Or it could have been speaking hypothetically. You don't need to do anything - if they ask you about it just either make up something up or tell them the truth.
Joe2001.....I agree with @Destin. Just because you made that comment doesn't necessarily mean that you are gay. HIV/Aids is not an exclusively "gay" disease! So if they ask, you can just say that you meant that you were not afraid of being infected just because you were dating a HIV positive person. HIV/Aids doesn't "jump" onto you just because you get near someone who is positive! .....David
Well... the "provided they use protection" part could certainly usher in questions, since if we're talking about vaginal/anal penetration, it's pretty much about using a condom. So depending on how carefully sister and cousin parse the statement, it could indeed raise questions. Unfortunately, there's nothing really to do. Attempts to try and reinforce that you're straight usually have the opposite effect. So I agree with Destin tnat simply not saying anything about it is probably the best choice.
To clarify - it was a condom that I was mentioning. It's going from bad to worse now. My dad wanted to come into my room to help me tidy it up and I freaked out so sent him away and said I had work to do. It's because I am hiding things about myself. To me, things are becoming progressively harder to hide.
As difficult as it is to hear, it may simply be time to be honest about who you are. Often, once the band-aid is ripped off, things get a whole lot better. OF course, you're the only one who knows your home situation and can make that judgment, but if keeping it hidden is tearing you up inside, which it sounds like it is, then it may be time to consider the alternative. How do you think your parents would react?
I completely agree with this. It probably will be easier at this point to just tell them. They may already know. What is the worst that could happen? If they would be fine with it I think it would be a good idea.
I felt this way not that long ago. I was crushing SUPER hard on a woman and it was killing me not to be able to feel like I could talk about her or even have anyone acknowledge that I could have feelings like that for a woman. It was making me feel upset, so I came out to my mom. She took it well.
I don't know if I personally feel ready. Said this before, but they are Catholic and my dad is a homophobe (not to mention that I feel as if he already doesn't accept me for me). And if they already know, then I don't get why they keep making comments about girls to me. I wish I was really obviously gay like Adam Rippon which would make coming out much easier.
Parents are weird man. Both of mine know and have even met my boyfriend and my mom still makes comments about girls and when I'm going to be dating a girl again to me on a weekly basis.
The interesting thing is... people can know something at an unconscious level, and that unconscious knowledge can impact how they say things. For example, if a parent feels a child is gay, s/he may unconsciously say homophobic things in the desperate hope that somehow saying them will dissuade the child from being gay. Note that this is unconscious behavior; later, when their kids come out, they often don't even remember saying these things. It also serves to shore up the wall of denial (remember that in processing the loss of perception as straight, there are stages, denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance). So I would not assume that they wouldn't be accepting. The catholic thing can definitely get in the way, but in my (unscientific) experience based on what I've seen here on EC, it seems that the parents that are problematic tend to be the ones who are really batshit crazy conservative Baptists or other evangelicals; your mileage may vary, but it seems that many Catholic families have been more accepting. Also, it is possible that your dad, in some way, senses that you might be gay, and that creates fear for him (including, fear that he has somehow failed.) You may find that once you come out, he will be more accepting. This doesn't mean they may both initially be totally unsupportive (remember that "anger" is the second stage of the stages of loss), but in most cases, parents do come around, and often, become a lot more supportive than they ever have been.
Chiming in as someone whose father comes from a Catholic family and who has a close friend who has very evangelical parents. There really is no contest. My dad's family are all very involved in their faith and they've always been accepting of gay people. My dad is one of the most live and let live people. In contrast, my friend's family is extremely close minded and interprets the Bible very literally. If anyone of my friend's siblings had come out as gay they would have been thrown out. So yeah, I agree with Chip that it's the hardcore Protestant sects that seem to be more volatile in their anger against gay people than Catholics, since all the ones I've met have either been supportive or just didn't care what other people did.
i think taking a minute to step back and re evaluate the conversation might be a good place to start. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, since HIV/AIDS involve all party in the situation, no matter how gay, straight, or any other orientation that it involves. Freaking out won't help anything except cause yourself to feel a bit more nervous enough as it is. Although it's important conversation to have, i don't think it should've gave you away as a gay man, it just means you are a bit more educated on the matter then others. they probably saw it that way, so having safer sex might put them at ease even though i gave out clues that i was gay when i was still closeted, my parents were still in denial about it, so they might not believe it until you say something about it
I was thinking this too. Your conversation was vague enough that they might have honestly missed it. You'd be surprised what goes over people's heads sometimes.
