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What Should I Do?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by NotRealMe, Jul 8, 2018.

  1. NotRealMe

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    So, a week ago I had a weird situtation. I've been camping with one of my best friends (he's 18 and I'm 17). Everything was going just fine until the night came. We started talking about sex stuff and he asked if I have ever had sex. I said that I was virgin. He asked me if I'd like to lose my virginity and I said maybe. We were only in our underwear and I felt that I was having an erection. I felt a bit strange. He said he needed to go to the toilet but when he came back, he noticed that I was hard. He started touching my legs and then went there... I was kind of scared, laying still and then he told me to relax. He took my thing then and...well...licked it. (it's really uncomfortable to talk about these things) I panicked, and said that I was not ready for it and told him that I didn't want to do this. He freaked out then... Gosh, it was really weird... A week passed since then and I haven't talked to him yet. He doesn't know that I'm gay. He has a girlfriend, so I don't know if he's gay or bi or everything what happened was just a thing of curiosity. So, should I talk to him about this whole situation or just pretend that nothing happened?
     
  2. Shorthaul

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    It is worth talking about if for no other reason to just get it over and done with. That way you both can put it behind you and go back to being friends.
     
  3. theamos13

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    Been there bro. He knew you were a virgin and should have not freaked out.
    I have had a few like this and after a bit of time we started talking a bit.
    No need to define his sexuality. It took me a long time for me to put a label on my own much less others.
    Shoot him a message and see where it goes if he doesn’t bring it up leave it go
     
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  4. smurf

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    You can definitely try that, but most guys in this situation will try to avoid really talking about it since it will bring other questions like is he gay? bi? and he probably doesn't even know the answer other than he knows he wanted to suck you off.

    The conversation depends on what you want to happen from here.
    Do you want to ignore it and just stay friends with him? Then just send him a message talking about something else entirely.
    Do you want to make sure he doesn't get sexual with you again? Let him know that you still want to be friends, you won't tell anyone, but that you also rather it not happen again.
    Do you want it to happen again when you are ready? Then tell him so.

    Sadly, because of a lot of internalized shame that he may have, he might not be able to have a conversation about it all and just brush it off as "lets not talk about it" pr "idk that weird that you are bringing it up". Just know its all a way for him to not have to confront whatever happened.

    Sorry to hear he made you uncomfortable, but I'm glad you were able to ask for what you needed. Go you for respecting yoru own boundaries and listening to your body.
     
  5. NotRealMe

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    Well, I want to stay friends with him, cause I've known him for a very long time. I also don't want it to happen again... But I'm afraid this friendship will never be the same, as I think every time I'll meet him we both will think about this...
    I'll probably send him a message and hope to figure it out together.
    Anyways, thank you so much for your support!!!!
    Your answers really mean a lot to me.
     
  6. Biguy45

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    It could change things. I had some sexual encounters with a friend when I was a teenager and we didn’t stay friends after. Of course, we didn’t talk about it either, I’m sure that makes a difference
     
  7. NotRealMe

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    I want to stay friends with him. If he doesn't want to, I'll be really sad, but I'll promise him not to tell anyone about this situation. I still wonder why he wanted to do anything sexual with me...
     
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  8. Biguy45

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    Then you will have to talk it over with him. I hope it works out for you. In my case, I think we were just so filled with shame over it that we just ignored it.
     
  9. Biguyjosh

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    If you want to stay friends then talk to him. Let him know that what happened doesn't change your friendship but it's not something you're comfortable with doing.
     
  10. NotRealMe

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    Yeah, well I still haven't talked to him yet, but as time passes, I'm more and more worried that he won't want to talk with me because...you know... he's that cool school guy who is always around girls and flirting with them. Today I met him in the shop and he saw me, then looked at me for a second and soon walked out. I think he's afraid that I'm going to tell someone. I messaged him and asked if we could meet and have a talk about something. He said he was very busy...
     
  11. Biguyjosh

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    He could think that or might be embarrassed or ashamed of what happened.
     
  12. Biguy45

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    I’m sure he is embarrassed It’s kind of a big risk to take. Especially without talking about it first
     
  13. tanana

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    If you really are friends, you should be able to sit down and talk about this, ask some questions, express your feelings towards him, and realize that it may have just been NORMAL guy/guy experimentation. No need to overreact , regardless of the outcome. Guys do stuff like this, with no intention of causing anyone alarm. I should add that straight guys, as well as gay guys do, more than most people are aware. I hope you can continue to enjoy his friendship, and he yours.
     
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  14. MzMrAlexa

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    Coming into your own sexuality is hard.. For both you and your Friend. If he's a close friend It would be best to sit down and talk about it and see if you can both overcome what happened as I'm sure your friend has just as much emotional overload on this as you do. If you don't then the most likely result is that you will lose your friendship because of the big white elephant in the room whenever you and your friend are around each other, and to be honest it's very likely that even if you and your friend can get over it your relationship will likely never quite be the same.

    That being said a good life rule or two regardless of what your sexuality is it to not become romantically / sexually involved with a friend if you value that friendship because with very few exceptions being sexually intimate with a friend will change that friendship and more often than not in a negative way. The way I look at it is that I have had several very long term good friends in my life and I'm 55, and the best friends are still there, even if separated by distance. In that same time I have had Seven long term intimate relationships including three marriages and I no longer share any friendship or contact with any of them.. Sex changes things. Now there are those that beat those odds, but that is very much the exception rather than the rule. And it goes without saying that once you are an adult and in the workplace Don't intimately mingle with your co-workers if you value your job either. I've seen a lot of people go down that path too and more often than not it ends badly and causes a lot of negativity in the work place.
     
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  15. NotRealMe

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    Thank you so much for your support!
    I've posted this more than a month ago and since then, sadly... we're not friends anymore.
     
  16. NotRealMe

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    Well, we're not friends anymore...
    Anyways, thank you for support!