What makes me feel ashamed of being Gay

Build your tribe.

Stop focusing on the people you don't like and build the community you want to see. Sounds cliche as fuck, but I have seen it work.

In Orlando, after the pulse massacre, some latinx people came together and decided to build a space for other latinx people to connect with. They have been going for a year and for the first time in Orlando history there is this amazing group that people can go to for support. It only started because 5 people had a need so they built it and people came.

Build on what you already pointed out. As gay men, we have had to learn how to communicate with each other in ways that straight men can only dream of. Use that. Create a group and people will come. Find the people who have your same needs.