What makes gender identity important to you?

I agree that gender roles are just made up things to an extent. I think they are fashioned for a slew of historical and sociological reasons and they work for some but shouldn’t be the assumed rule of thumb.

I have always felt more masculine- “Tom boy” I guess you could say. Until I reached first grade, I played almost exclusively with boys. I loved dinosaurs, matchbox cars, and legos. I hit a boy in the face once and made his nose bleed for telling me I couldn’t play with his toy cars because they were a boy toy. I had my one female friend in Kindergarten but that was it. Even so, I still hung out with guys more often than girls into elementary school. I used to love dress up days when I could dress like a boy. I rode motor cycles in high school, weight lifting was my favorite way to stay in shape and still is, and I cut my hair so short I could spike it. I have always loved men though. Truthfully, now that I am older I realize I also do like women but they scare the crap out of me. As one of my husband’s favorite comedians says, “boys will break your stuff but girls will break your soul.” Same applies in the realm of dating and friendship. I have had my heart trampled on by girls, especially the middle school caddy kind I hate dresses, always have, always will. I tried being “girlie” for a few years in my twenties and I hate most pictures of me. I look sickly thin, with long hair and a dress and weird sparkly earrings. So not me! Now I’m back into CrossFit and building muscle and keeping my hair short because that’s the real me. Unapologetic. It makes me feel grounded and competent. And my husband doesn’t care if I look and act all femmy or not. And he’d better not. He knew what this was going into it. I scored a winner.

 

I relate to this somewhat. I'm AMAB, and I always get anxious thinking about if my feelings on my gender are too shaped by society's ideas of gender. I'm a feminine presenting man, but that still somehow feels wrong. Sometimes I'd just rather be seen as a woman. But I wonder if that's just because it's probably easier to be either male or female than have to explain to everyone what being nonbinary or nonconforming means.

I always end up coming back to this: Of course my feelings of gender are influenced heavily by society's ideas of gender, because I was raised with the idea of two genders and the idea of gender roles. Having ingrained behaviors based on what I was taught isn't my fault, and I shouldn't beat myself up over it.

 

Well, I pay attention to gender like I would to an ill fitted pair of shoes. It’s a source of problems and discomfort.

As for the society, it can get on your nerve, obviously, no matter how stupid the claims they make are, because unless you’re a hermit living deep inside a forest, you have to deal with people everyday.