What is Psychological Abuse of a Child?

I can tick pretty much every one of those off this list and in a weird way I do all those things to myself now.

 

Good article.

I don't find this weird. When you've been exposed to violence psychical and/or emotional it becomes a habit to be the same to yourself. This comes from my personal experience, the mind can keep all these negative things, magnify them and repeat them over and over. It becomes an enemy, but the process can be reversed.

 

Note that this is not from a professional's point of view, it comes from my own experience.

For me, it began by having the will to stop the vicious circle of victimization. I had noticed how horribly I thought of myself and decided to change that. It began by just noticing when these thoughts came.

Strangely, this had an impact on them. The more I paid attention without judging them, the less they affected me.

In time, this made the habit weaker. It helped me feel better too.

 

Brainwashed, you have to learn to forgive yourself, I have been dealing with the same thing all summer. Mad at myself for not being smart enough to stand up for myself as a child/teenager. My dad, your mom cannot control us anymore, they are gone. We need to slowly unlearn things that were taught us, things that were out of our control. Its going to take time but I believe it can be done so we can say that we were better people than they were. Remember, they may have learned from their parents so it is up to us to break the cycle.

Dean

 

@brainwashed : Kids who are hurt, victimised or otherwise abused develop a pattern of behaviour towards self preservation and protection that becomes deeply embedded into their psyche and stays with them. Unless something or someone shines a light on it, the learned behaviour will continue into adulthood and just become habitual, affecting all of our relationships as we seek to protect the child we used to be. Change begins through awareness and a recognition that we are no longer that child. Once we know what's going on and why it's happening, we can't choose to ignore it anymore and as an adult we should seek to place ourselves on an equal footing with other adults and healthily assert our right to be respected and valued. We all deserve no less.

 

I finally got my old B john Deere to run and got to drive it a couple of blocks. I need to replace the manifold gasket and strip it down to get it ready for sandblasting and painting. I also repainted and installed a new laminate floor in the bedroom. The bathroom got stripped to the stud walls and currently has new sheetrock. It will be getting new tile and a new floor also. I ran a gas line to the kitchen for a new stove to get rid of the old crappy electric unit I currently have. So I totally get having to keep busy to feel good.

Also I got a part time job at a local truck stop off of interstate 90. It's going OK.

Hope you feel better.
Your friend Dean

 

Unfortunately, my school experience wasn't always easy. As I got older I began to become more self-aware of my emotional issues, and I've gradually worked through them. My main anxiety manifested itself as a fear of authority. I used to worry that if I got an answer wrong I might cause my teachers to start yelling and then proceed to have a breakdown.

This is because I blamed myself for what happened with my school counsellor (she had a breakdown and blamed me, called me stupid, worthless, and implied that I didn't have a future). I believed her at the time. "This is what you do, you ruin things you stupid child, it's only a matter of time before you mess up again and ruin it for everyone" is how I used to talk to myself.

Overtime I managed to pinpoint the parts of my life where my low self esteem and self hatred was coming from, and that helped me to confront these feelings and begin to work through them. I found that physically revisiting some of the places where I had been bullied has helped me to move on, I went back to an arcade and made some more positive memories there and although that won't undo what happened, at least my feelings have become more neutral about that place. Just going there and playing games has helped me put things into perspective, it's helped my mind to take in the fact that it's over now...there's no longer a threat. I'm not the child I was.

Now, I wouldn't say that I've completely moved on, since some of my existing phobias (specifically the severity of my claustrophobia, due to experiences with bullying) remain. Sometimes I get anxious and depressed, or on occasion I get oddly defensive if someone questions my intelligence. I like to use dark and self-deprecating humour when discussing past events with friends...I find it helps. There are days where I take teasing and insults well, but other times if I'm in a more depressive state then not so much.

 

Thinking about it, I still have to forgive him too. Sitting with him in the hospital room after we found out the cancer had spread, I told him his little boy took everything he said to heart. He put his head down and said "I know." I stayed silent.

In the end, having not spoke for almost two days, sitting beside him, I told him I would not leave him. He half sat up and said "WHY," I replied "because I'm your son." The last time we spoke.

I just feel, some days like I was a fool all those years. How with a little encouragement I could have been so much more.

 

Thanks, I too shall be more mindful of negative thoughts about myself.