what is it like for a lesbian to have sex with a man?

I think you got a lot of good insight on your last thread. It's just not true that a woman has to be absolutely repulsed by having sex with a man to be a lesbian. For a lot of lesbians, it's just kind of bland. At least that's how I would describe my overall experience with men.

Sometimes when I'd be having sex with a man, I would suddenly become hyper aware of the fact that a man's penis was inside me and giving him pleasure, and I would feel a bit anxious and I'd have to find a way to mentally check out at that point. I wouldn't say I'm "penis repulsed" it's just that a man putting his penis in me during sex made me feel uncomfortable. But having sex with men wasn't always that unfortunate. There were times, especially when I was new to sex, where the act of doing what I was doing with someone else for the first time was pretty exciting. But it was the act of doing it, not the man, that turned me on. I can also say that I got some pleasure out of sex with men from time to time, again, not because of the man, but because friction feels good lol. Usually it was when I was on top and basically using him as a human sex toy that I felt the best.

Sometimes I would think about women, but I wasn't exactly aware that that's what I was doing. I'd think about another random woman being in my place, while he continued to have sex with her, and I'd be on the outside looking in and focusing on her. I thought a lot about what he wanted to see during sex, and not so much on what I wanted to see. I think that's really common among women, to focus so much on pleasing the man they're with that they forget to take care of their own pleasure. I will say that there was one time where I was having sex with this guy, and I found my hands running up and down the side of his body, but it felt like they were looking for something. I was searching for something that he didn't have, and I realized that deep in my subconscious, I was thinking about women, and my hands were looking for curves on his body that he didn't have.

Anyway, long story short, a lot of lesbian/gay identifying people have had heterosexual intercourse at some point, and some of the time they may have enjoyed it, due to the friction, or just the idea of having sex with someone. Some of the time, hetero sex may have been just boring, and some of the time, they may have been completely disgusted by it. None of those experiences have to define how a person navigates their sexuality in the present moment though. Sexuality is already difficult to define, but even more so when there are societal forces that pressure us into conforming, and convince us to find anything pleasurable in heterosexuality. That's why the whole "gold star" rhetoric is such bullshit, because lots of lesbians have tried so hard to "fit in" before truly coming into their identities.

 

I would say that I didn't care how the guy felt about it or care if he called me after.

Sex ed was always based around the idea that everyone wants to have sex but shouldn't do it. Or if you didn't want to have sex you just "weren't ready" which I think is dumb. I wish they would have talked about how to say no to having sex when you don't really want to - not because you "aren't ready" but because you legit just don't have any desire to do anything with that person.

So, because of the lack of how to say no, I had a decent amount of man sex that I didn't really want. The first time I had sex with a man I already knew I loved women but I was sheltered and didn't know there were other women like me so I just figured I would get it over with and have man sex because that was the "normal" thing to do.

Contrast that to the first time I had sex with a woman... I absolutely cared about every nanosecond of what was happening and what she was thinking. My life made complete sense the second she kissed me- the hot wheels cars I had as a kid, wearing baggy shorts, etc. So yeah, idk it was pretty obvious for me.

 

I just remember being very shy about the whole thing and not wanting to initiate it. I did it because that's kinda what was expected, not that the guy was pushy or anything; quite the contrary. I remember wanting it to be over and thinking "this is what everyone is talking about?" Last time I had sex with a man, I told myself I never wanted to do that again. And I don't plan on it.

 

So, does your body sort of know what to do with women or is it muscle memory or...?

 

ALL this. I remember it being very mechanical and doing things cause I was supposed to, not out of desire.

 

I echo the others about the novelty aspect of having sex for the first time that was the only exciting part. I got PTSD after having sex with a man for the first time in my life but never really connected the dots for many years afterward. I thought it was because I felt like he betrayed me for sleeping with me while I was so out of it under marijuana influence. I also agree about the friction thing.. it's nice, so I thought I was bisexual because of that. The more years rolled by, and the older I get, and the more apparently obvious it was that I was truly ever desiring contact with the same sex though.. was when sex with men got more and more boring, and duller, until it became nightmarish and nauseating. The only way I can make sex with a man exciting was:

1. Think about other women, which is easily the most satisfying thing to do.
2. Focus on him 100% rather than on me.
3. Objectify myself, sometimes taken to the extreme of letting a man get violent with me.. since it was dull otherwise, honey, make it hurt instead so I can feel something, anything!
4. Pretend I was a man as another way to mentally divorce myself from what was happening in reality. I seriously thought this was normal.
5. Just lay there and let him do what he has to do, fake a you-know-what, then let him roll off of me after he's done to either sleep it off or give myself a you-know-what.