How can someone learn to cope that they’re never going to be able to come out? I’ve posted other threads about my circumstances, so I won’t go into them again. But I’m slowly coming round to the realisation that nothing is ever going to change. I will never have a relationship. I will never get to tell someone I love them. I am destined for a life of loneliness. It’s frustrating as I’ve never had an issue accepting I’m gay. I’ve never pretended otherwise and would quite happily tell anyone if asked. I’ve had guys who have wanted to date me, which reading others peoples threads, I realise I’m incredibly lucky I’ve been in that position. But I can’t date anyone, because I can’t come out. How do I deal with this? Like I said, I’m not going to go into the reasons again. That’s not what I want advice about. I want to know how I can cope in my circumstances, and switch off that desire/hope of something more.
1) My advice would be to place all the love that you wanted to give to somebody else into something useful such as charity, family, friends, education, etc. This means that the energy/passion/ and love that you would've placed into a relationship is being placed into projects. These projects can be charitable, family/friend related, education (getting a degree), etc. It is the best way to move your attention from romance/sexuality to something productive. This is what I do. 2) I understand that you might see it as impossible to come out. I as well don't think I will ever come out because my family is very conservative and have made it clear where they stand on homosexuality. I really don't want to lose them. I also understand the idea of not being able to date. As a devout Christian with a lot of internalized homophobia, I can't bring myself to date a woman because I feel like that would make me a sinner. Nevertheless, this life is pretty sad and lonely. For whatever reason you feel you can't date or come out (married with kids to opposite sex, disability, financial issues, religion, etc) I will dare to ask you to re-consider. It is a rough life that is not made for everybody. I wish you the very best. I hope my advice was somewhat helpful.
It would be helpful to have at least a hint of why you can't come out, or a link to your other threads. As I see it, it's not about whether or not you can come out. It's how to make it happen. In terms of coping, you have to find another outlet for satisfaction in life.
What if you can't come out? Then look for expression where ever you can find it; meditate and connect with all parts of your soul; listen to music that resonates with you, connect with your community and do good. Post here on Empty Closets whenever you can to share your journey and encourage others who will benefit from your understanding. My warmest wishes go out to you. Please know that you are not alone.
