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What else should I look for if I am gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Dannytheshining, Sep 4, 2021.

  1. Dannytheshining

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    I agree that I would be happier sexually with a guy. That sentence I love. What else should a person be looking for to see if they are gay because you cannot just have sex all the time. I do picture going to restaurants, movies and other things, but is there more to look for?
     
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  2. Lemony

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    Are you sexually/romantic attracted to women at all?
     
    #2 Lemony, Sep 4, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2021
  3. QuietPeace

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    The fact that you would be more happy having sex with a man means that at least you are bisexual, if you are not interested at all in women sexually (which I remember you saying) then that would mean that you are gay.

    All of the things that everyone says make a good relationship, communication, spending time together, compatible hobbies (or at least the ability to let the other person pursue theirs) - can you imagine doing all of that with a guy? If so then go ahead and try dating a guy.
     
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  4. Dannytheshining

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    I do feel I wish I was born a woman so I could take that place. I would love a role reversal for a day at least.
     
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  5. QuietPeace

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    If you think that you would be happier living as a woman then you can transition.

    If you think that only a woman can be in a relationship with a man then you need to rethink how human relationships work.
     
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  6. Lemony

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    Agree.
     
  7. Dannytheshining

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    I agree. I would not want to transition though. I do need to figure out what I want. I agree woth the adage of the grass is always greener on the other side, but what side would make me happy. I fantasize all day about the sexual aspects of being with a guy and more and more about dating life.
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    Gay men are just as diverse as the wider population in terms of our personalities, hobbies, interests, social and ethical values. The only thing we really have in common is our sexuality, and even then we express our sexuality in different ways. We don't all fit the stereotype of being sex obsessed and contrary to what some people believe, were not always into anal penetration, as either the top or bottom. While many gay men do enjoy anal intercourse there is a significant minority who don't express their sexuality in that way at all. So when it comes to relationships with other guys there is a lot to explore and a lot to enjoy, both sexually and emotionally.

    If you are interested in dating a guy it's really a case of finding out more about each other to see if you are compatible. Sex will come into it at some point, because you need to be compatible in that regard, but you should also look at how you might spend social time together and communicate with each other. Do your personalities come together well? Do you share a sense of humour or set of values? Learn something about each others interests, hopes, dreams and aspirations because this will determine whether you have more to base a relationship on than sex. In actual fact, the sex will be better if you have more in common.

    Going to movies, restaurants, shows, games, days away or shared vacations are all things you should want to do together in order to connect emotionally.
     
  9. Dannytheshining

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    I kept processing PatrickUK's message yesterday. I do accept that I would find it fun to go out witth a guy, explore the city, get something to eat, and whatever at the end of the night. I have really like the idea of being woth a guy, but I feel I keep pushing the thoughts down and when they come back it is more intense.
     
  10. PatrickUK

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    Well, the basis of a decent relationship is friendship and many of the things we have talked about in this thread you would do with a friend, without any care or concern. So, the only thing that really makes it different is sex and sexuality.

    If you are repressing these ideas, you are most likely dealing with some shame related issues, because if you take sex and sexuality out of it you are really only spending social time with another guy. It's the idea that you may end up in bed with the other guy that's really causing the problem.

    Where do you think that's coming from?
     
  11. Dannytheshining

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    My mom super strict growing up. She often talks without thinking what she is saying. Also married with a second kid on the way. I am not going to leave my kids.
     
  12. QuietPeace

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    Divorce does not necessitate abandoning children. In fact having two separate but happy parents can be far better for them than living with two parents miserably together pretending they are something that they are not. Both of you could find partners that are a far better fit and two happy families for the children is much better than one unhappy one. (I stayed in a wrong fit marriage and it was bad for everyone involved)
     
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  13. Dannytheshining

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    The thing that pulls me back into thinking I am gay is fantasizing a guy is there during sex. I even got aroused grabbing a carrot. It was off woth the carrot, but also hot.
     
  14. QuietPeace

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    Finding nonsexual objects sexually exciting is a fetish and has nothing to do with sexuality.

    Returning to the subject of your original post.
    Pulls you back into what? From what you have said there is no question about it, you are attracted to men.
     
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  15. Dannytheshining

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    I keep pushing away from thinking I am gay, but then have a pull back. Somehow I cannot make the leap.
     
  16. EC User72

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    You don't have to be gay to be sexually active with men. Straight men have engaged in same-sex behaviors since the dawn of man. You may enjoy felatio or sexual penetration. You can play with another guys member and have a guy play with yours, mutual masturbation, enjoy frottage, and still be straight. Who do you fall in love with? Women, men, both, neither? You have your entire life to explore your sexual identity. And it can change over time. You're now an adult. The only person who can put limitations on your sexuality is yourself.
     
  17. mobius5

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    While I'm no expert on anything I'm not so certain about this. I myself have never had fetishes with objects (unless I misunderstand the term fetish?). Once a little while ago; a couple months after discovering my own bisexuality I was eating apple sauce and when I put the spoon in my mouth at one point I had a sensation/feeling I've never had before so it's difficult to describe, but it was erotic. But it was only a fleeting feeling; I hasn't happened again since then and I have no fetish with spoons. Nothing like this ever happened before I realized I was bi. I think it just reminded me of some perhaps deeply suppressed potential.
     
  18. Chip

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    The statement that finding sexual arousal from nonsexual objects is inherently non-sexual isn't accurate. Some folks, while in the stages of understanding themselves, see objects as stand-ins for the real thing (a carrot for a penis, for example). That's not a fetish; it's sort of unconsciously feeling a connection to something that reminds you of something arousing. So yes, I vote for deeply suppressed potential. :slight_smile:
     
  19. Sadness

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    This is interesting. I remember when i was 12, after i masturbated with a finger in my anus out of curiosity, i had a pillow and for some reason i used that pillow to touch my butt and i felt arousal. For some years i thought i was a weirdo.

    I didnt think it was a penis tho, not that i remember lol
     
    #19 Sadness, Oct 12, 2021
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2021
  20. mobius5

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    never thought I would say this but... I can't bring myself to put a finger in my anus... its so dirty. Even if I'm a clean person, and just showered... its still my butthole for crying out loud. Is this odd for thinking this way??
    Sorry if I'm derailing this thread btw, but this isn't exactly conversation I can bring up casually at work or around the dinner table.