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What does it mean to "know" you're gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Leah061, Jun 20, 2018.

  1. Leah061

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    I know everyone gets asked the "when did you know" question a lot, but I was thinking about when I "knew" and I realized I don't really know how to answer that. I only recently figured out I was gay, but there were a million things that have happened through the years which made me aware of the fact that I may not be straight.

    So I'm just wondering what other people consider "knowing" to be. Was it the first time you knew you had a crush on someone of the same gender? Was it when you finally started calling yourself whatever label you use now? Or was it when you knew that you seemed different from everyone else, despite not knowing what it was that made you feel that way?
     
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  2. Caraldo

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    Wow, that really is a tough one. In hindsight I can say I've known for a long time, but my acknowledgement of such was a long time, gradual process. And actual acceptance is actually something that is a daily process at this point. I see so many things in hindsight. As young as 4, I knew I wasn't a girl, but sometimes I wanted to be, and other times I was all about being as boy. Up to adolescence I would find myself obsessed with certain boys . I was crushed as puberty set in as all my sex fantasy and dreams were of other boys. The few sexual adventures in my teens were mostly gay, and honestly wonderful. I professed heterosexuality publicly but told myself I was bisexual. But 15 years ago I said to my wife "Im gay", meant it but made no changes. 2 years ago I couldn't fake it anymore . So for me no real easy answer. I've really always known, but didn't really know?
     
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  3. angeluscrzy

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    For me, I fooled around a lot with a friend when I was around 9. I knew I liked it, but also had surmised that being gay was not something enviable. So I never really explored my actual feelings towards guys.
    When I was 16, I had my first real emotional attraction towards a guy. However when I told him, I was only days away from moving, and he was straight anyway so nothing would become of it.
    When I was 18 I had posters of Brad Pitt all over my wall. Legends of the Fall just made me fall in love with him.
    All these different times, I think I pretty much "knew" I was gay, but never found myself able to be bold enough and truly be "out".
    I just couldn't accept it then.
    Now after an ex wife, a 15yr ltr (ended 3 yrs ago) and 3 kids, I just accept it is what it is.
     
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  4. I'm gay

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    I knew I was gay by the time I was 12 or 13. Shame, fear, guilt, self-loathing, and other emotions caused me to live in denial for decades until I finally accepted myself at age 45. That's when I was finally able to admit to myself that I am gay. But really it just brought what I already "knew" to be true to being at peace with that fact. So, for me, I think that when we become aware of our same-sex attractions, despite a lack of self-acceptance, is when we "know" about them.
     
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  5. Himo

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    I am 30. and the first time in my life, i question my sexuality... everything was normal, since i slowly lost my ability to perform with my girlfriend. In other words, since 3 years, i have a hard (haha) time to get an errection only by seeing/thinking about women. I look way back now and beginn to see, what i never saw before. I missed some signs... i am still not shure if i am gay... and i am 30.

    And it confuses me a lot. It is very hard to deal with...
     
  6. Loves books

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    It wasn't the first time I had a crush but it was the first and only time I ever had a crush this big. I was crushing hard and thought Oh Shit I'm gay.
     
  7. Leah061

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    Do you mean you had other crushes before on members of the opposite sex?
     
  8. normalwolverine

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    To me, "knowing" is the exact moment you can't deny or question it anymore to yourself. And that can be hard to pinpoint, too. If I had that moment, it was so many years ago--probably a decade ago--that I couldn't answer that question, either. It's funny, because if you watch lesbian-themed movies, you usually see a woman have that exact moment, and it's made to seem like a big deal. And with shows/movies where guys come out, it's kind of like that's presented as their exact moment and, obviously, a big deal. The fact that I can't even remember it and tell a story about it tells me it was not that big. And that's probably because, like you said, there were years and years of experiences and whatnot leading up to it, so it wasn't like the exact moment ended up being a surprise or some big revelation or out of the blue. I do think a big thing for me, though, was starting to refer to myself as a lesbian. It finally marked acceptance. I just can't remember anything about the first time I did that.
     
    #8 normalwolverine, Jun 23, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2018
  9. Homoie

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    A lot of people have realized with a crush but personally I didn't have a crush until I was 11 and it was a little boy. Plus I didn't really like him like that, considering I kicked him to the curb because he was rude to my friends lol. But that is besides the point. I knew I was gay at like age 5? 7? around there when I started to day dream about kissing girls. I did not know why I liked the thought or why I was thinking it, all I knew was that wasn't "normal." So I hid the thoughts away until middle school. This was around the time I was really into YouTube and I found a lot of gays. I was obsessed with gay people, only to find out I am a gay people. I first identified as pan then realizing that doesn't feel right, so I started to identify as lesbian. There was a time when I very shortly identified as homoflexible afterwards but that was because I was experimenting with a dude and I didn't like it so... still gay.
     
  10. blogger100

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    When I was around 5-6 I remember not crushing over this neighbour who was a couple years older, but I remember finding very cute and would even imagine cuddling with him (nothing sexual). Also I couldn't remember feeling anything for girls.
     
  11. JaimeGaye

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    While I knew I was different from other boys at a very early age it wasn't until puberty kicked in and I realized most of my friends were females whom I had no sexual interest in, I just enjoyed sharing time with them, and I was also friends with but a very few males and the ones who I was friends with could have me sexually.
    For me, that was my moment of Zen.