What does dysphoria feel like?

^this.

 

^ That x2

 

Damn Gates - you weave words better than lots of writers I know.

 

But you're one step closer to what you want!

 

Admittedly I'm not very far along my transition at all but I think I am starting to get an idea of how this thing goes.

There will be extreme highs and lows. Each stage of the transition is a little victory worth celebrating, one step closer to that elusive goal. Something as simple as wearing an item of clothing can lift your spirits for an entire day. But just when you think things are looking up, dysphoria catches you off guard and once again you're at your lowest, only this time it's even lower than before and you don't know if you'll make it out the other side. You're just clinging on to life, hoping that this feeling will pass and it does. It always will and that's how I know it is worth hanging on.

Kasey, you are at a low point right now but things will get better. Stay strong (*hug*)

 

Took a lot out, huh? *force feeds Kasey 10 lbs. of tacos and dark chocolate* Running on full again, yet?

And I'm so happy for you. (*hug*)

 

Where is it?

 

Its in the coming out stores section in coming out advice. Don't worry Kasey i'm with you all the way! (*hug*)

 

(*hug*)

 

Hi hope you don't mind me adding in!

I'm still working though all my feelings, and this community has been really helpful with that, so I'll give a description of my experiences a shot:

Social:
I literally made up a persona when I was ten so that I could be a "normal girl" and remade it when I was sixteen. So very strong feelings of living a lie. I spent hours practicing walking and female mannerism in the mirror to try and be more feminine. Perhaps because I am a performer and all my coworkers regardless of gender do their hair and wear makeup, that doesn't normally bother me, but sometimes it feels like I'm cross dressing.

What makes me upset is how people look at and interact with me. It isn't so much the pronouns, but when the guy at the cash register winks at me or someone compliments my physical appearance. I feel a lot of guilt at those times because I can't see myself that way and it feels disgusting having people look at me like a girl. I also feel very much like an outsider because the way people look at and therefor treat me is wrong. Physical intimacy is someplace I can't bring myself to go and places like bathrooms and locker rooms are very unpleasant.

Physical:
I can definitely relate to feeling like I'm at war with my body. Thankfully, I have an unusually small chest, so that doesn't bug me too much, but the bottom has been an issue for me. Until recently I didn't have much information to understand why I felt the way I did, but I used to have this recurring dream as a kid that I was Ash (from Pokemon) and my guy parts had been either cut off or stolen.

In middle and high school I used to strain my voice trying to force it to sing lower than it could, and while I've broken it like a horse for singing, I have times now days where I don't recognize it as mine conversationally. I say something and go "who was that? Oh, it's me." There are other things, but I have to go and that's some of it.

 

Aw, this thread is so full of sadness! :icon_sad: Hugs for everyone! (*hug*)

 

Awww... Some of you youngest teens are *almost* young enough to be my kids. I wanna adopt you all!!! *digital ponies and robots for all!!*

 

I'm going to be honest, I can't exactly answer this question very well. I haven't had dysphoria often. It's usually just annoyance at wrong pronouns(not out yet, but still annoying) But there's still the rare extreme dysphoria where I just feel like crap and would much rather just transition immediately. Unfortunately, the current circumstances prevent that.

 

I'm so thankful that I don't have a ton of body dysphoria (at this point in time, at least). Most of the time I just don't even think about my body- I jab myself in the "extended chest" a lot because I forget it's there, kind of awkward. But when I look in the mirror it's like I'm seeing someone else, and having girly parts feels a little gross and unnatural.

I do get social dysphoria, though. It's almost like in most situations I can't be myself, still presenting as a girl, but it's kind of hard to explain and I'm not entirely clear on it yet. I don't like being referred to as a girl, wish I could relate to people as a guy, and when anyone talks about my body, (even if someone calls me pretty), it can make me feel really uncomfortable.

Oh, and btw, hugs for everyone (whether you want them or not.) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)

 

X10000

I needed to read that right now. Stuck in my own low and needed the confidence boost. Thank you Gates.(*hug*)

Reading this thread makes me feel better, its given me something that I haven't had, the knowledge that i'm not alone. I'm not the only one going through this and we can all overcome it together. We may not know why we weren't born our true genders, but I believe we can still be happy. If this is our big test in life then I say bring it on.

 

I hope it went ok!!!!(*hug*)