What does dysphoria feel like for you?

I read that you can make a binder using a pair of old tights.

 

My dysphoria comes from how masculine my body looks. I used to be into bodybuilding and fitness when I was trying to conform to society's standards of what an AMAB should look like. It has come back to bite me now because everyone I meet for the first time assumes that I've been in the military, mostly because of my build. I also get pretty dysphoric when my body responds to exercise(my member gets excited sexually) in a way that I hate with a passion.

My other comes from my extremely far gone male pattern baldness. I'm probably lyrics about a vortex 5.

All that being said I've found ways to mitigate or reverse these things natural and I'm seeing slow but steady progress.

 

My dysphoria comes from the softness of my features. It feels like I'm drowning and suffocating because I'll never look the way I want. When I look in the mirror or see someone with strong features it... It's awful. I want to cry out just.... Ugh.

 

I don't even really experience dysphoria anymore. I guess it would be when my looks become very feminine and seeing my breasts. I don't really care that much anymore when people refer to me as "female". Usually. Sometimes, it really irks me.

 

That's exactly how I feel now sorta. My dysphoria doesn't really hit me anymore like it used to. I still get really irk'd when someone says crap like "you probably don't understand cause you're a guy" or when I'm asked to do something just because I'm AMAB, usually has to do with lifting things.

 

I'm the exact opposite. I hate it when people assume that because I'm a girl, that I can't do certain things. For example, at my Cross Country meet, I offered to carry the cooler full of water (which I was perfectly capable of carrying, since I work out every day and can lift 70lbs over my body weight), but as I began to carry it, two guys stepped in and took it from me. I was really pissed.

 

For me, it's my height, giant feet that can't find any cute shoes that fit, and catching glimpses of what I have between my legs. Sure, I wish I had a bust, but that's not that big of a deal. And it definitely feels much better beingreffered to as ma'am than sir. Oh, and it also sucks that I get left out of conversations at work because I'm not out there and so they see me as a guy.

 

Triggers are physical and social.

I hate my height, softness, curves, and fat. I'm not really fat, as I work out, I'm talking about the natural fat that women have on the hips, boobs, thighs, arms, face, pretty much everywhere. I hate how my hips stick out so much more than my waist and how they always bump into things because they're bulky and in the way. I hate my voice because even though it's lower than the girls, it's still a girl's voice. I hate my hair, it's long and down to my waist. I don't want to cut it until I've had some sessions with my therapist and know for sure that I want to transition.

 

Ugh, it's a mess for me anyways.
I don't look good in any of my favorite clothes, can't wear swimsuits, and I want to cry every time I take a shower. it also really bothers me when people know I'm trans, but still call me "he" anyway. It's fairly obvious, with my long hair and the way I dress. I think it hurts self esteem more than anything.

Having to shave twice as much as the other girls isn't fun either.

 

1.) I 110% get you on the shoes.
2.) And not being out at work sucks too... i know this all too well.

 

Sigh. I really wish I could pass as a guy.

 

I'd trade with you if I could.

 

Yeah, the attached picture is about as masculine as I can get myself to look within a reasonable time frame. My hair is pretty long because it grows really fast and my mom got tired of taking me to get it cut every 2 weeks. I'm wearing a sports bra, the binder that I made using an old pair of tights, and a tank top underneath the polo shirt, but my breasts still kind of show.

 

Young, but in a crowd I'd peg you for a young male hockey player.

 

Falling to pieces crying myself to sleep every night because of the longing and pains in my chest, wanting to kill myself every time someone non-trans* calls me "guy in a dress" "wanting to be a woman "trying to appropriate women's struggles".

Not being able to have sex because it doesn't feel right no matter how hard I try. Self hatred and forcing myself to identity and accept being a man.

 

Self hatred and internalized transphobia is what kept me from accepting myself for so long.

 

Hating my own name, feeling uncomfortable when I see it written down, hating looking at my face in the mirror, hiding that thing from my view, hating my own inability to express my femininity, having people treat me as if I'm not a girl.

It's the not the most extreme dysphoria though