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What does attraction feels like?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Sadness, Mar 13, 2021.

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  1. Sadness

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    Hey people

    I searched on google to see what people do and what they feel when they are attracted to someone, and i saw a website saying that men usually graze your skin when talking to someone when they are attracted. And everytime i see a men on the internet that are pretty makes me feel something inside me, like a deep feeling in my chest, and i start to wonder if i am attracted to this guys that i see on internet, i kind get nervous and a little anxious and feel this deep feeling inside my chest, i feel hype aware too i think, and i graze my skin a lot when this happens, i usually thought it was because i was trying to pay attention to other thing, to see if my anxiety fades, but now im wondering if it is because i do indeed feel attracted to those guys.

    And i dont know what do people feel when they are attracted, i rely on my arousals, but i dont know if its only this and now i am wondering that maybe i do like guys? How to know that?

    What does attraction feel to you guys? Maybe i like guys but cant get aroused by them? I dont know, i cant even look in the eyes of men on the street nowadays because i feel this deep feeling in my chest, how to know if i am attracted to someone?
     
    #1 Sadness, Mar 13, 2021
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2021
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  2. Patrick7269

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    Those sound like possible attraction to me, yes. That swelling in the chest and bit of nervousness around an attractive guy are pretty normal for me, and for that reason I know that I am gay. *lol* In fact, those reactions were probably the first clues for me when I was about 10.

    But I also know that sexuality can be expressed in many ways, and there are varying levels and types of attraction. For example, I can identify a beautiful woman and even appreciate her beauty, but I do not long for her. For me, that ability to see beauty in women is aesthetic and not sexual, and so I still put myself in the “gay” category.

    When I fantasize about sex, and sometimes when I look at porn, it is with heterosexual sex. I have also puzzled about this, wondering if that could mean that I am bi. Well in my case the fantasy and/or attention is for the male in the scenario, so I still do not see this as a departure from being gay.

    To me, what makes me gay is that I long to be with and connect with masculine energy. I see beauty in men for their individuality and their masculinity, and that is very hard to put into words. I don’t have a “type” either; I have been attracted to all sorts of men. But to your point, that attraction can often manifest as a swelling in the chest and a nervousness. The swelling in the chest and the nervousness is not explicitly sexual for me, it is more a response to their overall way of being. Of course I may also experience the usual genital response, but that is usually after the initial reaction of visual and emotional attraction.

    When you masturbate (without porn) what do you naturally gravitate toward for your fantasy? When you fantasize about a romantic relationship, what kind of relationship do you fantasize about? Those are also somewhat indicative of orientation too.

    When you feel that swelling in your chest and that nervous energy, do you feel a longing to be with that person? Do you feel a desire to be close to them? Do you feel a desire to touch them?

    I’m without my morning caffeine, so apologies if this was rambling. Hope it helps!

    Patrick
     
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  3. QuietPeace

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    Like Justice Potter Stewart said, "I know it when I see it", only it is "I know it when I feel it". When I find someone attractive I just know. As far as sexual interest though, I only get that after I develop a caring relationship with someone. Again though, I know it when I feel it.
     
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  4. Sadness

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    Hi patrick, wow thanks for the input it really helps me understanding what i am going through.

    Throughout my life i have always been attracted? To girls, i think, because everyrhing you described there, i remember feeling it too, like a nervouss feeling to near someone, but want to be closer and closer to them, but i do not remeber having this chest tightening feeling tbh, i used to feel a rush of shiver in my body and a good feeling, also with erections, i always blushed over the girl but i wanted to make eye contact and be with her.

    But it kind feels differente to me now, with men i have this anxiety/nervous that i get and this weird chest feeling, but for some reason it doesnt make me feel any good, i dont feel pleasure or erection that i used to get with girls, i dont want to touch them or even look at them, because i feel scared to make eye contact? If that makes sence, i think is more of a intimidating feeling rather than a pleasurable feeling, like for some reason i feel uncomfortable when this happens, so i really dont know what is going on with me, since this is very new.

    But answering your questions, when i masturbate they are solely focus on woman, i already tried a lot of times to fantasize about men, and not just sex, kissing and cuddling, but i cant get hard with these situations, but woman are pretty natural and comfortable, i feel very pleasured.

    And for the sweeling in the chest that you aked, as i said i feel scared, i dont want to look to them or to get close and touch i just feel very uncomfortable and scared i think? Because i dont have the desire to get close, actually is very hard for me to even look them in the eyes. I wish i knew the answers to this because is something new, i never had this trouble before with men, i always looked at pretty man and said that he was handsome without any problem, but now this anxiety that i feels over this is very confusing.

    This is why until today i am using my arousal to describe attraction because i think that they are connected in some ways.

    But yeah that is all, maybe i just cant accept that i like guys, thats why i feel like this? Would like to know your answer, thank you very much
     
  5. Sadness

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    Yeah and it should be that easy, but i dont thinks is this easy for me.

    And it makes me doubt my hole life regarding attraction, like if it was always fake? I dont know how to say, because the last time i feel in love was like 5 years ago to this girl that i really really loved. But how to knlw if its really like this.

    Its a difficult subject because i dont feel the desire to be with the man that makes me feel like that for example, but for whatever reason i feel this way, very very confunsing ngl
     
  6. QuietPeace

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    Well, when I like being with someone I like it. I enjoy their company and want to spend time with them. I may later come to regret it because they abuse me but I know when I like something. I have never doubted that I felt the way I do, whether it is knowing that I am a woman or that I enjoy someones company.

    I cannot help you here. I do not know what is meant by "love". 100% of the people who said that they "loved" me either abused me in severe ways or merely used me until I got tired of it. I have never had a storybook romance where someone who actually cared about me said that they "loved" me. Also in most literature "love" is conflated with sex, and often casual meaningless sex like what most people have used me for (while at the same time claiming said "love").
     
  7. Patrick7269

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    Sadness,

    Your situation reminds me of the “fight / flight / freeze / fawn” response to stress. When someone encounters a threat, or feels stress, they may react with one or more of these states.

    Your statement that you do not feel attraction or longing seems to indicate that you are experiencing fight, flight, or freeze, but not fawn. Without fawn or any feeling of attraction, I doubt you are gay or that your feelings have any sexual component.

    Could you be feeling intimidation, anger, or jealousy? Those may have the same or similar physiological sensations.

    Patrick
     
    #7 Patrick7269, Mar 13, 2021
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  8. Sadness

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    Yeah i really likde this girl, i used to look at her all the time, and felt good seeing her, would like to spend some time with her, and talk about her, but she never liked me back.

    I am really sorry to hear that you never experienced trully love, i think you are a good person and you need love, i think we all need love, dont know if it was love, but it was something very deep, way more deep than just crushing, something like passion. Thank you for your input, you are such a cool person :slight_smile:
     
  9. Sadness

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    Wow i never knew about this fight flight freeze and fawn, i learned a lot now.

    And yeah i dont feel like a genuine atrraction or feeling, not that i am aware, not the "i want to be with him" feeling or want to kiss him, and even when i fantasize i dont get really aroused, i feel some groinal responses, but thats another story, but dont get hard or aroused or anything.

    I feel more scared i think? And intimidated, to look at them, and anxious, this mix of feelings lead me to have like a heart race and anxiety, i have never been scared with a men or intimidated but now i feel this, very weird lol
     
  10. Mike riely

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    Sounds like some sort of anxiety disorder. You may well be feeling insecure in yourself and projecting this onto other men, who seem more confident/at ease. I had something similar at the peak of my anxiety, feeling inferior to anyone etc.
     
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  11. Chip

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    THis is simply another rehash of the same threads you've been posting with regard to your OCD. Please discuss with your therapist/psychiatrist the fact that your OCD is out of control. You deserve not to be in the constant state of discomfort you are in.
     
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