What do you think?

So I have been thinking of maybe revealing that I am trans to my female classmate, who is in the same course with me. It seems like she is very open minded about LQBT+ topics and I know it, because we have had discussions on this subject, but I also fear she might out me too, because she is very chatty person and that’s not a bad thing. I just fear she might say it to someone who does out me. We are not very close to each other either, she is just a classmate who I talk to a lot and we get along very well. I just thought that before I decide anything I would just hear other opinions on this.

 

I feel that way as well. And if I think about telling my other friend I am much closer with, then I feel like she would get so confused and I don’t know how she feels about this. Thank you for answering. I am scared of getting hurt myself, so that’s why I am doubting, but the same time it feels like it would be okay.

 

That’s very true too. If you tell one person, then the chances of being outed to others is higher. I am not entirely ready to come out to lots of people.

 

Thank you. Yes that’s very true as well. I am not sure if I can manage being out to many people, if I tell one and they tell others.

 

Of course. I do know that. It’s just a possibility, that I might crack and just tell her without thinking clearly.

 

Not right now. I don’t know when and how. Everything is very uncertain.

 

You are not wrong. Well I would risk with is loosing these friends and risk being outcasted at school for an entire year and that my family finds out somehow, because people talk and they wont accept it. I feel like these risks are too much for me, especially if I am not totally independent yet, because I depend on my family a lot right now, with financial support and that I can go to school and that I have a roof over my head, even though as 30 years old I should be independent. Life just decided otherwise. I know I should be choosing my own happiness over what others say and I let these fears control my life. I don’t know how to let go of these fears. List making is very good idea. I did think, that if I am more independent and have an steady job, after I finish school next year, then I will come out to everybody and change myself entirely to become male. That’s my plan for now at least.

 

You don’t pressure me at all, so no worries. Thank you for sharing your story and views too. It made me think about lots of things. You have big risks too, so I totally get it. I am pretty depressed too and yes, there are big risks there too. I hope you find courage to talk to your wife. It can be very shocking to hear and it needs a lot of work to maintain your relationship afterwards, but your own health is very important as well and it can’t be good for that relationship either. Oh and don’t take these words, like someone experienced. I am not experienced at all, when it comes to relationships, this is just what I get from your story.

 

Thank you for answering. The thing is that I don't know how well they can keep secrets. Coming out is very serious for me too and it has to happen, when i'm ready for it and have mentally prepared. I think I try to ask, if our conversations are going in that direction. She might think something is up, if I ask it out of the blue.

 

So, I have decided to take a big step and instead of my classmate, I want to tell my close friend about me. She has been my friend for years and even if she don't like it, then I don't think she would tell others, because I have helped her a lot and if she don't want to talk to me anymore, then it's alright, even though I will be sad. It was her decision. Now I'm thinking how should I tell her. I feel like it's best to do so, when talking eye to eye. We chat in messenger all the time too, but I don't feel like it's the best to do it like that, or would it be better?