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What do you think of a Christian marrying an atheist?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Okami, Jul 12, 2020.

  1. Okami

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    Cause it got me thinking, my BF doesn't really believe in God, but I do. I think it's alright. Cause a strong believer could convert a non-believer through patience & love, all that, if not as long as they love each other & respect one another & whatnot. I'm just wondering as I find acceptance as a gay Christian and now I got this dilemma to contend with, well only time & God will tell, but I'm just wondering & I overloaded my brain researching this topic, plus it's good to contemplate such things & be aware.
     
  2. Vast

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    You think it's alright because you can eventually convert him? :frowning2:

    Think it like this. How would you feel if you met a strong believer of Hinduism who reassured you that they'd tolerate you because, once you spent some time together, you'd understand how silly your Christianity is with its one god for all the universe? Not a very pleasant or respectful scenario, is it? That's basically the position you'd be putting your boyfriend in by trying to gradually force your views on him instead of just doing your thing and letting him do his.

    Other people hold their beliefs just as strongly as you hold yours. These views differ because they depend on our world view and what we are raised with. There is no absolute proof that validates any particular religion or that absolutely proves the lack of deities. That's why people have to have faith in their religions. You choose to believe one possible answer, he finds another possible answer more compelling. I strongly recommend earnestly reflecting on what it means to respect other people's way of life as equals.
     
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  3. Chip

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    If you are in this relationship thinking you can eventually convert him, that's beyond fucked up. It's also disingenuous because you're presumably representing to him that you're fine with his different beliefs when, in fact, you aren't, and are just manipulating him to get what you want.

    So... if you want to be authentic with him, tell him that you intend to try and convert him in the long term. If he values his own autonomy, he'll run. If he's insecure and thinks he can't do any better, he'll stick around. If you aren't authentic with him... then you really aren't following Christian values anyway.

    Sorry to be harsh here but there's just no way this is OK.
     
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  4. Vega222

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    I am technically Atheist, But I love Christianity in some ways so much that I believe there are few non-believers like me out there. I probably could come into a church and enjoy it very much. Still, If I find out my friend/partner are pretending they're completely fine with my disbelief and secretly trying to convert/persuade me to Christianity, I'd find that offensive and outrageous.
    So, Let alone those regular Atheists who don't like Christianity as I do.

    This is a major problem for me myself. I happened to see so many religious people act like that and it has kinda ruined my trust in religious folks. Not that irreligious ones are any better. So, Please be honest and honourable with those who you care.

    Not saying you're bad or anything. Just said my general opinion. I don't know what's in your mind exactly and you may have no bad intention anyway.
     
  5. mellissa

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    Well it depends how important your faith is to you. If your faith is a big part of your life, then somebody who doesn't believe in it could have trouble understanding you and your decisions.
    I'm a devout follower of Christ. Like you I have issues accepting my sexuality and faith. If I were to marry somebody, they would have to be born again believers as well. If not, they couldn't understand my love for God and why I live life a certain way. I need to be with somebody I can pray with. I need to be with somebody that will want to transmit Christian values in our children (if we have them).
     
  6. alwaysforever

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    I would never ever stay with someone if they tried to convert me to Christianity. I think it's morally wrong to do so, especially if the other person is in a relationship with you. You are essentially telling them that what they believe, the core of who they are, isn't important to you. The damage that you could do to someone you profess to care about by doing so is severe. Don't do it.
     
  7. Joelle b

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    I am also an atheist, but I live in a Christian house hold, so I still go to the church and stuff.
    I believe that you partner should be able to believe what they want. If it is really important to you that you partner is a Christian maybe it is my right for you.
    Have you expressed that to your partner?
     
  8. Vega222

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    I see.
    Yeah, Absolutely. But perhaps someone choose to have only, say, Christian partners. That's fine. You can choose to be not have Atheist partners. But if you chose one, You ought to respect them. Furthermore, You may even try to persuade your partner openly (If it's acceptable for your partner). But doing it secretly is different.
    I'll when I have one. Most people are ok with that I guess.
     
  9. Bri2020

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    I think this apples to a lot of different areas of a relationship. Basically if you are in a relationship and stay in it hoping your partner will change the things you don't like about him/her or trying to change something about them, it generally doesn't work. Resentments build over time. Better to be honest about it to start. It's never good to try an "fix" people. Acceptance of who they are is better and if you can live with that person awesome.
     
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  10. Okami

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    Right. I was gonna let him do his own thing & not force it on him, you can pray to yourself for God to convert him, but don't force it all or get your hopes up, if I'll just keep loving him. I was just thinking what if I were to marry an atheist, what is there to consider & ponder on. I'll love him no matter, I'll do my thing, he'll do his, and we'll all get alobg, we must be respectful, if not just listen to one another. Having someone to share my faith wasn't really what I was thinking of, it's just nice if someone believes your beliefs, if not oh well, I've got somebody to love, not somebody to love who shares my faith.

    No matter what I'll be a true Christian, he's never really had somebody ask him out and now he's got me, God's plans our far greater than our own. I love him because I love, not to convert him, but because I love him and I truly would wanna be with him. I don't know if I said what I wanted too correctly here or repeated myself, but I understand it now and perhaps God wanted me to date an atheist or didn't mind, I don't know you can never truly understand Gods' plans, but for now I'll love him & not worry about the future or converting him, just let forever be and tomorrow never knows.
     
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  11. HM03

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    I think people of different religions can be together happily, if they both respect the other partner's beliefs. Everybody else has already chimed in on the conversion thing - in a general sense I think in order for a relationship to work, you have to be content with none of their "bad habits" changing. Because likely marriage won't permanently change any of their habits that drive you crazy.
     
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  12. BothWaysSecret

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    I personally couldn't do it. Being a Catholic bisexual myself, I'd want my spouse to believe in some kind of higher power. I don't care if they're a different branch of Christianity from me, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, etc. But I don't think I could have a relationship with someone who didn't believe in anything. It just wouldn't sit right with me. But that doesn't mean I'm saying a believer/non-believer marriage couldn't work, as long as you both respect each others opinions on the subject of a higher power and don't try to change each other, things will probably be okay.

    I know for a fact it'd bother me to no end, especially because I'd be both trying to respect their opinion but at the same time be like low-key judging them for not believing in any god.

    For me , if they were a different faith from myself it'd be a fascinating topic to talk about learning about traditions in their faih and what they believe, holidays, etc. New stuff you can learn about a faith you might not know much about. You don't get that with an athiest.

    I'd also want my kids to follow some kind of religion (either mine or my spouse's, but any is fine really). A spouse who is an athiest would definitely cause complications with that because they'd be teaching the children about life with no type of god whatsoever, whereas I'd be trying to teach them about life with a god. I could see it causing a lot of arguments.

    Again, I am not saying it's bad for everyone. In fact I'm sure there are several relationships where one worships a god and one doesn't and it works perfectly, but I know for me personally it could never work due to my own views and hangups on the subject.
     
  13. Mihael

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    I guess it very much depends on the person and what faith means to them and how they practice it? I have certain hangups with religion, but if they don’t do thise certain things, then why bother? We don’t have to be identical after all and there is so much more about a person, so many more important things to consider... like who they are, really.

    Side note: religion doesn’t answer science questions, it answers the purpose questions, so it’s wrong to frame it as a belief as to an explanation why world exists.
     
  14. PatrickUK

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    For a Christian who is strong in their faith, but very open minded to questions and a deeper understanding, it can be a perfect match. My husband is an atheist, whereas I am a practising Christian and although we don't talk about my faith constantly his questioning of belief keeps me sharply focused on what it means to be a Christian in the modern world and prevents me from becoming lazy in faith. I have to feel able to justify my beliefs to him, in light of scientific knowledge and human understanding. It won't do to simply dismiss all of that and bury my head in the sand like an Ostrich (do Ostriches really do that?). I know I have zero chance of persuading or converting him and I wouldn't even attempt to because it would feel somewhat coercive and contrary to the values of my faith. I love him for the person he is and the values he holds - without faith. You don't need a faith to be a good and moral person!
     
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  15. silverhalo

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    I definitely think it can work but it all depends on the 2 people and how they see it working and what they expect from the other person.
     
  16. Linning

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    It can work as long as you do not try to convert him.

    My step-dad is Christian my mom and her family are Atheists, we grew up raised as atheists but for a few years I did take an interest in religion and tried out Christianism and attended Church with my step-dad on Sunday, until I realized all the little things that (for me) didn't make sense and didn't like about it and went back to being an Atheist (though I would call myself agnostic more than Atheist).

    The difference in faith caused very little issues, yes sometimes there would be debate at the dinner table about my step-dad believing certain things (God creating the earth, Adam and Eve yada, yada) and the rest of us (more scientifically based) believing something else. But honestly none of us cared. We knew he believed and we would respect his need for church and prayers and he would respect (as much as he could) the fact that we didn't believe nor had any interest in God.

    Me and my brothers all went from small moments of faith to no faith at all, and we all freely explored religion on our own timeline and made a choice for ourselves (like the rest of the family would be respectful of each sibling's journey and beliefs about religion).

    I think respect is the key. Trying to convince someone to turn or believe into something they don't is not okay. as long as you take your boyfriend as is and don't try to change him and he is similarly respectful of your faith, their should be no issue.

    I wouldn't mind dating a Christian as long as she didn't try to imply stuff that happen to me are God-related or messages from God and let me live my beliefs as I (would) do her.
     
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  17. Shorthaul

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    I am an atheist married to a catholic, she goes to church and the dog and I sleep in late when she goes. So the relationship can work as long as this is a topic you both can openly and politely agree to disagree on. You can encourage them if they want to learn more, but trying to make them believe will likely make them resent your beliefs more and push them away.