What do ya'll think of HOCD vs denial debate (I'm trying to figure out what I am!)?

Re: What do ya'll think of HOCD vs denial debate (I'm trying to figure out what I am!

I think it's possible for someone to have anxiety over their sexual orientation if they already have anxiety, OCD, or similar condition. I don't think, however, that it's common for someone with a mental illness to obsess over one thing and one thing only, though there are people on here who know more about mental illness than I do who should confirm or deny this. Do you have any other symptoms of OCD or anxiety?

If you've been in love with girls and enjoyed sex with them, then you probably aren't gay. Also, your reaction to men sounds a lot like mine, so unless you have more feelings for men than you describe here, it doesn't sound like you're bi. Can you see yourself doing romantic things, like holding hands or having a private dinner, with a man?

In the meantime, you need to work on accepting yourself and getting to the point where you know you will be fine with yourself no matter what your sexual orientation is. It will make it easier to stop thinking about it. Really the only thing that can help you discover your orientation if it doesn't make itself readily apparent is life experience.

 

Re: What do ya'll think of HOCD vs denial debate (I'm trying to figure out what I am!

If you think you have OCD, you should see someone professional to be evaluated for it.

Homosexuality does not usually present as a voice in your head that is unconnected to any actual attractions. But denial is a very tricky thing.

However, nothing in your post indicates an attraction to men. If you are elaborately lying to yourself, that is difficult for me to know.

---------- Post added 6th Jul 2012 at 02:24 AM ----------

But welcome to Empty Closets!

 

Re: What do ya'll think of HOCD vs denial debate (I'm trying to figure out what I am!

I think at the very least you are bisexual but leaning more to girls. Being bisexual doesn't mean you have to be attracted to both sexes equally, for example it could be that you are 70/30.

Also, maybe you are confusing good looking as sexual attractiveness? Do you find guys sexually attractive or is it more of a 'oh he's good looking' type of thing? I'm gay but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate how a girl looks, like they can be stunning but I don't want to have sex with them. Or maybe you can relate to guys more rather than girls so you have some sort of 'bromance' going on.

Tetraquark's advice is good, especially the accepting yourself part. Loving who you are whether your straight, bi, or gay is probably the most important issue you need to focus on right now. The part where she asks "can you see yourself doing romantic things", well this can be a bad indicator on deciding whether you like guys or not because society has somewhat brainwashed us to conform by finding someone of the opposite sex to marry and have children etc. So you're probably thinking well no you don't imagine yourself holding hands or having a private dinner with a man xD

One thing I've read that seems to be quite effective is you can go somewhere that is bound to have lots of people like a shopping centre and just take a seat looking at everyone who passes by. Do you seem to be checking out the girls or the guys more? Or maybe both?

I'm sorry but HOCD as a medical condition is not proven to exist. The Moderators on EC, either Chip or Owen (I get confused because they are quite similar lol) have a very strong view on this so I suggest you give them a pm if you want more info.

Try not to beat yourself up about this, after all there is nothing wrong with being gay or bi. Stay strong! (*hug*)

 

Re: What do ya'll think of HOCD vs denial debate (I'm trying to figure out what I am!

It's Chip that usually has strong words to say about HOCD.

OCD is a real diagnosis. Some people with OCD compulsively check their sexuality over and over, the same way they might have to check over and over that they locked the front door, even thought they know they did.

HOCD does not exist independently of OCD. If you don't have OCD, you don't have HOCD.

While I think that OCD expressed in this way is rare, I also think that this forum will attract people who have it.

My usual advice is to see someone who is experienced working both with people with OCD and with people struggling to accept their sexuality. That's who is best equipped to distinguish between the two.

 

Re: What do ya'll think of HOCD vs denial debate (I'm trying to figure out what I am!

I've never heard of HOCD but I do struggle with OCD so I kind of know where you're coming from.... however, from what you describe it doesn't sound to me like you're gay.... most people know from a very early age. A good thing to do is to go back to your first crush. Was it a girl? That sends a very loud signal. Also, if you were in an AMS (altered mental state) when you experienced the male fantasies, that can give you ideas that simply weren't there in the first place. The best thing to do, IMHO, if you're struggling with any of these issues (OCD, mental health and/or sexuality) is to seek out a non-judgmental therapist and work with him/her.... best of luck to you....

 

Re: What do ya'll think of HOCD vs denial debate (I'm trying to figure out what I am!

There are usually signs from an early age. However, there are many people who do not realize that they are gay until much later.

 

Re: What do ya'll think of HOCD vs denial debate (I'm trying to figure out what I am!

Just because someone has HOCD (OCD) it does not mean that they are not gay, it means they are obsessing about being gay. Usually, the way it works is that the actual gay thoughts are not pleasurable and cause a great deal of anxiety, unless this has been going on for a while and you are desenitized. The key to beating it is to practice acceptance, accepting all the thoughts will bring the anxiety down and exposure.

So if you head keeps telling you you are gay then just agree with it and keep living your life. If this is a major issue for you try seeing a psycologist who is trained in anxiety disorders and does cbt with clients. There are people who could obsess over just one theme, sexuality is a big one because we are so exposed to it in society.

 

Re: What do ya'll think of HOCD vs denial debate (I'm trying to figure out what I am!

I think it's definitely possible for one with OCD to obsess over the fear of being gay. I have severe OCD and I know it tends to act like this and latch on to something. Doesn't necessarily mean you aren't in fact gay, or it could also be anxiety about who you really are. I think.. there are alot of possibilities, probably the most common being repression.

 

Re: What do ya'll think of HOCD vs denial debate (I'm trying to figure out what I am!

Your story is so similar to mine. After years, and years straight life I began experimenting with drugs. I remember coming down from an acid trip with this very clear idea that I was gay, not that I was attracted to guys, just simply that I was gay. That's where the confusion began. Its been 10 years now, and I still have this nagging feeling, sometimes an internal voice, sometimes a need to tell someone that I am gay. I'm not homophobic, I have some gay friends that are great. I have even attempted to make out with a guy, but I just can't get into it. But I still have this voice that will pop up and say you are gay... I've tried to explain it, and people think i'm nuts. My gay friends say do you like guys, I say not particularly they say your not gay then. But the voice never goes away. So I wonder have you made any progress? any advice?

 

Re: What do ya'll think of HOCD vs denial debate (I'm trying to figure out what I am!

Seems that none of you have done research on this well enough to know that gay people also with ocd can obsess about their sexuality and fear that they are turning straight.
Ironic how a bunch of "denairs" can shun something like hocd , when your own kind suffers from it. Id suggest the debate is open and closed , when you come across one that suffers from this gay or straight that you give them support and respect.
Also.. You can develop ocd at any moment of your life.. I think noting that "repression" although possible.. Is a very old diagnoses. When new scientific know how has increases along with the ability to diagnose things earlier.
Lastly look up the blogs written by gay ocd sufferers that know of this phenomenon, and would never suggest that someone straight suffering from this is gay or a gay person being a secretly repressed straight man or woman..just too funny, the lot of you.