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What did you do this year?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by MaybeBenji, Dec 27, 2019.

  1. MaybeBenji

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2015
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
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    Location:
    The South
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    A few people
    2019 was the year I finally started my transition. After years of being unhappy and trying to ignore my dysphoria, I started the road to peace with my body.

    Here's a list of things that I did this year, it's all transition stuff because I took the year off to focus on that.

    February 10th I came out to my mom. I essentially had a breakdown and decided it's now or never. If I didn't come out, I don't know if I'd be alive.

    March 11th I started therapy. It was the first time anyone called me Ben.

    June 18th I saw my HRT doctor for the first time.

    June 20th I quit therapy because it was expensive and made me anxious.

    June 21st I started testosterone.

    September 20th I went to a concert and introduced myself as Ben to people standing near me. We talked between sets. It was my first time introducing myself as Ben to people my age.

    November 28th My grandma asked if I was getting sick because my voice sounded different. I hadn't seen her in a few months. It was nice that someone heard the changes. (I'll come out to her next year)

    December 24th My dad called and also noticed my voice. I'm not out to him.


    I turned 20 this year. I never really thought much about my future because I didn't think I'd have one. It's weird to not be a teenager anymore. I know it sounds dumb but it makes me feel old. I see all these kids getting on hrt at 15 and top surgery at 16 and going into adulthood as themselves. I know I'm not too old to transition but it can feel like that sometimes. But there are people much older than me going through it. It's just weird to be 20 years old going through puberty.

    Sometimes things feel slow. Sometimes I get frustrated that I'm not farther along. But I made more progress this year than all the other years of my life combined. Yes, I wish I came out at 18. I wish my name were legally changed. I wish I had top surgery. I wish my family would use my name. But I'll get there.

    A year ago, I was considering suicide. The only thing that stopped me was that it was too close to my mother's birthday and the holidays. I didn't want to ruin the season for my family.

    By this time next year, I want to be out to more family, have my name legally changed, have a job, and either have had top surgery or be on the way to getting it. It'd be nice if my mom would call me her son but I can't really change that, it's up to her.

    What did you do this year? What are your goals for 2020?
     
    #1 MaybeBenji, Dec 27, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2019