What are you thinking?

Why do I have to have this god damn sore throat shitty cold thing...

 

Interference and diffraction.

 

My internet has been dragging ass for the last four days and I'm about to take this shitty router to Frontier Communication's HQ and shove it up the first orifice that presents itself of the bastard who installed it. The thing randomly shuts off at the most inopportune times and is generally dragging its feet like a giant tortoise with cinder blocks tied to its legs.

 

1.I miss gravity falls..
2. Snow Day!!!
3. more time to read macbeth
4.The Fosters was amazing like always
5. I want to See the Purge Election Year

 

The thing is, she doesn't feel like she needs to see a therapist, somehow I doubt she'll change in those regards, just feels better to offer it in the first place. I do hope she changes though, I don't really believe in the whole "set in their ways" thing and I do hope that she comes around at some point. Thanks for the advice~

 

So, I think I'll go grab a cup of coffee and file my income taxes.

 

I did try explaining to her that everyone's experience with this is a little to a lot different, there really is no one way to go about it. For some people, they can take decades to decide that they are trans. Not everyone knows that they are trans at a very young age(which is what she thinks) and having these thoughts later in life doesn't really invalidate their feelings even if they were super masculine or feminine when they were kids, gender and sexuality are fluid things and it can take a while for people to figure it out.

I didn't want to really explore my gender or even sexuality when I was younger, I thought they were bad things when I was a kid and shied away from either one. True, I might have a crushes on people or even tried "dating" but that's as far as it went. I didn't even know people were gay or bisexual until late in high school. I didn't even meet my first trans person until I was 19 and even then it took me a while to figure out what it meant to me because I tended to shy away from such things for such a long time.

 

Have this friend from a school I used to go to...we get along well, and he calls us twins- we're super similar, personality wise. Then, another friend was joking if I liked him...and now, all I can think of is that we're the different sides of the same coin. One western, one eastern.

 

Why most of the songs on the radio are about love? I like the music, but the lyrics just piss me off : One great song after another great song, and they are all about love...

Come on, there is so much more in life than love...

 

Which is why most of the music I listen to are movie/TV/Games' soundtracks. Lyric-less.

 

He was the most friendly gerbil I'd ever met. Never tried to bite me, once, in four years. And he really did love me. He was friendly to everyone, but he would always want to go to my hand, and a week ago I remember he sat in my hand for a while, and grabbed a treat much later, and it was so sweet...Up until a few days ago, he was so healthy and happy, but now it's quite obvious that he is dying now. I'm really gonna miss him.

 

There is also the unique factor that a mother with an FTM child face. When the child was born, or in her womb, she was told it was a girl and that set off a chain of events in her mind of how she wanted her child to be. I think a mother and daughter relationship is very special to the mother, sometimes almost to the point of fetishizing it. When her 'daughter' comes out as trans it is a blow to 'her' dreams. I guess mothers want daughters to be the spittin' image of her.

 

It's always hard when you like a celebrity and you enjoy their content, but then they go and do (or you find out that they did) something that you highly don't agree with/think is wrong or immoral- or in some cases against the law.

And even though you don't know them personally, it almost feels like you were betrayed by a close friend or something. Especially if you could relate/looked up to them and miss following/watching the stuff they make/produce/sing ect.

:rolle: Yes, I know I may be being over-dramatic and going on about a rather trivial matter, but still. :dry:

 

I wish there was a dating site for trans people that wasn't all shady looking. We need a swipeable, modern looking dating app, basically.

And I say this because it's pretty clear I'm gonna be single soon...

 

Calling myself straight doesn't feel right...
The reason has little to do with my sexual preference, it has everything to do with everything else

 

I'm really tempted to do a store run to get some supplies to make a test batch of fake guts for the movie. Thankfully if things work out, I could have a crap ton of things together for under $20. This is going to be so fucking fun.

 

Wellll this is strange. I'm actually in a decent mood for once. Watch, tomorrow I'll be completely depressed. *sigh*

---------- Post added 16th Feb 2016 at 04:13 PM ----------

I think I'm actually going to get something done today though. Mom said that if I cleaned out my dresser full of old female clothes, she'll take me out shopping to get guy clothes. This will be fun.

 

I am glad you are in a good mood hope tomorrow will be good! (*hug*) I hope you pick out some awesome clothes!

 

Well...I got my ID renewal papers in the mail and I'm not ready to go back to the DMV. This is going to be beyond triggering for me, and it's just upsetting me that I didn't do the responsible thing and saved up for my name change (and I'm being told to stop being ridiculous over being distraught).

I should have seen this coming, because I've had too many consistently good days lately.

 

I'm really enjoying staying at home.