What are you thinking?

I freaking hate where I live, There's nothing to do, It's like no man's land.

 

Ohio was warmer for a bit. Then it became colder thanot it has been the entire year. So, that's annoying...

 

Ah so glad I only have a 4 day week ahead of me and I'm getting a new laptop on Wednesday!

 

Would anyone notice?



Would anyone care?

 

why am i up at 2:00 am when i have school at 6:00?

 

I pack for this california trip and honestly I have wayyyy too much clothes.

 

So it's 9.40, I just went to the gym and now on my way to school. Unlike my expectations I feel refreshed and happy Dunno if that's because of the gym or because my sister had no problem accepting the fact I put on a binder and my brother's hoodie as soon as we were done "working out"

 

It was so cold that in the time it took me to walk down a flight of stairs and take the ten steps from the stairs to my car, that my slightly damp hair was completely frozen when I got there. So that was fun. Once I got to work I basically just shivered for eight hours, wearing a scarf and a giant puffer vest like a crazy person at my desk.

 

It's so cold in Wisconsin right now, many exterior doors ON BUILDINGS are frozen shut, and I have to start my car once an hour to make sure nothing freezes too bad.

And your boogers freeze as soon as you step outside.

 

I've been having difficulty breathing for a majority of the day. A few minutes ago, I suddenly feel psychically weird, as if my inner body is numb/itchy/has a lack of sensitivity inside though my mind registers my movements. Touching my arm, I can vaguely feel the contact, but it feels abnormally subtle and numb. I legitimately can't tell if it's due to of lack of blood flow or some other body issue, or a translation of my current mental deadness.

It's actually kind of scaring me, to be honest. I haven't experienced this before. It's very bizarre, and mildly concerning.

 

Why can't I just be happy on my birthday?

 

It's funny that Buzzfeed (a place I go to for "fun," "mindless" entertainment) is becoming more and more like a legitimate news organization.

 

This evening at my first legal consumption of alcohol while out, my mother pointed out "this is the most you've ever drunk. Well, that I've ever seen."

Pointed passive aggression not exactly off the mark, but the champagne was pretty damn good, even if I had most of the bottle myself, so I'm not so bothered.

 

Sounds like anxiety to me. You better get rid of whatever is bothering you... If you can.

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I wonder if it's possible to live without a phone.

I'm thinking I'll get a fax machine... And put it on the kitchen, far away from me... And send everything and everyone to hell, all to hell except what matters to me...

 

I'm 'bout to have a interview for internship. If I play my cards right I could even get paid from it.

 

I woke up this morning wondering why I wasn't still tired. Ah well.

 

Yay, it's raining today!

 

I feel ya. Hate it so much. :/


I had this wonderful dream yesterday. I had quit the band that I'm in and instead I was joining another band. The other members were really quirky, especially this small girl (small as in stature, although she was my age), who developed a crush on me, lol. I don't know exactly what it was, but being in that dream made me so happy. Things were just kind of more... in place than my current life situation, not to mention a lot more fun. I played the guitar, lol, even though I'm a drummer. We played rock, mostly classic, which was a huge step forward compared to now (I'm playing punk...) Now that the dream is over I have the same feeling as when you've finished a great book - a sense of loss, like grief. Sigh...
I also had another dream; a much weirder one, and shorter. I saw an old lady who was falling over on her bike and I went to help her. She said something like "Please help me. I'm about done for and the doctors are going to [experiment on] me." I was horrified and didn't know what to say. Her complexion then changed and her face became fell and fierce. It was shining in an unpleasant creamy white color and her eyes were deeply sunken. I tried to reason with her but she kept at it with her attempt to suck me in. But after a while she calmed down. Her face became a pale white with a few freckles and her hair was a shock red. She looked much younger, like she was 20 years old again. She looked at me with trusting and grateful eyes. We exchanged two kisses. Then she sort of faded away.

Dreams are funny.

 

Reason #7,463,621,896,437 I can't wait for my aunt to get out of this house:

I'm really sick and tired of having to listen to her go on and on about her "New Age Spirituality Pseudo-Buddhism" bullshit. No wonder that crap drives real Buddhists crazy, from what I've read.

 

Easy there, steady as she goes!

What kind of Champagne? I was always very fond of Bollinger; Krug and Salon were my all-time favorites, but who can afford those? I was lucky, and worked in the wine business, and so got various samples. Those were the days!