What are you thinking?

I know this feeling so terribly well. :/

 

Apparently, my low 'C' grade in History class means I'm doing 'very well' in that class. Makes you wonder how other people are doing...

 

Brain today: "Please, no more studying! Just sleep!"

 

Wondering whether or not I should start playing WoW again or not. I started playing in 2008 but took a break starting in 2011. I miss playing it, even though I'm not very good at it.

 

Bed's too warm. Why do I have to leave it? Oh, right. Work.

 

Unexpectedly going on a trip to the Netherlands for Christmas. Three friends and me all wanted to visit NL around the Christmas weekend so we decided to rent a car together. And as I'm the only one with a valid driving license in Germany, I'll be driving the entire trip. The car enthousiast in me likes this.

Looking forward to seeing my friends and family, but also looking forward to a nice roadtrip

(*hug*) hope things went well

Ha, a cat person. Note taken. 20 points extra in my book for you.

 

Paper craft slash pepakura

 

1 hour or so... The butterflies are waking up.

 

Putting on my travel agent hat to get my aunt's wife here for Christmas. This is turning out to be a challenge.

 

That's very kind of you!

 

played a game trivia game on lgbt and i won!

 

I just went to see a play with an all-female cast and fell badly for the girl playing the prince. And I even liked the pic of her out of character in the programme.

Maybe I'm not completely gay after all...

 

My girlfriend got day shift at her job! I'm so excited! \^_^/

 

So, Xmas card arrives in the mail. Addressed to me.
Co-habiting male - who would be sending YOU a Xmas card?
Emphasis on the YOU

Fuck YOU

 

This English assignment makes me want to jump off a cliff. I hate it

 

My mom is one of the greatest people in my life right now.

1. She's taking me to a trans youth meeting in the city! I'll finally get to meet another trans person!

2. This Saturday we're going shopping for some more guy's clothes for me!

3. She said she no longer sees me as a girl, she views me as male. Lately, I can tell she's been having trouble using "she" or "sister" or words like that.

4. She's doing her very best to get me a gender therapist.

 

:eusa_clap Yes, yes, yes. That is so awesome!
Also, have fun in your trans youth meeting.

 

Your mom sounds like a lovely person

 

He's gone out. And it's a relief. He's going away this weekend. I can't wait. Over this.

Sick of the petty arguments. Sick of not being able to sleep at night. I'm exhausted. I'm stressed out of my mind.

I'll have to spend Xmas with him, with our kids, and all I want is for the day to be over. And just down the road will be the person I want to spend Xmas with. And she'll be with her family, her husband and kids.

Can I just cancel Xmas this year. Cancel the rest of the year?

 

My Mom doesn't know a thing, obviously judging from my out status. But I just made a joke to one of my brothers when he popped up unknowingly behind me, saying "You know better than to sneak up on a man!", which isn't uncommon for me to make jokes along those lines. But because of that, she just said "One day, I'm going to get it through your head that you're not a man." I replied and she responded with "You can't be whatever gender you want.".

That... Really hurt.
I wonder if there will ever be a time where I can actually come out. I wonder just how rejected I'm going to be if that time ever comes.
Now I'm hesitant to even make the few first steps of being who I am and figuring myself out.

My stomach is spiraling into aches, now.