What are you thinking?

I'm not sure whether it's the weather, my heavy workload or just the stress of dealing with homophobes, but I've constantly been tired for the past two weeks.

 

Work has turned every muscle in my body into knots of anxiety. If I could have I would've curled into a ball under the desk and cried. Still, I managed to get everything done that could be done without my boss being there, even with all the power outages. That's something to be happy about.

 

There is this dude who is snoring really loudly in the waiting room...

 

^ Seem to be heading in this direction myself.

 

I guess cute people do have a purpose...they can turn even the most shitty days into 'good' territory, if only for just a couple seconds. Just walking pass them and getting a wave back(ie them acknowledging your existence) can leave you momentarily smiling like a frickin' idiot.

Touchpad?

If so, those things are evil...

 

Roadtrip. Tomorrow. Excited.

 

A lot of people seem to have the problem that their parents favor their siblings somehow.
Well my mother favors me.and i hate it.

She kinda idolizes me...sees me as a perfect child...which I'm not.

For me loving means accepting someone- with all their flaws
Sometimes i don't know anymore if she loves me or the picture she made of me.

In arguments with my siblings she brings me up as an example that they could make things better.
I feel used.
In an argument between my parents and my siblings it's my place and my right to be on my siblings side.
Also I'm not doing these things to be better than someone else...

She always tells how her mother always favored her brother so she should know better.or maybe she sees herself in me and somehow copes this way...

My mother is pretty stressed and all so maybe...she needs a perfect child that makes her stress with the 3 of us bearable

Still..it makes me afraid to be myself as if I would let her down by being flawed...but that's who i am.i don't wanna be perfect.

 

This is similar to the way my mom treats me. She doesn't really idolize me, or hold me up as an example to my sister, but my sister has a lot of problems, and she sees me as the "normal", "stable" one. She always seems so relieved when she brings that up, like she's glad she doesn't have to worry or stress over me like she does for my sister. It's a hard image to live up to, and makes it difficult to go to her when I'm struggling. So, while I could tell you to just be you and not try to appear perfect for your mom's sake, I know how hard it is to challenge the idea someone has of you. It's something I'm still having trouble with. Someday, I'm sure we'll both manage to stop worrying so much about things like that

 

I'm interviewing my first band tonight and I'm pretty nervous. I'm friends with the bassist so I hope it'll be a fun and casual experience.

 

People who make me lose faith in western education:

~People who refer to Africa as a country.

~People who group all African, Asian, and Middle Eastern countries together as though the countries within those regions do not contain far more social, cultural, ethnic, and economic diversity than has every existed in the murky pots of mass assimilation that is America and the western European world.

 

Thank you.

 

Watching this CNN documentary on Atheists with my parents may be the most awkward thing ever. But it'll be worth it.

 

Good luck. At least with the pipe bands I've been in, things have sorta been informal....

 

Sooo...I'd like to thank Comcast for leaving me without my home phone in the midst of this time applying for jobs. I called to order internet and TV only and wanted to keep my WOW phone. Their installer used the coax for the WOW modem rather than supplying his own. He was a contractor. It took 4 calls, but a very nice guy from Mexico knew how to process the problem with a trouble ticket and send someone out tomorrow at no charge to fix it. All of the other Comcast people were like, "Since we don't service your phone service, we can't do anything." So it goes to show you that people from outside the U.S. can sometimes do things better than "us". Thank you, Luis, wherever you may be south of the border.

 

Wtf...some random old man earlier signaled me over to where he was pulling off to the side of the road to ask me if I needed a ride.

No candy offer though...so I had to decline his offer.

 

There is nothing more calming than laying on a bed on a dark room with a Pug and a cat on my bed. I miss these two when I am in school.

 

Yep. American ignorance right there.

 

Thanks to my borderline hopeless-romantic side, I feel a desire to be with someone (particularly a guy). I shouldn't be having this desire at all; I feel I'm too young and too much of a mess to be in a relationship with someone. I don't want to drag anyone down with me or feel that they have to pull me up; I need to get myself to the surface first. It's going to be insane and difficult, but no one said life was easy. :/