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What are you thinking?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by LD579, Nov 30, 2014.

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  1. Burnedcloset

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    I'm feeling lonely....I want to cuddle someone right now! :3
     
  2. C P

    C P
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    Can help but miss an old best friend that I haven't seen in over a decade...


    Aww. :l
     
  3. CrazyAwkward

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    Sorry you're feeling lonely. Here's a hug (*hug*)

    ---------------------

    Mehhh I can't believe it snowed again today. At least it's not enough to make traveling difficult on my way to work tomorrow. And now that I'm thinking about it I should probably get to sleep so I don't fall asleep at work. Being an adult is no fun. Can I quit and go back to playing video games all day and night? Those were the days...
     
  4. MrBrightside

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    Hopefully be facebook official with my boyfriend tomorrow :slight_smile: Actually excited about it. He just needs to tell his mum i exist first.
     
  5. Lawrence

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    I pretended to freak out, so my scammer told me to calm down. They must be masochists or very stupid because they keep calling and pestering me about malware on my computer. As if I'm going to hand over remote control to idiots.
     
  6. AwesomGaytheist

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    Today's my boyfriend's 20th birthday.
     
  7. Kaiser

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    My class was sent an e-mail informing us, our professor is out of town. That's fine, but I'm already dressed and ready... and I'd hate to waste this time.

    Apparently, there's some actress on Lifetime that has me in a semi-dysphoria. It's not crippling or anything, but it has me feeling a little shamed. It's more so annoying, to be honest, when finding a woman attractive is packaged with such a thing. In a sadistic kind of way, it's a compliment really, if you get me feeling dysphoric, it means you be looking extra fine, LOL.


    And some brooding reflection, for those interested in such thoughts:​
    My mother brought up an interesting point this morning, too:

    "You sure do a lot for somebody without friends."

    I know she wasn't intentionally meaning to jab at me, but it perplexes her. I work out, now have two jobs, and while it could be said, it's all for me. That isn't quite true. Unlike my father, my mother is slightly more understanding, though how much of that is genuine vs how much of that is necessary since, circumstantially, we're housemates, and it is better to have some degree of cohesion, isn't quite known.

    The one thing that always irritated me, is this ridiculous high standard both my parents hold me to, with my father's being higher than my mother's. I know that they didn't intend to have me when they did, and had considered an abortion, but were convinced to go through with having me anyway. On one hand, I'm glad they told me about that, but on the other it makes me feel like shit. But it does explain quite a bit, that by not wanting me fully, they take out some of their frustrations on me, by expecting me to be so exceptional that they will regret ever thinking like that.

    So far, I've failed. It is my sister, who is pretty boring in comparison, that is spoken of fondly. But they had planned for her. I find myself, in temporary lapses of confidence, wishing that I had not been brought into the world. While I know life isn't fair, and you have to put in some work, it is always seems to be more for me. My sister graduates high school and my father, who rarely ever compliments anybody, actually compliments her. Me? I graduated and all I got was a quick glance and an "Okay". My mother, at least, showed some interest by asking me, what I intended to do now.

    The irony is, both my parents don't have an issue stating I'm the smarter of my sister and I, but this seems like an excuse for them to justify their standards for me. Nothing wrong with that, if they acknowledged what I've done, but that doesn't happen very often, and when it does I can count them on one hand, so it comes off as empty, meaningless.

    Naturally, this does not correlate well with my naturally being angry. And it is another reason I think it'd be easier not to be around, or at least, have been born to somebody else. But, you know, if that had happened, I wouldn't be who I am, and despite the frustrating elements that dictate moments in my life, there is a certain sense of perception and insight I doubt would come from elsewhere, in other circumstances.

    I don't expect parents to be perfect, they're human after all, but when you don't get shown proper affection as a young child, it fucks you up. You have an early example of what humanity is capable of, so you assume the worst, and you become the worst. While my parents could have beaten me or denied me basic needs, they didn't when it came to food or clothing, but in terms of nurturing and emotion, they left me starved. So, I can be thankful for that, but it's like appreciating somebody sawing off your pinky instead of your thumb -- it still sucks.

    Coming into the world knowing, if a parent can't show you healthy expressions of love, then you should not expect anybody else to, is a deep root to the tree that is my soul. It feeds me, with sustaining poison, but that toxin is why I'm so remarkable at handling such situations, because an immunity to that which one lacks, is easier than to want but never receive.

    But removing that root, while a process, is necessary. Though the tree will wither then die, there is hope a new seed, a new life, can begin to grow anew.

    No worries, this is just reflecting. While humbled, I wouldn't say I'm depressed or in anguish. Just... brooding.
     
    #7427 Kaiser, Mar 16, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2015
  8. phoenix89

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    I am not sure if I will be able to come out to my family, at least yet.
     
  9. Browncoat

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    Well I feel f***ing awful.

    To be expected when you've gone multiple days without sleep while constantly working on last minute homework, though, I guess...
     
  10. randomly me

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    I think i'm thinking too much about this one thing.which is normal for me but if something stops me from important things its usually interesting and this isn't.Gruarrrghh.i.hate.my.brain.
     
  11. AwesomGaytheist

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    Boy I really got a good workout yesterday. My whole body aches...
     
  12. Aeolia

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    I feel so empty inside...
     
  13. Hiems

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    Had a hot professor as my lab instructor. He taught us renal dosing for drugs before, and so I was pleasantly surprised to see him come back to teach. I thought he was done lol

    There were girls in my group who kept talking about how cute he was. I wanted to chime in so badly... but I didn't want to out myself to them :frowning2: -sigh-
     
  14. GlindaRose

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    Can I just get this week over with so it can get to Saturday and I can finally see her after 5 months of waiting? Pleaaaase?!?!?!
     
  15. MCairo

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    God he's so sweet I'm gonna die when I see him in person again!
     
  16. CrazyAwkward

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    Life is stressing me out. In order to get to the class I'm hoping to take next year I'll need to get a new car, because even a little delay on one of the buses would cause a big problem, and I don't trust my car to handle long distances. I need a new car anyway, but I was hoping to put off spending that kind of money for another year or two. And considering this course (if I get accepted) costs about as much as a decent used car, and I'll have to pay for a hotel for one weekend every month for a year, my savings are going to take a big hit. I've worked so hard to save up so I could eventually move, but if I'm going to afford to live in or around the city I'm going to need the kind of well paying job this course would open up for me. If I can work close to 50 hours a week this summer that would make things a little easier, but it's still going to be difficult to make everything work. I guess it'll be worth it in the long run though...

    And apparently my dad gave my number to some guy who's going to call me about putting money into a retirement fund. Which is something I should start thinking about, but fucking ask me before you do shit like that. I haven't looked into this sort of thing enough to even know what questions to ask this guy, and I have too much on my mind to get into that right now. Something he'd know if he bothered to talk to me first. And no, dad, I'm not calling you. I'm so mad I wouldn't even be able to form a coherent sentence.
     
  17. Miles16

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    I answer a question plainly with a simple statement of fact, an "I don't know that, it's not really important at the moment," and somehow the response to my answer is along the lines of "geez, I was just asking," and when I try to explain calmly that the defensiveness they interpreted in my answer was nonexistent, it somehow escalates into me being the bad guy and an indictment of my character and "the kind of person I've become."

    Newsflash: You're only upset because the kind of person I've become is one who no longer has a tolerance for over-dramatization, emotional blackmail, and false judgments of my intentions. If anything, I'm the one who should be indignant that you would assume I have no idea why I'm doing what I'm doing just because I don't know a particular surface detail that won't be relevant until I have that information right in front of me.
     
  18. gravechild

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    Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks!

    Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks!
     
  19. Steam Mecha

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    Mama knows but she don't care
    She's got her worries too
    Seven kids and a phony affair
    And the rent is due
     
  20. GayJay

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    Why aren't I tired. It's 1am and I have to be up for college soon.
    God Jay when are you gonna get yourself together
     
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