What are you thinking?

I just wish it was that simple . I just want some peace when it comes to this.

Thanks Mirko I just hate not having answer; I know it has only been a week since I got really confused about my sexuality. A week is nothing, in the grand scheme of things, It took almost 6 years before I could attempt to on coming to terms with the fact I was bi.

I'm scared of what the outcome might be, if I am gay, I am scared that it ruining things, I'm scared of being a disappointment, scared of messing thing up, scared of ruining all of the plans that everyone has had for me. I was supposed to be a straight woman who gets married, has kids and grandkids and so on. I very maybe ending part of my family line. My brothers of kids, but looks like neither of girls in my family will be. I feel like a letdown because of that. I feel like a failure, because if I am gay, I will not a have my own biological family.

 

I just realized...I'm really glad I didn't end up going to the local Catholic high school.

That would not have been a fun journey.

 

I feel so relaxed right now.

 

My stomach... I thought I had a really tough stomach.

 

This is the part of my life where I wish I had my drivers license. I know that it's good to walk everywhere but sometimes I can't get to a bus route or afford a taxi. Plus, the taxi drivers in my city are dicks, they'll take a long route to a destination just to get a little more money but insist that it's the quickest and best way to get around.

 

It's a sad day when you are forced out of your campus LGBT group because you helped start a transgender group that took some of their membership. The reason that we took some of their membership is because they are so misinformed on transgender topics, and when we tried to approach them about it, they claimed we were overstepping.

Why can't two groups aimed at 2 different parts of the LGBT community get along?

 

Brad, many LGB people do not understand the issue trans. people face. The subject of a trans. woman came up among our men's group(which is entirely cis). Improper pronouns were used, and my comment about the dysphoria that many of you all face was ignored. I also remember one person complaining several months ago that our demographic check sheet where we check in says, "cisgender, transgender, GQ etc." The one man said, "Why does everything have to be so politically correct these days?"

 

Hopefully I don't feel so tired tomorrow.

 

Can't sleep, Yay for me..

 

Company from this side of the world! Finally!

 

I'm pretty happy right now.

While it's pretty apparent at the moment, J and I will only remain friends, there's a very soothing comfort in knowing, somebody actually wants to be close to me. It doesn't exactly give me a fairy tale happy ending, but it does give me hope, and that is just as important.

Cuddles are incredible. Of course, last night would only be my third time cuddling, so it may still be a newly euphoric thing. Still, there is power in being held and holding someone, because it can temporarily make you forget about the hardships of life. But more importantly, it reminds me, that I can be lovable and that I have value.

Class is in a few hours. Hopefully, today is at least half as good as yesterday. Here's to hoping~!

 

Cuddles are amazing Kaiser. That's right, amazing (exactly that word). Sex is good, it can be mindblowing at times, but for me it doesn't and never will hold the same power as a damn good hug and cuddle.

We fill people with anti-depressants and put them through hours of therapy, when all they really want and need is to be held by another human being. How blinkered we are sometimes.

 

That is so beautiful and so true! =)

 

:***: tradesmen. Why are they so incapable of completing a job for the price quoted?

"I'm sorry Mr ****, but we've found an issue and it's going to cost an extra £450.00 on top of the £1850.00".

The fuck it is! What happened to the prior conversation we had about money definitely being an object and no nasty surprises?

 

Wow Patrick, £450.00 is quite a lot extra!! =o Do you have a formal agreement that makes it able for you to not pay it?

 

There is no formal agreement, but I reminded him of the conversation we had and may have used an impolite word or two in the process. This is going to test my patience.

 

Best part of going to campus for only one class on MWF? I can come back home and nap.

---------- Post added 26th Jan 2015 at 08:03 AM ----------

You've got this hon. <333

 

Turns out that I have to remake a new gaming idea. My current gaming idea sounds too cliche.

 

Ugh, I hate the clean-shaven, buzzcut look on guys. Especially if they're meatheads on top of it.