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What are some ways people have invalidated your sexuality or gender?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Tre, Jan 18, 2017.

  1. Tre

    Tre
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    - You're so feminine
    - It's normal for girls to be curious.
    - It's just a phase
    - I think you're bisexual
    - Sexuality is fluid. I knew a lesbian who ended up dating a man.
    - You shouldn't label yourself.
    - You don't like men or women. You just like people.
    - I think you should give men a try.
    - You should be more open minded.
     
  2. Creativemind

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    So, so, so many things.

    - Sexuality is fluid (why do they only say this to lesbians? Why don't straight men need the right dick?)
    - Everyone is a little bit bi.
    - Women are just curious.
    - There's no such thing as a kinsey 0 or 6.
    - You need to try dick.
    - You're still a virgin until you sleep with men (not total invalidation, but still pushing heterosexuality as valid)
    - You have a low sex drive? You don't drool over strangers? You don't like lesbian porn? Are you sure you're not asexual?
    - Gay people are all sex obsessed horndogs (invalidating because I'm actually sexually conservative)
    - You write hetero fiction (and I also write murder fiction. Does that make me a murderer)
    - You don't hate men, how can you be gay?
     
  3. bookreader

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    Wow I never heard any of this stuff said towards me.
    I swear, the "you need to try dick" line irks me. And "you haven't found any good dick" Like, what is that supposed to mean?
     
  4. kibou97

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    The only thing I've heard is apparently one of my Mom's coworkers (they all know I'm gay) said I'd probably like girls if I just tried to have sex with one to my Mom which I was somewhat annoyed by.
     
  5. AgenderMoose

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    -"You won't know until you try" (in reference to sex)
    -"You'll try it eventually" (again, in reference to sex)
    -"You have a vagina, you're a girl."
    -"'They' isn't a singular pronoun. You're only one person."
    -"I'm never gonna use they/them for you. I've known you for so long and I've been so used to calling you she/her that I'm gonna keep using that."
    -"That's not even a thing."

    Also, to loop around, I had two characters in d&d that used they/them pronouns. Here are some things I got with those:
    -DM constantly calling my character "he", "she", "boy", "girl"
    -DM having to ask me if my character had a penis, and even asking me at one point if the reason they were "feminine" was because they were a eunuch or something.
    -With a dream/fear sequence that happened, DM even trying to be derogatory by calling my character female, to which they replied "I-i'm not a girl" and as a response they got "Well, you act like a little bitch" or something along those lines. This one might not necessarily be invalidating as a whole, but...it's not nice.
    -Being requested "When we do the next campaign...please don't make a character like this one. I mean with the whole they/them thing."
    -For my second nonbinary character (who was in a campaign with a different DM), when I was discussing them to a friend (hilariously enough, the DM from the last few things), I was asked "boy or girl?" and I said "neither", to which I received a frustrated sigh and then rather loudly (mind you, we were talking in seminar back in high school. A homeroom study hall-ish class) "Does it have a penis or a vagina?"
     
  6. Andrew99

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    - You could still be straight when you're older.
    - You don't like shopping?!
    - You are so feminine.
     
  7. Shadowgirl37

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    Even though I'm 14 I have been told "you just haven't had the right dick yet". Ya no thanks
     
  8. Matto_Corvo

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    -you're to feminine to be a guy
    -just confused
    -just depressed
    -constantly saying "well you have the dame parts so I can change in front of you, I can walk in while you're showering, you can take care of me when I get sick and old but your brother can't because they wouldn't be comfortable with it" (and what the hell makes you think I am comfortable with it?)
    -refusal to use pronouns and name
     
  9. Blackrainbow

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    -"You're too young to know for sure."
    -"People experiment a lot these days."
    -"But you're so feminine!"
    -"I just think you and him would be so good together."
    -"If that's how you really feel, I think you shouldn't you know, advertise it."
     
  10. Nanodae

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    But you don't look like one
    You can't be, I've seen lesbians and you definitely aren't one
    How can you know if you've not been with a woman?
    Sorry, I don't agree with it
    I think you've chosen to be like this
     
  11. Embi

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    "When you marry a man/have a husband..."
    "Isn't there any guy you are interested in?"
    "Bisexuality isn't real."
    "You are just a straight girl pretending so that guys will be interested."
    "If you choose a man, you aren't part of the community anymore."
    "You are going to/more likely to cheat."
    "How can you know if you haven't been with a guy?"
     
  12. sonnolento

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    People telling me I need to wear girls clothing because I am a girl.

    Yes I'm dfab but people need to respect my choices.
     
  13. Creativemind

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    Wow....what?? My Mom and I are cis and we don't even wear "girls clothing". We rarely get comments on it either. Just sounds like ignorance.
     
  14. Cailan

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    "Non-binary identities is pseudoscience. Gender is binary, like sex."
    "You can't have gender issues if you have a female side that matches your body."
     
  15. RainbowGreen

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    Here are some really inappropriate things my family and/or psychologist said to me:

    ''We don't have to call you by that name until it's legally changed''
    ''Why did you choose THAT name? It's stupid''
    ''If you say you're a boy and you liked a boy, it's as if you were gay'' (Like, duh)

    ''You're overreacting. Getting misgendered is not that bad.''
    ''Don't lash out on them. It's not their fault you're like that''
    ''Maybe she has a problem with people like you? Don't be too hard on her''

    And then for the guy who blackmailed me:

    ''So you're really a girl?''
    ''Ha ha, if a guy ever marries you, he'll want you to wear a dress because you're still female''
    ''Birth name''

    Lol, and then people wonder why I like to be stealth. If no one knows, no once can make any stupid comments like that.
     
  16. AuroraBorealis

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    - My mom making comments how I might find a nice boy one day.
    - My siblings only acknowledging my homosexuality to tease me, but when it's time to be serious they expect me to like men.
    - "Oh I think she's just bi...she'll find a guy and marry him one day"
     
  17. guywholikescats

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    - "I've never noticed anything about you that could mean that you're a guy"
    - "Lots of autistic girls think that they should be boys"
    - "Maybe you'll decide to be a real boy one day, but until that, we'll treat you as a girl"
    - "You're probably just confused"
    - "You think you're pansexual now, but when you grow older, you could realize you're wrong"
     
  18. Assassin'sKat

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    Before I knew I was a lesbian, my dad once said, "Lesbian sex doesn't count. You don't lose your virginity until you've been penetrated."
    Like...what? Like of course lesbian sex counts. What? Are lesbians who never try to be with a man just virgins forever? My dad is so stupid.
     
  19. Canterpiece

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    "Are you sure it isn't a phase?"

    "Don't knock it until you try it"

    "Yeah, but you're a lesbo so your opinion on things doesn't matter"

    "I don't think you're gay anyway, I think you're bi".

    "Well it's not like she counts as a girl"

    "So if you don't hate gay men, how can you be a lesbian?" (...Just, I have so many questions for this one...:confused:).

    "But you don't have short hair" (Thanks for the observation).

    "Lesbians aren't real"

    (Before we had same-sex marriage legalised in the England, my friend made this comment)

    "I think they should marry and all, but outside of the church in a smaller, cosier building next to it, that's like a mini church on its own but just less impressive looking than the big ones".

    Yeah, let's build churches just for gay people, spend less effort on them, and give them a sub-standard service and you know, while we're at it let's have separate water fountains and toilets. Sound familiar much? :dry:
     
  20. Justinian20

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    For me, I've only been invalidated by family,

    Basically like this

    "You can't be gay"
    "It's impossible you don't have the "gay" gene, we even checked."
    "There was a girl who thought she was a lesbian and ended up married to a man." (invalidating my thoughts by using an example of a woman who questioned her sexuality and perhaps realized she was Bisexual).
    "Have you ever been with a woman, you should try it to be sure."

    All of this invalidates what I went through when I questioned myself. Like does she really think I wasn't asking these questions while I was questioning my sexuality.