1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

What are some strategies you have for regaining confidence

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Just Jess, Dec 22, 2015.

  1. Just Jess

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2013
    Messages:
    1,237
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denver
    So as far as the concept of passing, I don't do it for validation. I don't need other people's opinions and ideas to tell me who I am, I know who I am. Passing is and always has been about the fact that I frequently live in shitty parts of town, and frequently ride busses. No amount of self help bullshit that I can google is going to get me around those very real problems. I know it's never intentional, but neither I nor any trans woman needs to be made to feel like shit, or like she should just accept herself better (tm), if she cares about passing. Passing is yet another thing I put up with in order to be who I am. Being who I am is worth it, and I'm definitely not going back to the shit show that the closet was, so if there's any advice in this thread, it had better be geared toward helping me and other people like me get back on our feet and start passing again. Yes, that sounds bitter and defensive. You have google and dozens upon dozens of search hits in dozens upon dozens of blogs online to thank for that. I'd apologize, but I don't think it's my place to apologize for the entire internet.

    So.

    I've recently had a few experiences, where I've felt that in terms of passing, in spite of the fact that my body does not produce androgens, and I'm taking additional estrogen, I've backslid. I've had periods of time where I've appeared less feminine than I have in the past. I have a tiny handful of sources that I can trust to be objective, and those sources are largely confirming my fears. And I had, honestly, not that bad an experience on the bus home? "What is you" and a bunch of laughs, so yeah, I wasn't passing. Obviously I arrived safe and sound? But I'm worried my experiences will get worse.

    So when you feel like giving up, what are some things you do to get back on the horse and ride? Especially when you're not sure you can get to point B? I know things won't get better if I give up, but moving forward when I'm not even sure how, and I just have to try a whole lot of things hoping a few will work, is really hard.

    This morning I got up early and I'm going easy on myself. I'm going to put on some feel good music. Make a proper breakfast. Take my time with my make up. I cut my bangs correctly, and that felt way awesome, the first time I tried it was a disaster and I'm so much happier this time. I'm going to take a deep breath, and go to work, in a couple hours.

    I'm not going to go in drunk. That's something I only do on Saturday or with friends. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to.
     
  2. Secrets5

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,964
    Likes Received:
    77
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I gain confidence when shopping in a charity store and it's hard to tell which are male and which are female clothing so nobody stares at me weird [or hardly anyone]. I also gain confidence when watching Mary Poppins or Sound of Music and I can talk about how much I love Mary Poppins and Maria Von Trapp [same person in RL]. Can't wait to watch Victor/Victoria ... if I find it in a charity store. :slight_smile: