I don’t know what I am. Biologically I’m female, but I’ve never really understood what that meant. As a child I was a tomboy, and had a preference for wearing boys’ clothes, not because I felt particularly masculine, but because they were more comfortable, less flamboyant and complicated, and suited my sense of style better. I’m in my mid-twenties now and have never liked or worn makeup. I don’t think it looks good on me, and have no patience for the amount of time it takes to put on. I couldn’t tell you the difference between eyeshadow and eyeliner. I don’t think I’m male, because the notion just doesn’t resonate with me. I like the way people treat me as a female (i.e more “softly” than they would if I looked male), and on the rare occasions that I have to dress up for things, I like putting on a nice dress and being told I look pretty. Since I was a teenager, I’ve asked people what it feels like to be their gender, and no one has been able to tell me, so I can’t identify if I’m missing some attribute that defines one gender or another internally for people. I prefer she/her pronouns because he/him feels wrong to me, and they/their feels too anonymous and like I’ve been stripped of my individuality. It’s not a massive issue in my life, but on several occasions I’ve wished I could, and expressed a desire to, remove my breasts. I find them pointless and in the way, and I cannot stand wearing bras for sensory reasons. I prefer having a vagina over a penis though, because it’s unobtrusive and has a more “streamlined” effect on body shape. How can I know if I’m a gender/gender neutral, or just a tomboy female? Does it even especially matter, and how can I explore ways of expressing my gender once I find it? I’m a little overwhelmed because I’m already aromantic asexual, which my family doesn’t take seriously and thinks is a bit of a joke, and I’ve been diagnosed with autism, anxiety, depression and PTSD, and I don’t know what effect, if any, mental health has on determining one’s own gender. Sorry this got so long, it’s just frustrating and confusing not knowing something about myself that should be fundamental.