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Went to a gay bar and grill

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by dreamingfreely, Jun 27, 2017.

  1. dreamingfreely

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    So I drove from Springfield to Arlington to Freddie's Bar and Grill. I got there an hour and half too early because it was not open yet, it opened at 4pm, so I decided to walk around the neighborhood and look at the houses. I found a little park and just sat at a bench just enjoying the scenery and myself. Then as I was walking back there was a downpour. I made it to my car and dried off for 20 minutes. I waited until I saw someone else go in to the bar as the first customer before I ran in as well. It was way smaller than I thought it would be. At opening time there were only 3 other customers so I sat at the bar off to myself. Freddie came out and talked to me for a long time, he is a really nice guy, and then I had a long conversation with the bar tender. I really wanted to be super social but I haven't felt that way for a couple of days. I really had to make an effort to carry conversations with them and it was all my fault lol. I had a beer and a really good club sandwich then I asked for a soda because I was feeling very tired. I found myself feeling a little bit nervous, but I think that would be the case in any bar (it is not really my scene). Freddie has a pretty big Barbie collection on display, which I thought was cool even though I was never into girl toys growing up. He said he has the only gay bar in Virginia, which is what I noticed online. I wish I could have stayed longer but I honestly didn't see myself being able to drink a second beer since I am so exhausted. Freddie invited me to go back tomorrow night for bingo and drag queens, but I don't think I can make it until 8pm (I feel old). I might go back for happy hour 1/2 price burgers tomorrow night though. Hopefully I will be better at being social. I just always feel so uncomfortable in social settings. Anyways I accomplished what I wanted, which was just go hang out in a non-judgemental place. The only problem is that my husband would have been so mad if he found out. He would be upset just at me saying I drove to Arlington, he doesn't want me to go anywhere. No sight seeing because he said he is jealous that he doesn't get to see the monuments and because he gets so scared that I might go somewhere and get hurt. He would be happy if I sat in my hotel the whole time. He would be pissed at me for going to a bar and beyond himself if he knew it was gay like I was going only to hook up or something.
     
    #1 dreamingfreely, Jun 27, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2017
  2. Really

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    Good for you for going! I think we need to take whatever opportunities arise whenever they do. Otherwise, how else are we going to move forward and get comfortable with all parts of ourselves? And because a component of our being is LGBT, that means we need to have LGBT experiences, whatever form they come in. And hanging around other LGBT people is hardly extreme behaviour.

    And if you're not hurting anyone or committing a crime, nobody can tell you what you can and cannot do. Your husband sounds kind of controlling. Or untrusting. Either way, he'll have to work things out because you're an adult and don't need a minder.
     
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  3. dreamingfreely

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    My husband has referred to himself as a helicopter/soccer mom in regard to our children when I told him he was being too controlling. It sucks more when he does it to me but I think he is a bit worried that I will find someone else now that I told him I am bi. The thing is why would I tell him if that was the case because I could just go out with females and he would not even be the wiser. But I think if he doesn't stop trying to be controlling in this matter it might bite him later. I don't respond well to people telling me what I can and cannot do. I just hate to feel like what I am doing is wrong when there are no wrong intentions. Anyways it was a nice relaxed atmosphere and the people were great. It felt like a safe place to be to me. I cannot explain it but I have a strong need to be around LGBT people right now but it is hard for him to accept that. He feels like I am moving full speed a head to leaving him. He says that I am cute and that even if I was not looking for someone that they would be looking for me lol I don't see any of that but okay. I told him that could happen anywhere if it was going to happen. Oh and he thinks it's all like the L Word and everyone is a predator or something. As far as I have seen people respect that you are in a relationship but I am sure that is not 100% like anything. I have been having the worst time trying to make myself be social this week (I am usually pretty good and say hi to everyone) also it has almost been impossible for me to make eye contact with anyone this week. I dunno if it is because my coworker said that no one in DC made eye contact or wanted to talk to a stranger, but that is not the case in VA. Everyone here no matter where I go say good morning or hi and I am struggling to even look at them. My hope is that it is because I hate travel and was stressed that things would not work out the way they needed to, but so far everything is going perfect.
     
  4. Really

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    Ok. He needs to get a grip. That isn't healthy. You need to just keep moving forward with your plans to integrate with the LGBT community. No matter how cute you are and how many people hit on you, you are in charge of whether you act on it or not and a little trust would be nice. (Can you tell I'm ticked off on your behalf? Haha.)

    Eye contact is a hard one. People here are pretty cold so I actually use it to ID the gay women. I figure straight women have no interest in being nice to other women. Haha. I can dream, right?

    The opposite is weird, too. I was in an American town once where everybody said hi to everybody and even waved at each other from inside their cars! It was so confusing. I was with someone who used to live there and I asked if she knew these people. She didn't! :grin:

    Anyway, I'm glad things are going well. Let us know how burger time goes. :]
     
  5. dreamingfreely

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    Lol I can tell, thanks. He has always been jealous but it is a bit worse now. I guess I could understand I might have problems if he told me he liked guys, but I never told him I had to go out and be with a woman. All I wanted to do was acknowledge my same sex feelings as something that is a part of me and that it is okay. For me that would be like him looking at a woman and thinking she was attractive or me looking at a man thinking the same. I don't get what the big deal is really. I have been digging deep into LGBT everything but I think just because I want to know everything about the culture plus for my daughter (who still wont tell him she is gay because she doesn't want to deal with how he will act like not letting her have sleep overs but would be okay with her being gay I think). He can smother sometimes but does love us. He is very emotional and I am not at all, he is sensitive and I am meh not sypathetic

    Sometimes I am fine with eye contact and then I cannot make it with anyone even my family. I think it is a way of me saying leave me alone lol. I was able to make eye contact and talk to the men at the bar but the only woman that talked to me was the seater/bouncer and I couldn't even look at her or almost talk to her for some reason. I think the men I knew were safe and everyone else made me nervous lol I know strange reaction. Oh I am a slightly uptight person as well. The seater was a very flurty butch woman that kept calling everyone baby or honey. She was pretty but I had trouble interacting with her until right when I was leaving when I asked her if it was still raining because I didn't want to repeat the wet t-shirt contest I was having when I walked in (I know stupid nervous thing to say to try to be social). I wasn't attracted to her btw. My thought is that I am not fully comfortable with myself yet. I dunno.
     
    #5 dreamingfreely, Jun 27, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2017
  6. Really

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    I'm also not great with eye contact but I'm trying. I can have conversations with people I know and am totally comfortable with and then walk away and think, "I didn't look them in the eye once!" I'm sure people think I'm an oddball. Haha. Good thing I don't care.

    I think the more you're around gay/bi women, the easier things will be. I'm by no means a social person but the last time, which was only my second time, I went to the lesbian meetup here, I found it quite easy to be "normal". ;} It helped that it was a medium small group and we weren't just sitting around talking. We were playing board games so the attention was split between the game and the conversation.

    Are there any LGBT walking or other activity groups in your area that you (and your daughter, if that's something that appeals) could go to together? There's no reason the two of you couldn't take up tai chi or something together. You'd just happen to be doing it with some LGBT-ers. ;}
     
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  7. dreamingfreely

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    I think I am just a boring person and I have a hard time keeping a conversation going unless I know the person. At work sometimes I cannot shut up lol but put me in a large group or with people I don't know well and you would wonder if I could talk at all. I am super reserved as well, my new co-workers confessed that they thought I was stuck up when they first met me lol but now they see I can joke around and that they do not have to watch themselves around me. I am going to try to go back to the bar today for dinner, but geez traffic coming back to the hotel was horrible. Also I have been fighting severe exhaustion that once it hits me leaves me wiped out (trying to be social is not easy as well as trying to drive is not easy). I am working with my doctor for this she is blaming it on my anemia and has me taking 3 iron pills a day, which does help a little. I have also been trying to exercise to get in better shape for that to help but once the energy is gone it is gone lol. Today should be better because I only expect having to work about 3 hours today.

    I want to go to more LGBT outings that are not at bars because that is really not where I am comfortable. I am going to a festival call "She Fest" on the 8th with my daughter and maybe my husband if he feels up to it. My daughter was so very excited to go but when I told my husband he got all sad saying that I was going to so many LGBT things and that it was like all I thought of. I had been to one that he knows of and another at the fair lol lots of things for sure P. I was talking to him about going to Pride but he is dead set on our daughter not going because he believes there will be nudity i.e men in chaps. I did go online and find out that there are several meet up groups at the LGBT services center in Hillcrest, which is about 30 mins from where I live but they are during the week. My daughter didn't seem to interested and I would honestly have a hard time making it after work. I do think it would be cool on the weekend to do tai chi in the park or something. I will have to look and see if there is anything like that.
     
  8. dreamingfreely

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    Getting ready to go back to Freddies. I will be there early again but that is fine with me I don't think I could make it until 8pm. I got to wake up and get to the airport in the morning so don't want to have too much fun anyways but burgers sound great right now. I am going to be sad next week when I do weigh in for Weight Watchers lol French fries everyday.
     
  9. Really

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    I hope you're having fun. You're probably there already, right? :slight_smile:

    I think you should find some regular activity to do when you get home. If there isn't an LGBT meetup near you, is there an LGBT centre? Maybe they hold activities. You could contact them to see and maybe ask specifically if they ever do tai chi or some other "sport" you'd like to do. It might spur them on to organizing it. :wink: Or even just some activity at a community centre that is in the gay neighbourhood.

    Oh! Is there a gay weight watchers group?! Haha. I've got a million ideas. :wink:
     
  10. dreamingfreely

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    It was not as fun as yesterday but the food was great and I had a hamburger, french fries, a beer, and two sodas for $12. There were a little more people this time but they all came with people so they didnt need to talk to strangers lol. My friend emailed me back and forth almost the whole time. She wanted to talk about work and stuff. She keeps trying to prove she likes her new job but I think she misses working with me. I didn't feel as nervous being there this time I noticed the greeter kept walking by smiling at me and looking at me, but she works there so it is her job to be nice. Oh then my school mentor called me even though I told her I would be out of town and we should skip this week, that was an interesting call lol honest I have been too busy to do school work this week (while loud music plays in the background and the couple next to me are ordering drinks lol). I felt so bad I came back to the hotel and did a bit of school work then stopped because it is on Excel and how boring is that. But it was nice to get out and see real people since I have not had much interaction this week because the only person I knew here went on vacation early and I was doing computer self paced learning. Also I got to prove to prove my husband wrong even though he will not know about it that I can behave myself. I still cant believe his comment for me wanting to go to LGBT functions was why would I put myself in that situation since I like girls hello there are girls all over everywhere I go not a problem. Anyways I am glad to be going home tomorrow I miss my family. I was so bored I went to 4 parks and 1 library while I have been here.

    I am not that into sports but I will see what they have going on for weekend stuff since that is really the only time I have. Work plus school and regular life is already so much. Hey I wish they had a gay weight watchers that would be fun. Instead I go to an at work meeting noting of note to see there except this cute girl named Sam that was going and had looked very hot when she lost weight (a girl can notice lol). She recently told me that her husband told her she should start going again men lol. But looking forward to the the She fest coming up in a week and a half. I am secretly hoping my husband doesn't feel like coming since he will just complain and want to leave early. Well I better get some sleep.