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wearing women's clothes

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Alisa Arwen, Oct 13, 2014.

  1. Lazuri

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    I've never had the opportunity. Through the years I've tried to teach myself both guitar and the piano, but every time I had something else show up to distract me. I'm not so interested in guitar anymore, but I really wish I could play the piano along with violin and the erhu. God, the erhu makes the most beautiful sound in the world but finding one in the west let alone a teacher is not the easiest thing. One day maybe I'll be able to learn at least one of those three.

    Huh, I think you just described my fiancée's best friend. Like, to the letter excepting that she doesn't wear a lot of dresses. She's really pretty, so I can see where you come from.

    And sure, I don't mind keeping in touch. I love making new friends.
     
  2. Alisa Arwen

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    I'm currently teaching myself guitar. I dabble in mandolin too.
    My main instrument is the dobro - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yM69K4E48Ns

    I'll look up thatinstrument...I haven't heard of it before.

    She sounds great. I'd happily go for that look and style.

    But how do I experiment when my family are unaware? :\

    I even have hassle if I have been growing my hair for more than a couple of months at once.
     
    #62 Alisa Arwen, Jan 9, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2015
  3. Lazuri

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    Never heard of a dobro before, but I recognize that sound.

    I think most people would call an erhu a "chinese violin."

    Yeah, experimenting at home can be difficult. A lot of people have a friend or two who is okay with it with whom they can experiment, that way they can have "sanctuary." I'd say your partner is a good sanctuary but... it's a bit far. I was lucky to move about a month after I accepted I was trans, so I didn't have to experience it a lot. Not at all, actually, since I had more pressing matters on my mind during the month I lived at home.
     
  4. Alisa Arwen

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    I think I probably have heard them actually.

    I might have someone who might be ok with it, but I don't know. Most of friends live a distance away. There's one or two who I think who would but it's not feasible.

    The other issue is not being happy with myself in general, and maybe I am viewing gender as just something else I dislike about myself. I wouldn't say I am self-loathing, but I have my moments.
     
  5. Alisa Arwen

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    Any thoughts?
     
  6. Alisa Arwen

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    And what are the health risks of hormonal treatment?
     
  7. Lazuri

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    Sounds like a confidence issue, which I'm afraid I'm not actually that good at. Despite crippling dysphoria, I always kinda thought I was great. I just think that if I was a woman I'd be magnificent.

    Which is great for me, but I have a hard time giving advice on the subject because I can't relate all too much. My fiancée has big confidence issues and when I try to give her advice I just make her mad instead, so these days I just hug her, pat her on the head and say she's doing great.

    There are some, but they seem to be somewhat specific from person to person. Looks more like hormone treatment has a chance of bringing out already existing health risks rather than creating new ones. I could be wrong, though, I haven't looked all too much on the negative effects of hormones as that would probably make me paranoid of something bad happening to me.
     
  8. Alisa Arwen

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    Quite wise not to try to advise on such things. I am sure you are magnificent by the way.

    My fiancée and I are both a bit low on the self esteem front for various reasons. For me it probably goes a lot to being bullied and excluded a lot as a child, but maybe also the pressures of having to conform...

    Would things like heart disease or diabetes be risk factors?

    And you really are an owl, aren't you? My fiancée is still up too...I should send her to bed soon, though I think she's more interested in the skype chat and her cat :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  9. Lazuri

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    Bullying does that a lot. I was bullied too when I was 13-15, but all it really did was making me feel like I was better than they are. I had friends though and one friend who went in the same class as I did was bullied to. One day his bully tried to go physical and we ended up beating the shit out of him. After that everybody left us alone.

    My fiancée was bullied too and, well, she ended up differently. She said she used to feel like me, like she was better than her bullies. Then somewhere during her teens everything just turned upside down on her. Probably when her dad left.

    There was something, I think. But I think one should go through a doctor since it's important to monitor one's hormone levels while going through it and I'm pretty sure that if they think you're at risk, they'll object.

    I'm like.... Not even tired.
     
  10. Alisa Arwen

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    My bullying varied a lot over the years. The worst part was when they told me something that I knew was untrue, but they broke my will and I believed them.

    I suspect my partner isn't tired. We had a late night. She's really struggling with missing me so we stayed up until after 4am (her time) chatting (I stayed for just over a month and came back to the UK just a few days ago).

    How do you get enough sleep with a young child and being an owl :O ?

    We struggle enough with the bloody cat!!

    So when did you first 'out' (for want of a better term) your gender?
     
  11. Lazuri

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    Well, my son isn't with me when I'm at my parents and while I'm home, well, I don't. I just can't sleep until like 2-3AM.

    I started outing myself pretty much immediately. As soon as I started thinking about it I told my fiancée "y'know, I think I just might be trans." Then I had a few days to mull it over and said "Yeah, I'm trans." After that I started telling my friends and everybody knew within a month except for family.

    Then again, I pretty much knew exactly where I had everybody. The two people that it took me longest to tell were my two oldest friends. I knew they'd accept me, but it I was still nervous because I had known them for so long. I wasted my time telling them though since both of them basically said "called it." Seems everybody already figured it out save for my family. Denial, I suppose.
     
  12. Alisa Arwen

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    How aware are your family now? Denial?

    That's a pretty huge thing. Your fiancée is amazing to accept that. :slight_smile:

    And your friends are supportive?

    Do you mind me asking your age, roughly?
     
  13. Lazuri

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    Apparently. Else my dad would've said something.

    My fiancee is bisexual with a massive leaning towards women. If anything, the news that I wanted to transition only made her happy.

    My friends are all supportive. Some of them actively help me, others show their support by treating me the way they always did. I'm sure they're all happy for me though.

    I turned 22 last November.
     
  14. Alisa Arwen

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    I think most of my friends would be ok with it. Some would be extremely supportive. One or two might still treat me as a guy in most ways. But that's not necessarily a bad thing I guess, so long as they don't disagree with my choices or reject me.

    My partner too has a leaning towards women. I guess I must have made a great impression for her to choose to be with anyone, especially a guy - even one who is a little feminine and questions his gender :slight_smile:

    Anyway Abigail, I am really happy that things have turned out as well as they have.

    I'll have to say good night now! Talk soon I hope.

    All the best,

    L (first initial of my real name :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)

    first initial...that makes no sense. Sleep time.
     
  15. Alisa Arwen

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    Morning! How are you today?

    Just been having a long conversation with my grandmother about values in society...makes me wonder what her values and thoughts are re trans people. I am sure that even if they weren't the most accepting she'd acknowledge it as a flaw in herself, but still...
     
  16. Alisa Arwen

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    Has anybody here considered being trans as part of some kind of identity crisis only to discover that they were wrong sometime in the future?
     
  17. Lazuri

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    I'm good. I'm at a friend's birthday party.

    Well, a good way to gauge somebody's acceptance is to passively discuss something regarding trans* people. I know, for example, that transsexuals are no longer allowed to drive in Russia, because it's seen as a mental disorder. That's a conversation starter.
     
  18. Alisa Arwen

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    Huh. Yes I suppose that could work.

    Oh, and have a good time
     
    #78 Alisa Arwen, Jan 10, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2015
  19. Alisa Arwen

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    Well I tried discussing the trans issue in Russia with my grandmother. The reaction was more or less what I expected. Not condemnatory at all, but a lack of understanding. When I mentioned it she started talking about intersex babies, and operations on genitalia. I pointed out that not all trans people have operations on their genitalia. Her reaction to that was along the lines of "Then what does that make them?".

    She's not an old fashioned homophobe or transphobic. I really do think it's lack of understanding. She's a very intelligent woman, so I suppose there are positives and negatives to take from this.
     
  20. Lazuri

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    It kinda sounds like she could learn about it, though.