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Watching a mother "script" her possible gay son

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by brainwashed, Oct 22, 2017.

  1. brainwashed

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    At a yard sale yesterday. Met an extended family with young lady who had two sons, age 7 and 5. The 7 year old ran his hands on everything, lightly touching, scanning. It's like he was feeling the texture or "energy" within each innate object he touched. He got to the women's scarves, which were for sale, and went wild. He was holding them up admiring them and if my memory serves me correctly putting one or two around the back of his neck. .

    The mom runs up, grabs the scarves out of his young hands and in a stern voice, says,"your'll a boy". She said "your a boy" a couple time more during my observations.

    That a way mom. Wonder where mom learned her gender norms. They were Hispanic, thus probably Catholic. If my observations and assumptions are correct, lets hum the disco song for which I cannot remember the title - I'm not into disco. "Do a little hate, get down tonight, do a little hate, get down tonight!, da, da, da, da.....get down tonight!"
     
  2. HM03

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    Knowing my parents as they are now, they are surprisingly cool and supportive with all my interests, regardless of "what gender they were for".

    Kinda funny yet sad how something simple like a scarf can be such a big deal to some people.
     
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  3. brainwashed

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    Per my limited observation time, the 7 year old boy was semi effeminate. Mind you I'm not an expert in this area at all.
     
  4. gravechild

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    I'm pretty sure he's aware he's a boy...
     
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  5. brainwashed

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    It was interesting how the mother exhibited her disgust. That was one of two main behavioral traits I picked up on.
     
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  6. looking for me

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    honestly? i can relate, the shaming for a boy to like or enjoy in any way a feminine thing. i hope this kid can keep that spark, and be as fabulous as he wants to be.
     
    #6 looking for me, Oct 23, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2017
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  7. pinkpanther

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    Thb, I kinda understand the kid, scarves are soft and pretty and gentle and lovely and so welcoming. The first thing that comes to mind when I touch them is to wrap myself in them.
     
  8. brainwashed

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    Oh he had the spark, I saw it on his face. A beautiful human being. I literally could have punched the mom when she scripted him.
     
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  9. brainwashed

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    Thats what he did. Wrap himself in it. Then the mom came along and told him ~"those are scarfs, there for women, your a boy, put them down."

    The BIG CLUE was how the mom said, "your'll a boy" like she was ready for it. Like she's been battling his liking for girl things.

    Where did the mom who was actually quite young, learn the behavior "boy things" and "girl things" Could it be from the Catholic Church?
     
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  10. Mr Medusa

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    I don't necessarily think it's the Catholicism - I'm an ex-Catholic and it depends on how strict their church is but as far as I know strict gender norms aren't as enforced in Catholicism as they are in other religions. It could just be general conservatism, cultural gender norms (you said they were Hispanic) or just societal conditioning in general. It could also be a generational gap.

    But yeah - regardless of whether he's gay or trans or just a kid, she's not going to pray the effeminacy away and it won't do him any good. My 13 year old brother sometimes shows similar mannerisms, mainly hugging people a lot and being physically affectionate, and if anyone pulled that shit with him I'd deck them.

    Also scarves are awesome. Deal with it. lol
     
  11. Naters2000

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    That mother really needs to check it. For one, scarves are incredible, and two, she can't change who her kid is. It just boggles me that people are so ignorant over the smallest things, like scarves. It's just a long piece of fabric that's meant to keep your neck warm. That fact that she is saying that "they are for girls" is just pathetic.

    (I love my scarves. They are so warm and soft!!)
     
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  12. Chiroptera

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    Unfortunately, this isn't uncommon. That's why we need to educate people, straight or LGBT, to better understand what it means to be trans/gay/lesbian/bi, removing misconceptions like the idea that we can choose to be X or Y, or that parents can teach their kids to be straight or not.

    I really believe the world is slowly getting better, so, let's keep up with our fight for equality so we can have a future where cases like this are going to be the exception, not the rule. :slight_smile:
     
  13. Glitters

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    Well, I remember being told similar things throughout my life, even as an adult, but, I think they just might be telling their son that because they think their son doesn't know those items are usually worn by girls.
     
  14. Loves books

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    My dad was always in to girl jobs and boy jobs. I don't remember my mother having an opinion one way or another but for some reasons I always got stuck with barbies while my brother had gameboys and a PlayStation. I don't think any kid should get in a trouble for liking what they like.
     
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  15. Wesley007

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    Yeah i can relate when i bought a bottle of old spice shampoo my mom went ape and was like goddamnit you are a girl a girl does not LIKE MEN THINGS and shouted at me when we got home for 3 hours. :/ my daughter is a freak she wants to be a boy she says other things but i just wanted to vent a little. Sorry.
     
  16. smee

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    Yeesh. What's sad is that that mother thinks that she's doing the right thing.
     
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  17. JaimeGaye

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    The Mother just may might be experiencing her own guilt or shame issues.
    She may very well allow or has allowed him to play with her personal items in the home but the boy is now getting to an age where he himself is beginning to project his personal likes in a public setting and perhaps the young mother did not realize he may be so inclined to do so at his current age and it became a bit unsettling for her to see him doing exactly that.

    I wouldn't be so quick to judge the mother. She may well know her son's inclinations and had yet to realize now might be the time to teach him that in certain settings it might be best to keep his behaviors private and secret to avoid conflict with others.
     
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  18. Jackie Ray

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    If I had a son, who was a skipping fruitcake like myself, I cant say that I'd be thrilled. Life is rough and rougher for queers as we all well know. I think boys should be boys and girl should be girls, at least until their mid-teens. Boys need to learn to socialize properly with other boys and act normal such as it is. They need to develop within their own groups before branching out to become their unique self, they need to learn to do things they may not like. I never socialized with other boys nor was in a group and I suffered for it. The alternative is beatings and being outcast, I got many and I dont recommend it.

    Everyone of us holds back pieces of ourselves to function in daily life, we need to do it to work as adults. Young children have no shame, filters or inhibitions. They will say anything cruel, play cruel jokes, and dont care if they seriously hurt others physically or mentally. Young children are devil monkeys with zero rules. Teens are a little bit better for the most part. Teenage children understand that gaybashing makes you a asshole, and they are learning to be young adults which means treating others with respect. If my boy was like me I'd ask him to wait until he came out, to give his peers a chance to mature.

    His mother is trying to protect him, you cant just let kids do what they want, it hurts them later on. My parents made no attempts to properly socialize me as a child, and now Im learning the basics as man, like reading body language, and pretending to care about what random people have to say, setting boundaries, and other things that make me come off as odd.
     
    #18 Jackie Ray, Feb 15, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
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  19. FinallyOut2015

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    I am just the kind of guy who would tell the kid
    "You need to listen to your mom" *whispering* "but when you get older you can be as fabulous as you want." ;-)
     
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  20. WillowVal

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    I suppose the woman is scared of losing her little boy, in a sense. If he ended up being a girl, then, to her, it would be like taking a piece of her along with it. That’s something she doesn’t want, I guess.
    Of course, I’m not trying to defend the woman and what she did. It isn’t right to limit a child’s view like that at such a young age. But I’m taking a shot in the dark and guessing that’s what’s causing her to act like it on a sub-conscious level.