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Was she flirting or nah?

Discussion in 'Anonymous Support and Advice' started by Anonymous, Sep 13, 2017.

  1. Anonymous

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    This is basically your typical story - I met a girl online, we talked a little, then met up "in the real world" (not dates, just hanging out) twice and I have the biggest crush.

    The second time we met we went to a club together and I can't figure out whether or not she was flirting/hinting at being interested in me because I am very interested and thus biased and over-analysing. Maybe someone has some input on this 'cause I'm useless at this sort of stuff.
    So I know that she's romantically/sexually interested in women and she knows that I am, so there's no confusing anyone for a straight girl.
    We didn't go to the club in a group or anything, it was just the two of us, so naturally when we danced it was in the same general area, you know? We weren't really dancing with each other but she kept the distance between us very small, even when there was enough space around us to take a step back. She smiled at me a lot (which sounds stupid because dancing people have fun and smile, right? but still) and when we sat down for a bit we were sitting really close and she put her head on my shoulder and after a moment sort of looked up at my face from that head-on-my-shoulder position. That seems kinda like interest, right? Because this was only the second time we ever met so we're not good friends or anything and maybe she's just the sort of person who's super comfortable with just resting her head on other people's shoulders but I was freaking out a bit. And it's not like she was super drunk or anything - tipsy at most at that point.

    So, from an outsider's perspective, what does this look like? Btw the club was a gay club if that adds any meaning (?). And I'm putting this in the anonymous section because I'm paranoid.
     
  2. Linning

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    I have a bit of a trouble understanding why those aren't/weren't dates ? Have you discussed those meet-ups being purely "friendly meetups" or you just assume they are?

    You do seem to get along but clubs always tend to create some sort of proximity especially when it's only two people so it's hard to tell. When you talked online was it with the vision to strictly be friends or "dating" was also, always an option?
     
  3. beenthrdonetht

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    It started out sounding good (to me) and then we got to the looking-up part. That's def interest! I guess you still have to figure out how to play your cards though. Good luck!
     
  4. silverhalo

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    All sounds positive to me :slight_smile:
     
  5. YeahpIdk

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    I had a super intense crush on this chick (made me realize I wasn't straight). One day we went on a little trip together by bus. We held hands all day - her idea. Then on the bus ride home, in the dark, we had a moment where we were being silly about her looking at something, and I moved her face away from it. When I did, our eyes met, and I lingered on holding her face for a few seconds. I truly thought we were going to kiss in that moment - and similar things happened a few other times. Months later when I confronted her about these things and my confusion, she said she had no romantic interest in me. I was crushed. Havoc ensued, etc.

    SO, I want to say that it sounds like she's interested. I think under normal circumstances (mine seemed really manipulative and confusing in the end), being really touchy feely is being interested. I also think it's a little tough with women...we're taught to be intimate, even with friends, and I imagine that can extend into same sex romantic tendencied women who are friends. But I do find it a bit confusing still.

    Your strength is in your awareness that you're biased because of your attraction to her. I wish I had that way back when, lol. I would keep hanging out and see where it leads. If it starts to feel like more than friendship, it's probably because it is. But there's always a chance that she's just flirty/intimate in friendships. I guess I'd say to be prepared to talk about it at some point if you continue having feelings for her. It's never healthy to stay in a friendship where you're pinning away.

    You could always start to get a little flirty and see how she reacts.
     
  6. Anonymous

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    OP here.

    Thanks for the replies!
    @Linning: We never really discussed the nature of our meet-ups but they were mostly because we happened to both be new in the same city. So they were definitely not intended as dates but rather as an opportunity to find a friendly person in a new environment.

    @beenthrdonetht & silverhalo: Thanks, I hope you're right! I did feel like the looking-up thing was something but you never know. In that moment I felt like she might want to kiss me but I'm so terrible at reading those signs.

    @YeahpIdk: I'm sorry it didn't work out for you and your crush! I totally get that confusion and the feeling that the other person is interested, and when you find out they aren't it's just awful. I agree that it's tough to figure this stuff out, especially between women, because as you said, it's just kind of socially acceptable for female friends to be a bit touchy feely. So things like this are hard to interpret, but I feel like maybe wlw are a bit more aware of this? I mean, in a friendship between two queer women I feel like we are a bit more conscious of what we do so as to not lead anyone on or make things confusing. I don't know. A friend told me to just ask her out on a date and I realise he has a point but I don't want to weird her out, given that we've only met twice. So I think I'm going to see how our next meet-up goes and then probably make it clear that I'm interested in her as "more than a friend". I'm super nervous about this.