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Was it rape?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Srawrs, Aug 6, 2018.

  1. resu

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    Consent to sexting or dirty talk (or going to dinner after) has nothing to do with consent for the actual physical act of penetration (which in this case was apparently unprotected and risking sexually transmitted infections). Consent can always be withdrawn at any time when one party feels uncomfortable.
     
    #21 resu, Aug 8, 2018
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2018
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  2. smurf

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    I'm struggling to answer because one I have no idea how to make it all feel better OP. It fucking sucks that you are feeling this way. Sadly, due to how our legal system works, there is nothing to do in that sense. Just have to learn how to survive the trauma and not let it shape you. I would highly encourage you to seek counseling.

    So intent and actions are two different things. If I punch you in the face by mistake, even if my intentions were goofy or playing a joke AND even if you understand that, your face is still going to hurt.

    Lets see its all a big misunderstanding and he truly thought that he had consent. It would still be rape. It doesn't matter their "real" intentions. If someone thinks that they get consent because a woman wears a skirt, then its still rape even if the guy think he got "consent".

    It hurts and make you feel dirty because what he did to you is wrong. What he did was awful and should have never happened.

    This is actually not true at all.

    I have had sex with more partners than you can imagine. I have been ]chocked, tied up, spat on, spanked, slapped and the list goes on all with consent. AND STILL those people would check in every so often "Is that too hard?" "Are you okay?" "Are you liking that?". It literally takes less than 10 seconds. If you get turned off by your partner saying "Are you okay?" then you have bigger problems.

    Also, if someone wants to have rough sex then that is something that you talk about before you have sex. If someone wants to not talk to me and just come in and "take me" then they better fucking ask for permission before they knock.

    This is sadly not true. Most rape happens from people that you know and large amount happens from people who you are dating.

    This is the problem. The problem is that people don't understand how consent works because sadly we don't teach it in sex ed.

    I would invite you to think about what makes you not want to stop them. Why do you let them treat you that way?

    That voice in your heads that has been trained to suck up abuse rather than confront usually comes from childhood trauma. This is why affirmative consent is so important for everyone.

    If I'm ever having sex with a guy and they go quiet I immediately check in on them. My first thought is "Lets make sure he is enjoying this and not doing this because he thinks he has to or doesn't want to be rude". I need someone to say "fuck yes, lets do this" before we have sex. That's the only way to get consent from someone.

    I have been in situations when a guy has said "Yeah, sorry I'm no longer into it but I didn't know how to tell you". Then we simply put our clothes on, ordered pizza and watched a movie. And then I tried to help him understand that asking for what you need is okay and necessary.

    Consent is not PC. Consent is the only way to figure out if you are accidentally hurting someone. Getting consent means that you care about someone else's humanity. Its not supposed to be sexy, its supposed to be there to keep everyone from feeling the way you did those 3 times.
     
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  3. tanana

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    You can "technically" all you want - it absolutely was rape... The loser should be prosecuted!
     
  4. tanana

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    You are sadly mistaken - it clearly was rape - - no technically allowed.