Wanting to be outed

I don't think there is an "easy" way. If you want to live a happy and productive life, you're just gonna have to get brave and start telling people. True friends won't care. If you saw my other recent post, I told a couple of my best friends from high school last night (both of them were guys, which made it more difficult because guys tend to care more than girls about this stuff), and they were really supportive. It was hard, and it took a lot of bravery for me to do that, but trust me, it feels so relieving once you finally tell people.

 

Just tell yourself in your head "I can do this.", take a deep breath, and just say it. You are going to be terrified until the moment you decide to do it, and unfortunately, the only way to get rid of being terrified is to just do it. But telling people is the only way to be free. Sorry, but it's the truth.

 

It can be difficult and terrifying to express how you feel, but in the long run, if you decide to never tell people, it will be a lot more difficult holding it in. Sometimes in life, you have to do things that are difficult and scary.

 

Its hard but you I know you can do it

 

OH MY GOD, I thought I was the only person who felt this way. I was even googling this subject earlier. I hope someone will call me on it and I’ll have to admit it and come out. My wife has known for years that I was bi because we used to “play” with others and we both played as bisexual.

It wasn’t until later that the feelings surfaced and I couldn’t take it anymore. I have admitted to myself that I’m gay. I even have feelings from a much younger age that I’m trans. I’m at least a very sissy gay,

I don’t present this way at all. I’m not overly or overcompensatingly masculine but I’m not a “nancy-boy” (I say that with all affection). I’ve dropped hints to her over the years about being gay through. I’ve NEVER let on about the trans issue.

I wish one time she’d catch me looking at gay porn. Or better yet she’d come home early when she’s supposed to be gone and catch me dressed up like a school girl. I wish she’d come to me and say “I’ve known about this”. That way I’d have to finally admit it to her.

I think she may deny it on the gay issue because she’s refused to work and would have no way to support herself without me. I’d move out but I’d be stuck paying for her and me.

I have cheated on her because I cannot hold back my sexual feelings for men. I don’t care if anyone here judges me because I’d bet 1/2 of those who say they haven’t done that actually have, so bully to them. She stopped having sex with me about 6 years ago maybe longer. We had a good sex life before that. So am I supposed to just jack-off all of the time? With the extramarital affairs I’ve even considered having one of those men get me caught. Then I’d have to admit to what I’ve done.

I’m probably way more extreme than you but I need to break this off and less so than being a coward I know it will have to be a dramatic event that ends this. I’ve tried to end the marriage before and she just wouldn’t leave. I think being called-out or caught is my only way out.

 

in our city going to pride has become like any other holiday or secular parade, even staying for the evening events.. almost everyone goes. while having the support of many allies it is also confusing as to who there is in fact trying to signal that they are lgbtqa..

 

This happened with my closest friend. I don't think I consciously wanted someone to "call me out" and I don't think I was dropping hints for that reason. I just don't think I should have to sit people down and make an announcement. It makes it a bigger deal than it really is. Hey, I like women--that's all. I should be able to live my life and talk about things pertaining to my life, and if you figure it out you figure it out. It might be different for a married person, especially if the spouse doesn't want it out there. But for me, it amazes me how many people don't figure it out with me. And I think it would be exhausting to go around announcing it and dropping hints for everyone--it makes me have to constantly think about my sexual orientation and operate based on it, and I'm not going to do that. I have visible markers that I feel control my life and, certainly, my social interactions in this type of way already--like being a woman, to give just one example--and that's really more than enough and nothing that was chosen. It's interesting to me how on this site it seems like it's always guys who think you have to tell people.

I've also called a friend on it a long time ago when she was talking about how she never really likes the guys she dates as much as they like her and how bad she felt about it, and it really seemed like a big moment for her and opened up her life. And I had a co-worker a few years ago who was very natural about it. We were working together one day at a hotel, and a big muscular guy came to check into the hotel. And after the guy left, he started talking about the guy's body...can't remember what he said, but it really left no room for misinterpretation. And it was like "Okay, gotcha." I love stuff like that and definitely would prefer it if we all could come out like that instead of acting like the world's about to end when we do it.

I do have to say, though, that I still don't feel like I can talk to the people who know I'm a lesbian about this. It's not really my style to talk to people about stuff anyway, but it's partially because I have always run into people who are like my closest friend, i.e. when you talk to them they make most of the conversation about them. So, coming out doesn't always equate to "Oh, now I have people to talk to." That's where having LGBT friends is more ideal. When my friend called me out, it was one of the rare times I was actually talking about something that was bothering me (i.e. a woman I was into).

 

Hi big guy45
I did that just wanted for some one to out me . I used to leave silly around the house unintentionally but the wife never picked up on them . But a good 3month ago I was doing work around my brother in-laws
And he asked to use my phone I said yes
Knowing I had web sites saved to my phone for the gay outdoor club an lgbt site
A gay dating site and a hot naked guys

And as he was going through my phone he flipped to a page that had the hot naked guys on . And he said to me what's this hot naked guys on your phone I just said oh yes he then said is that what your into
I said ohh yess he then said really I then bottled it and said no it's just something my mate keeps sending me silly pictures so I send them over to him and that was it
If he had gone to the next page he would have seen the gay sites then I would not have been able to Denie it

But know I don't have to because just recently
I plucked up the courage to tell the wife and daughters that I'm gay . Yes it would have been easier for some one to out me
But you need to find the courage to tell people yourself . I feel so free and relived
To get it of my chest good luck in working it out and keep us informed

Mark

 

Hi biguy45
I'm sure you will get there one day but there is no rush when you are ready and when it feels right for you to out yourself
But you never know someone might out you . Chin up and take care biguy