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Wanting gay friends.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Silver Snow, Oct 24, 2016.

  1. Silver Snow

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    I'm not sure where this post belongs, but I'm tired of looking so I'm going to just leave it here.

    I was at the store the other day at this place I was thinking about getting a job when I noticed this employee who was setting off my gaydar like never before. I mean, I don't like to assume, but it was very obvious in his voice, mannerism, and awesome hair. It hit me at that moment that, I want gay friends. Mostly gay male friends.

    Not because I want fashion advise, or someone to go shopping with. I'm just so sick of feeling alone. Isolated in my own little not-straight world. My only friend is straight and anti-gay. My family besides my sisters is all anti-gay, and says things like "The man who gets you is going to be one lucky guy". I feel like I can't be me around anyone without feeling awkward. I just wish I knew someone who could understand. Who wouldn't judge me, or try to argue. Someone who could relate to my struggles. But I have no one.

    The chances of spotting an obviously gay person where I live in Texas is rare, but when it happens I get really excited and I don't really know why.

    Is this weird? Feeling the desire to befriend gay men? I want to meet gay women too, but cute girls make me feel shy :grin:. With guys who are only interested in guys, our friendship would not have any romantic tension. I don't know why seeing other gays in general excite me so much, but whenever I see them I want to get to know them.

    Again I ask, is this weird???
     
    #1 Silver Snow, Oct 24, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2016
  2. Patrick7269

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    Given that you are in what sounds like a conservative area, the desire you have to make gay male friends seems to me like a need to have community that embraces you for who you are. It also makes complete sense that a gay male friend would not introduce sexual tension that would complicate things. I think what you are longing for makes complete sense.

    Do you have an LGBT center, volunteer groups, or other ways of meeting out gay men? If your environment isn't normally accepting you may need to make a special effort to find the gay community around you. I think that voice inside you is important, and you should listen to it.

    *warm hugs*

    Patrick
     
  3. Quem

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    I think that, in your situation, it's definitely not weird at all! In fact, I'd say it's very logical. =] You say:

    Most of us want to find like-minded people and, from what you're telling us, you don't know those people in real life (at least when it comes to LGBT issues). So no, to me it's perfectly normal that you want gay friends. You would be able to talk about LGBT stuff, knowing they won't judge you or disagree (too much) with you.

    Of course, straight friends could also be supportive of LGBT issues. Yet, out non-straight people are (probably) more likely to be tolerant of LGBT issues.

    Hopefully you meet some new people you can relate to. :icon_bigg

    Cheers,

    Quem
     
  4. Lalayajen

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    It is not weird at all.
    Having a friend who you can relate to about your feelings but not engaging in romance is really needed.

    And us, gay boys, are fabulous. *flips hair* (I know it is stereotype, no offense, jk)
     
  5. natalielight

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    I know what you mean. We all probably crave that intimate circle of people that know who we are and who are the same or similar. We all need to feel that we belong. I truly hope you'll meet some people who would make you feel home. Safe hugs. Have a nice day and best wishes!
     
  6. Jolly Hermione

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    I also know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way.

    My family accepts the LGBT-community, also me being gay, but I also want to know other lesbians. One of my friends (or... somebody I study with) is gay, but he doesn't know I'm too.

    Maybe there are groups you could go to meetings? Or bars etc.?
    I'm probably no help, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone ^^
     
  7. Guff

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    I feel exactly how you do
    I know absolutely no LGBT people in my life... Literally I know myself that's it. It makes me feel like I'm a freak. Like I'm a real freakin' weirdo.
    I very desperately want a LGBT friend of any gender/sexuality just for the sake of understanding friend(s).

    If it's any help, I'm willing to be your gay friend. LOL Just send me a pm/wall message whenever I know internet friends aren't the same thing but I'm just saying you can talk to me if you want LOL Don't gotta obviously
     
  8. TheMatthew

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    I know exactly how you feel! I mean... I just feel like I'm with "my people" when I'm with other LGBT people, y'know? I guess it's just nice to have friends who actually understand you, and I feel like LGBT understand each other the way cis-straight people can't.
     
  9. Silver Snow

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    I think I'll take you up on that offer.
     
  10. ABeautifulMind

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    I am not picky when it comes to LGBT peeps... It doesnt have to be gay guys... it can be gay, bi, or pan as well as genderqueer... LGBT people are just more accepting and understanding... At least in my limited experience... This is excluding the LGBT I knew in highschool lol...

    But dont limit yourself with gay guys :wink:

    I would compare it to my favorite explanation I have ever heard for being bi... To be with only male or female is to cut yourself off from half the pleasures of the world.... Gotta love Game of Thrones... Oberryn Martell :slight_smile:

    But on a side note, can I use your gaydar? I didnt seem to get mine when they were handing them out :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  11. DAFriend

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    No it's not weird to want gay male friends. There's a whole psychology thing behind that for women. They are safe, they are generally good listeners, they "get" girl troubles, etc...

    That works both ways, gay men enjoy female close friends too, for the same reasons.

    Those friendships tend to build very quickly, as in from just met to BFF and, sometimes crushes, in a week or so. One of the therms for the females is "Fag Hag" Females that seek out and enjoy gay male friends and, have one or more gay men as BFFs.

    I am a Fag Hag, proudly so. it isn't derogatory, though some think otherwise. You can meet online, doesn't really matter. Those friendships can be the closest, most rewarding experiences you cold ask for in a friendship, for both of you.

    Just be aware that it isn't at all uncommon for you to end up crushing on each other, even loving each other in a romantic way. Nothing wrong with a female and gay male being cuddle buddies.
     
  12. Creativemind

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    You might find some lesbians you don't have romantic tension with either. Not all gay women are attracted to one another, so It's worked out fine with me. And some gay guys might feel sexual tension with you, as sexuality can be fluid. But I understand the appeal of wanting to talk about gay issues without developing crushes.
     
  13. Silver Snow

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    Yes, you may barrow it. You will find it is in excellent condition. :wink: