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Want that romantic relationship, but how?!?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Jon Sol, May 19, 2020.

  1. Jon Sol

    Regular Member

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    Hey all. Hope everyone is doing well and staying safe. (And not going nuts.)
    I'm wondering how to find or, at least, look for, the man of my dreams.
    Back story, I've been outish, (Family mostly) for just over a year and am very introverted.
    I've met a couple guys on dating apps. (Well, 3.) And i'm becoming good friends with one, (no chemistry)
    and 2 that just wanted my junk. (Yeah i gave in.) I have needs too.
    But with one, of the 2, we kissed and hugged and i really got into him. (But he's married and not ready to come out, so....) At any rate, I really want more. I want to get to know a guy first. Feel that connection. Wonder if he's thinking about me. Have that tentative first kiss. The laying on the couch watching TV and joking around, Hallmark shit. (Yeah, I watch those movies and, at times, tear up. Back off!)
    I know, I know, these things just happen, and it's only been a year, or so. But, you can't find it or let it just happen if you're not anywhere it could. You know?
    I guess this was more a rant then a thread. Or a wish to the cosmos. Eh. So be it. It is what it is. But any ideas on the where's and the how's would be much appreciated.

    Hugs
     
  2. SiennaFire

    Full Member

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    My suggestions are based on previous posts before COVID-19. You'll need to adapt them to the current environment.

    When I first started dating, my goal was to make connections with other guys and not find a BF. These connections could be friendship, a hookup, a date/nice evening, a series of regular get-togethers, or dating. As I gained experience making connections with other guys, I figured out what I like in guys (in terms of appearance and personality) and prepared myself for more serious dating efforts to find a BF/partner.

    If you haven't already done so, start engaging with the LGBT community and build a network of gay friends for support. Engaging with the LGBT community through support groups, meetups, Pride events, LGBT bars and clubs, and even the apps helps us learn what it means to be gay. Most of us (who came out later in life) never had a gay adolescence. A network of gay friends is also a great source of information, such as how to find a boyfriend. Engaging with the LGBT community was an important part of my second adolescence because it helped me learn how to behave as a gay man.

    As far as dating, dating apps by themselves may not be sufficient for finding a BF, so you need to cast a wide net. I made connections with guys through various means beyond traditional dating sites, such as meetups/support groups, hookup apps, etc. These connections can be platonic friendships, FWB, or a relationship. It is a number's game where you need to make a lot of connections to figure out what you want/need in a partner. As you gain these insights, you can refine your approach and get more targeted about where you look. For example, if you like cooking, perhaps you should join an LGBT cooking group. You need to figure out what you want and where you can find him! Be sure to try different combinations of activities, apps, and sites until you find the right mix that works for you.

    When I went on dates, I didn't worry too much about making impressions or other things down the road. Instead I focused on the moment and just being myself. If there's a connection, great. If not, that's fine too. It is important that you have a happy life when you are dating and don't require someone to complete it.

    The reality is that gay dating is frustrating and will take time. It can also be serendipitous, so be open to and seize unexpected opportunities. Finding a BF makes it worth it.

    Take your time and enjoy the journey!

    HTH
     
    #2 SiennaFire, May 23, 2020
    Last edited: May 23, 2020
    Jon Sol and Lek like this.