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Virginity: Waiting for Mr. Right or Just get it over with?

Discussion in 'Anonymous Support and Advice' started by Anonymous, Dec 30, 2011.

  1. Anonymous

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    I'm a young, closeted gay man (18) and i'm still a virgin. I didn't used to bother me, but all of a sudden i've started to feel alone and like a loser.....and really HORNY! (i think it's because i'm spending new years alone ... again!) My ideal scenario would be to meet a nice guy, fall in love and lose my virginity to him (when i'm ready and comfortable). The trouble with that is i'm socially awkward and shy, and i haven't got any chances to meet anyone new. (and i don't know how to meet gay guys in my area??) My question is:

    Should i wait for Mr.Right, or find other ways and have sex with Mr.Right Now?

    And if you have lost your virginity with a random guy did you regret it? or does it not matter?
    Or if you waited to lose your virginity to Mr. Right, was it worth the wait? or was it not that big of a deal?
     
  2. Anonymous

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    That depends on what you feel your virginity means. For me, its just a symbol, and not one I attach much meaning to. I don't have sex for other reasons, but I don't think losing my virginity would bother me much. But some people think its important.
     
  3. Hexagon

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    ^^that was me
     
  4. Anonymous

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    based on what you sounded like you said you wanted. i say just wait. 18 is not old at all. you have time. hold out for someone you really like and that you think treats you great. sex is ez to get from guys but keeping them around after that is harder. so dont waste it on someone that wont be around. you want more so hold out for that.
     
  5. Robert

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    Why are you posting anonymously? Is it really that embarrassing not to have had sex before you turn 18?

    I was going to ignore this thread and carry on browsing this forum because it is, in my own personal experience so far, impossible to explain to someone who has not yet had a sexual experience how unimportant 'losing virginity' is.
    But I've decided to try and prove myself wrong.

    I want to make it clear, I do sympathise with your 'predicament' (mostly self-imposed as it is) and I know the kind of things you're hearing from people. Everyone expects you to have sex. Its in our culture.

    I'm going to be frank.
    Who, in all seriousness, gives a fuck if you've stuck your dick in another human being or not?
    Your first time, whether you have it tomorrow or whether you have it in 15 years time, is probably going to be the shittest, most uncomfortable, embarrassing and forgettable sex you will ever experience in your life anyway.

    If you want to stick your dick in something, be my guest. But just dont become one of those assholes who makes a big deal out of it. What even is 'losing your virginity'? What exactly do you lose? What exactly do you gain? Does it magically change you somehow? Could you walk out on to the street and identify the 'virgins' and 'non-virgins' by some physical features?
    This whole thing is just so juvenile. It really annoys me.

    Anyway, I dont have any advice on how to get guys. I'll leave that to other people.

    Much love,

    Robert
    xxx
     
    #5 Robert, Dec 30, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2011
  6. Anonymous

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    i'm not the op but i think everyone has the right to be anonymous if they want to no matter what the topic is. i do not think they should be chastised for posting in teh anonymous section.

    i think that it is not true that the first time is going to be a bad experience. it sounds like that is your own experience but it does not have to be the experience for others.
     
  7. Robert

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    I wasnt chastising him. I was curious to find out what his motives were.
     
  8. Anonymous

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    ^^^^Wow....I think that was a little harsh.

    But anyway, it seems like sex means something to you and you want to wait to fall in love. So maybe you could try that? If the time comes and you find someone that you really want to have sex with, go for it. But make sure to be protected. Sex is different for every person. To some, it's just sex and it has nothing to do with love. To others, it's a way to express love only with those they trust the most. Ask yourself what it means to you. Do you see sex as an expression of love or just something fun to do? It's okay either way.

    Personally, (I'm a lesbian) I had sex with someone I really loved when I was 16 but she didn't love me. I don't know if I would take it back or not. I do wish it was with someone who loved me back but at least I figured out that I'm gay. It did mean a lot to me and had a big impact on who I am (both negatively and positively). It changed my self-perception, mostly in negative ways. But then again, I had sex with her way more than 1 time.

    It depends on who you are talking to whether or not they would wait or go ahead and do it. Virginity isn't necessarily a big deal other than that society makes it a big deal. However you might be like me and think sex should be between people that love each other. Sex is sex is sex. Don't have it until you feel completely ready and until you can answer the question of: What does sex mean to you?
     
  9. Anonymous

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    Anon who said this was harsh. I think that not everyone's first time is bad. It depends on the situation. To the OP, it's ok to remain anonymous and it's never juvenile to be worried about sex.
     
  10. Robert

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    Re-read what I wrote.

    Ah, this one is my fault. I didnt make myself clear. I didnt mean it was juvenile to be worried about sex. I meant that the culture of seeing sex as a sport, a necessity or a competition was juvenile... the whole thing about 'scoring' and 'tapping that'. The society we live in pressures young guys, such as the OP, in to having sex, thats whats so outrageous.
     
    #10 Robert, Dec 30, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2011
  11. Anonymous

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    well, im just going to ignore what robert said, and anyways this is to the original poster, im about the same age, and ive been reading a heck of alot of gay romace and smut over the internet since i was 14, and ive come to realise that alot of these relationships probably will never occur in real life, because a perfect couple is only in a dream.

    with that being said, i believe you should widen your knowledge about what a gay relationship takes really, because men especially gay men tend to be more promiscuous in relationships before settling down.

    so keep your options open, im not discouraging you at all, just pushing the idea that maybe sex and love may not be necessarily the same thing, and who knows, maybe this will prevent you from getting attached to the first guy you have sex with because you thought it was love and he just wanted sex

    from Aaron
     
  12. WeirdnessMagnet

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    I absolutely have no idea how gay teenagers do it, missed an opportunity to find out :grin: But I'd definitely say that no, losing virginity for losing virginity's sake is not going to be good. It doesn't have to be a super-hot Mr. Perfect, but it's WAY better than the experience Robert described if you have something besides hormones going for your relationship. My first sex was still the best I ever had, nothing afterwards came even close (even with the same partner) But we didn't jump each other's bones on day 1 though we both fancied each other since early-teenhood and were exceptionally compatible in many other ways...
     
  13. Kidd

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    Honestly, I don't think you should make plans for it. Just take things as they happen and let it work itself out. Right now you're stressing out over a hypothetical that might not be resolved any time soon...

    Anyway, I lost my virginity pretty young to someone I barely knew in retrospect and I regret it. Trust me when I say that it will be one of the, if not the most awkward, experiences of your entire life. I wish I had waited because it would have been a special moment to share with someone I really loved. I walked away from it going, "that's it?" It stole the magic of it from me. There wasn't any intimacy there, and there won't be if you hook-up with a random.

    If you ever rush out and lose it to someone, just be safe about it. There are a lot of creeps that would LOVE to punch a boy's v-card.
     
  14. Revan

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    I don't know how to explain what it was for me for example. I wanted it to be something big but I regret who I did it with. Obviously it varies on the person when you'll get in a relationship, me I wish I had waited till my first year of university with my boyfriend at the time, would've meant more to me. But regardless I think like everyone has said, it depends how you look at virginity. Is it something really special to you, can you handle waiting? It's really all up to you.
     
  15. Owen

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    I kinda lost my virginity (it's in a grey area right now) when I was 20. I didn't wait for Mr. Right, so much as the person I had my first sexual experience with just happened to be Mr. Right, luckily for me. Was it worth the wait? Absolutely. I consider that night to be one of the greatest experiences of my life, and it's because of the guy I shared it with. He was gentle, he cared about how comfortable I was with it, he cared about my pleasure, and he wanted me to enjoy it.

    Here's the key thing: everything that made that night great had to do with the guy I shared it with, and the fact that he was the right guy for the job. Had it just been with some stranger who just wanted the orgasm, there would have been nothing remarkable about it; it would have been no more enjoyable than if I had just masturbated. Hell, it probably would have been less enjoyable than if I had just masturbated, judging by the testimony in this thread; I've never regretted masturbating, after all.

    Sex for the sake of losing your virginity will probably do nothing to help the way you're feeling right now, aside from maybe making you less horny for a day (and even that's only if you climax). If you feel alone, go out and make friends; it's a more permanent solution, and it might help you meet Mr. Right. If you feel like a loser, find things you're good at and get better at them; self-improvement is a huge confidence booster. And if you're horny, jerk off, or busy yourself with meaningful work, because being busy will make you less horny (you won't be able to focus on your horniness).

    Them's my two cents.
     
  16. Anonymous

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    i would say wait, i am in my early twenties and i want to find mr. right and i don't feel wierd about it.
    it's your body and your choice. think of it like this, you have waited this long, why not wait a little longer. :kiss:
     
  17. Ianthe

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    I don't think you have to wait for True Love, necessarily. But, at the very least, it should be friendly, and your partner should be someone you trust who cares about you and your well-being. You should have respect for yourselves and each other.

    And I do think the experience will be best if you are in love.